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female
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anonymous
writes: Me and my Partner have been together 8 years we have 2 children both under 5 years old, but have been planning to separate for the last 6 months (he cheated on me).The thing is I have always found his brother attractive, we get on really well, we are really close, we seem to have a connection, we spend alot of time together, he takes me shopping helps with any DIY around the house ect... They have a really close family and i have always been treated as though i was always part of that, and love them all like they are my own blood.I find myself always thinking about my brother-inlaw and hoping we can one day be together.Am i just feeling this way because of my relationship has come to an end am i just looking for some one to replace my soon to be ex-partner?Because it feels like he is everything my partner is not! loyal, trust-worthy and always there for me!
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female
reader, liveinabox +, writes (7 February 2006):
 Don't go for the brother in law straight away. If you have been with your partner for 8 years then the prospect of being alone must be very daunting. And it sounds like you are very close to his brother and you will probably find yourself leaning on him when the relationship does break up. Don't let the fact that he is being kind and friendly to you railroad you into pursuing a relationship with him immediately. If in a few months you still feel the same then discuss it with him. But just make sure you want him for the right reasons.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (2 February 2006):
 My single piece of advice for you is, don't go straight from one brother to another. No matter how close the family ties, and how good the B-I-L looks right now, it would be a bad choice.
You have a long, complicated relationship (not to mention children) with your partner. If you go straight from that to the brother, you're first, probably going to be on the rebound, and second, going to stretch brotherly love to breaking point, which will harm everyone involved. There could be fights and lifelong recriminations between them. That's the last thing your kids and you need.
If you feel it's time to leave your partner, then you need to choose what's best for you and for your children, and make a new life away from him. Do that, and give yourself time to clear your head. Eight years with someone doesn't just disappear from your mind. You have to be apart to learn to love yourself again, to get over the hurts you may have suffered and to feel some independence and self confidence again. Those things take time.
Don't leave your partner and go straight into seeing his brother. You need to learn to be your own person, without a relationship first. After you do that, there's plenty of time to feel out a relationship with someone else, whether that be your ex's brother, or someone else. When the fog of hurt has lifted, you may find that you want someone completely different in temperament from your ex's brother. Or you may find you still want him. Or you may find that you want no one at all for a while. Give yourself a chance to find out by moving slowly.
Remember that you're not dependant on a man to make you happy. Your real happiness comes from within yourself, and when you're really happy with your life, you make different choices to those you make when you're in pain and turmoil.
Good luck.
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