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female
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anonymous
writes: I really need some help here!My boyfriend and I were together almost three years and we broke up last September. Aged 25 and 26, not living together.He cheated on me (kissed someone else) and then told me he had been having doubts about us for about a year, so basically stringing me along!He had been acting very moody for a while and not really giving me much attention or as much of his time.He had become so stressed with work also and has many emotional issues - his mother and father's divorce when he was younger damaged him, plus his mother went into a mental home years back for three months because she attacked him after going insane. She seems fine now. I think all this may have led up to him becoming quite down and problems starting between us.He pursued the girl he kissed so we broke up. I was devastated. We saw a bit of each other - met for drinks now and then. But i needed to just take a real break from him totally. After a while I met a great guy, really great. Shortly after the ex found out he wanted me back. I wasn't having it and said no. I went away with my new man for a week but started thinking about the ex and what he had said about things being different if I went back. When I got back I split with my new guy and went back to the ex - I had to know if things would be different otherwise I may have regretted it.After few weeks they were great - he booked for us to go away over valentines. Then the third week he seemed to go back to being moody, putting me down and rude in front of my family and he just seemed very irritable, when I talked to him he snapped at me and the affection had gone. His excuse was he was tired! I am not rude when tired. We are going away next week and I think I have made a huge mistake splitting with the new guy as he treated me like a princess and had the kindest heart. I don't want to go away but when I said this he suddenly became nice and loving again. I think he has too much control over me and many people around me think I should get out of this relationship. When I try and break up he seems to always get round me but I don't think he has changed and I need to get away. This is making me really low some suggestions on my situation would be really appreciated.Thank you x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello - thanks everyone for the advice. Just want to say about the new guy I went out with. I do love him and have never met anyone quite like him. He makes me so happy. Thought I mentioned that I loved him, seems I left that bit out! I will just have to see if I he will take me back. We are talking so that's a start.
A
female
reader, charlie432 +, writes (2 February 2006):
i've been in the same situation. your ex is a control freak, he wants you to be his, if you leave he'll change and be all nicey nicey until you come back, then he'll be the same again. if he's anything like my ex, he's insanely jealous, controlling, ignorant and very selfish. I was unfortunate enough to put up with this behaviour and worse (he hit me on several occassions) and got myself so down I nearly killed myself. All you need to do, is bite the bullet and get out of there before things get worse and you feel trapped. Unfortunate about the new bloke you met, he sounded nice, but you made a mistake and will have to cope with it unfortunately hun, chances are he wouldn't give it another go, but there's no harm in asking! there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you've got to be the one to get there. hope nothing i've said has offended you, i'm offering the best advice from what I know!!! all the luck in the world, charlie x
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female
reader, ladybaby +, writes (2 February 2006):
I really feel for you - it's not a great position to be in. You managed to break away from this man once, you can do it again. It may feel like you have failed, but you haven't. You gave someone a second chance which is very noble of you although they did betray your trust first time round, some people would say it takes a weak person to do that, but another way to look at it is that you are someone with a kind heart and room for forgivness in your heart.If you do split up with him (which I would think would be the best thing to do), don't go back to this lovely guy, as great as he seems, I don't really believe that you love him. Eventually being treated like a princess by someone you mare care deeply about, but not love will be just as bad. Be by yourself for a while, spend time with friends and family, get a hobby, get to know yourself, then eventually you will find someone who is worthy of you, and you of him. Good Luck!
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (2 February 2006):
 Ok,so you made a mistake,you thought your ex was the one but its turned out that he is a miserable so and so.You dont need his criticism,his put downs and his mood swings...your not his psychiatrist....if he has family issues then thats down to him to get professional help,its not fair to take it out on you.The best bet is to break up with him because he is not going to change....the other guy you finished with was probably hurt and whether he would come back to you is hard to say but give it a go...write him a letter saying you made a big mistake and that you realised now that you want him back....he might forgive.As for the other fella i would give him a wide birth...dont email him,dont txt him or call him on the phone and delete any messages that you get from him,otherwise you will be back to square one again...try and be strong and you will do it.Good luck.
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female
reader, Becks +, writes (2 February 2006):
 hello mate aw bless you bit of a tough situation but i promise things will get better. It is so difficult when you split up with someone you have strong feelings for when your not really ready, like with your ex who cheated on you. Things like that take time to get over and sometimes we just push are feelings away and try to forget about them like you did when you moved on. I can totally understand you getting back with him to try to make it work but i think you know he's not the one for you. He's not treating you right and you don't appear to be happy. My best advise is to make a clean break from him he's no good for you. it'll be hard because he'll say he's gonna change but you know it doesn't last more than a week. You definately need to move on, be strong and don't back down. the new guy sounds like a star, i don't know if your in contact with him but just get in touch and see if he wants to meet up, but make sure your ok and ready. Hopefully he'll be willing but if not then you know you'll be fine and what ever happens will just be. Be strong and get your ex out of your life it may sound harsh but you can't save him from his misery, he's just bringing you down. Best of luck sweet heart. I wish you lots of happinessBecks x
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