A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone; I had a quick question for you all and I'm hoping you can help me and reassure me. This weekend was a blast. On Saturday I got to spend time with my boyfriend at nighttime. Being that it is Labor Day our family decided to go to the beach just for a day from Sunday afternoon until well, now. We just got home. I love having him there with me and never want him to go. :) Yeah, I do love him. When we got back and settled in we were just outside on the porch saying our goodbyes. Whenever we spend this good bit of time together and we have to go our separate ways, I just don't want him to leave. I just hold him and start crying but in a "I'm already missing you" kind of way because of what I'm feeling. He feels the same way and says how he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want me to leave but obviously he holds in the emotion. After he left though, I walked in my house and my mom ask me what happened because I was crying. I said its because I'll miss him, I had a fun time and didn't want him to go. She said that it was bizarre and ridiculous with the way I was acting, that its not normal and something is wrong with me. Girls, or even guys, does this happen to you?... the overwhelmingly sad feeling you get when you have to leave your other after spending so much fun together? My main question,is it normal to feel this way? or react the way I was?Anything would be great! My mom is telling my dad as we speak to make an even bigger deal out of it. Parents! Thanks! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess you are right Cindy...thank you. :)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Of course,OP. Your desire for establishing your independence and starting your own life is natural,healthy and positive, and hopefully it will come true pretty soon. Until then, though, try to cut your parents some slack. Chances are that , when you'll be a parent yourself, you'll make exactly their same mistakes :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Cindy, I'm sure you may be right on same level in this situation but it is happening so often now that she is making me more distant from the family. I don't want to be around them as much any more and I just want my own independence and to start my own life. Chigirl, thanks for putting it into perspective.:)
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 I appreciate your stubbornness Cindy. For natural reasons I do not know how mothers of teenagers feel. You are right there is a generation gap. Which makes it so much nicer that we are able to hear both sides. It is really educational, and I value it. Maybe a lot of parents find it hard to not over-protect? In one way it is natural to want to protect the child, but many times it is unnecessary, and creates bitterness between parent and child. I have seen the extremes where my father tried so much to protect my younger brother, that my brother now wants nothing to do with him. In my fathers case it was a bit insane. He wanted to control every bit of my brothers environment.
I hope we can work out better ways to deal with the generation gap, so that these extreme cases do not happen often. It can be very hard for one to see the others viewpoint. But thanks to you Cindy, now I feel I understand it a bit more.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 September 2010):
Generational gap. Chigirl reasons as a daughter and I reason as a mother ,so please let me stubbornly insist on my version : your mom is just worried- she is afraid that you may somehow get hurt in this relationship, and she shows it in her gruff,clumsy way.
Mothers can be very clumsy.
Last year my son,who was 19, got invited by some guys to a party at the country place of one of them. My son does not have a car so he needed a ride and these guys told him they'd find him one. At the last moment, there has been some glitch with the arrangements, or maybe they just forgot, anyway my son did not get his ride and could not go.He just sounded mildly annoyed and started immediately making other plans for the night. I ? I got frantic- it's any mother 's worst nightmare that her precious creature may be, or feel, excluded,left out in the cold, singled out. So I started hovering around him , offering him to get him bus maps to find his way to the area, or to call my relatives to get a ride from them, or to give him the hefty amount of cash necessary to go there by taxi... until my usually quiet and respecftul kid yelled at me : "Stop it ! It's just a f...king party ,not the chance of my life !"
What this has got to do with you ? More than you think. I've got this hunch that your mother is not the "bad guy " you make her out, she just has not got the nerve to tell you : I am afraid. I care so much about you that I just hate to see you hurt or disappointed, - maybe I am being paranoid, or overprotective, but when I see you sad or distressed because of this boy I feel my stomach tied in knots. Even if you are 19 and I know that by now I should butt out of your business.
So,instead she acts judgemental or confrontational etc.etc.
Yes.mothers can be really a pain in the neck- but,most of the time, thay mean well.)
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (8 September 2010):
How does one get "evaluated"? Maybe not a bad idea, bring your mom with you and maybe whoever does the evaluation will tell your mom that she needs to get a grip? That would be cool.
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male
reader, RIKI93dw  +, writes (8 September 2010):
You should tell your boyfriend if you havnt already maybe he could provide new insight on the situation or if you have told him maybe you could stay at his or a friends or just keep away from your parents until this whole thing dies down or until your parents are ready to talk about without them assuming that sumthing is wrong with you because you know I know we all know that nuthing is wrong with you. The problem is that if your parents are so quick to judge you and this situation then they will be hard to or may never be convinced I'm sorry to say. But maybe if you can move on from it maybe they will follow they just need to understand how you feel about your boyfriend an why you felt the way you did when he had to leave because there is nuthing better than feeling your feelings especially when they are like yours ,so you have nuthing to worry about they are wrong you are right your parents need to be more happy for you rather than thinking that there is sumthing is wrong with you when ever you express an emotion of any type
I hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy mom brought up the whole thing again today pretty much saying exactly what I had already told you all. She said that if it happens again she is going to have me evaluated.... for what...having emotions? I told her that it was something that doesn't need to be talked about because it is normal. How am I suppose to convince her that I don't have a problem? She is making a much bigger deal out of this then it needs to be. It shouldn't even be an issue. What should I do?
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male
reader, RIKI93dw +, writes (7 September 2010):
Your welcome :)
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 September 2010):
Well I am 24, but moved out from home at 16, so I've been out on my own for quite a while now. The main reason I moved out was that me and my mother could not live together.
Using doth condoms and birth-control makes you 100% baby-proof. Basically you really just need one, but theres that tiny tiny chance of still getting pregnant. My main view on that is to not have sex unless you are prepared for a child. Mentally that is. But if you get pregnant while using both birth-control and condoms you might as well blame the holy ghost :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRIKI93dw,thanks for what you said. The more honest comments like yours I get, the more reassured of what I was feeling is normal. I really do have an amazing boyfriend. We have been friends since 12th grade in high school and always asked one another for advice. We are now 19 and its our second year in college. We started dating about 5 months ago and I still could not be happier or feel more bliss. I am my happiest when I'm with him. When I cry, they are happy tears because I feel so lucky to have a friend and a boyfriend like him. He is without a doubt the most loving and sweetest man I have ever met and I hope one day we can share our future together. I just want my OWN life to finally begin. My mom does jump to conclusions fast and doesn't let anything sink in. Thanks again for helping me. :)
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reader, RIKI93dw +, writes (7 September 2010):
Yh of course what your feeling is normal and how you expressed it don't let anyone say otherwise they just never felt it the way you did What you and your boyfriend have sounds amazing. You shouldn't listen to your mother and father you are perfectly normal and have nothing to worry about, the way you expressed your emotions was healthy the reason maybe she said it was wrong may have been because you don't see everyday that's maybe why she said what she did but really she shouldn't said that she shouldve been more understanding rather so quick to think something is wrong
I hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionchigirl....yes, she is close minded. For example, when I brought up possibly going on birth control and that he would also use protection she said "You can still get pregnant" and acted like it was a really poor decision and made me feel completely guilty about it. She never understands and thinks that wanting to be with him more than a day in a week at a time can be too much if they are back to back. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you. I'm 19 and I was just wondering if you are still going through this or finally out of the house and on your own. I can't wait for that day! Cindycares, you are right...he will be back and I will see him again, which is always something to look forward to. I think that as I get older since I am 19 right now and reach even more of a mature level that will only get better. I just am hitting this point in my life, because my parents want me to still live at home, that I want my own independence without them giving me their opinions and controlling whatever I do with the small things in my life. Thanks for your words. :)
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 September 2010):
Your mom is just concerned . I think she understands and remembers how young love is, but obviously she does not want to see it go from love to obsession or emotional dependence. She does not want you to suffer - particularly because ( pardon me for being blunt ) she can't be sure your relationship will last, so maybe she thinks : if my daughter is gonna cry so much for parting after a day spent together, what will she do if they split up for good ?
I think she is uneasy with the "overwhelmingly " part of your longing. It's normal to feel wistful and melancholic when you have to leave a person ,or even a place, which gave you joy- but really, no need to cry your eyes out about it and wallow in sadness - particularly when pretty soon you are gonna be together again !
Maturity also means to learn how to handle your emotions, without either suppressing them or letting them totally overwhelm you.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 September 2010):
Yes, parents. Sheez. What you are feeling is quite normal, and your mother is making a big deal out if it because she doesn't react in the same way. But people react in different ways. When I get very angry I cry. When I get very sad I yell. I know, should be the other way around right? When Im sad I only cry after a good while, but I cry easily if I am in an argument. My mother made fun of me out of it, and would refuse to talk to me if I was crying. Hence there was rarely any solution to our disputes...
Your mother sound just as close minded as mine. Just because they don't react in a certain way doesn't mean it isn't normal to react in other ways. Who are they to tell us what is normal or not? There are a zillion people in the world, and none are alike the other.
If your parents make a big deal out of it, I feel sorry for you, and wish you the best of luck in dealing with them. But just so you know, I back you up in this. Parents think they know everything to the point where they can't even respect a persons feelings.
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