A
female
age
41-50,
*eedinRomance
writes:My boyfriend left me for his "stupid" ex-wife. I was seeing this man for 2 months. We met online and hit it off. He is 43, a respiratory therapist, works nights, makes 75k, and divorce with 2 kids (female 19/12). Everything was great. We never argued, we laughed went out and he always made it a point to tell me that I amazed him by my maturity and responsibility at my age (i'm 27) and claimed to have never dated someone as young as me. His ex was always a thorn in his foot. She was always squeezing money out of him by using his kids against him. He quit the extra cash (just child support) and she proceeded with the "you don't care about your kids" trip. He spoke horridly about her and I saw her bring the worst out of him. Then the older daughter gets prego and the ex is running back wanting to get together because she is not cutting it financially. House is defaulted, etc. etc. Mind you: I am here supporting him, giving him advice, holding him through and he is doing the same with me and my issues (i'm a single mom, graduate in Dec. with my BBA, etc. He made plans for us to go to a football game, different trips, many other future plans, plus he was to meet my mom the week he broke up with me to make her a bbq and he requested my daughters presence since date 1. He was engaged fully in my life. Intimately, he was having problems performing and I nursed him though his embaressment. I didn't care.... Last Tuesday his ex calls me and says they are getting back together and that she requested his phone and decided to notifiy his me and I wasn't the only girl. He called me and pulled the plug on it all, claiming, "I am going to try things out with my ex, my kids need me and I need them. As I asked why he choose his approach when all I have ever been is supportive/kind/honest/loving etc. He says,"I was with you because I was lonely." I hung up never called again. I have been misreable since and when i decided to look him up on match.com his profile has been active daily since that day plus he changed his number (this I found out just yesterday). I just NEVER expected these actions from a 43yr old man! I know you may not know why but maybe you can just help me through the haze of this jerk's actions! :(
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broke up, divorce, engaged, ex-wife, his ex, met online, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, you55  +, writes (7 September 2010):
It will take time but 1 day at a time things will fall back to place. I was also involved in a similar situation but the only difference is that it was just a girl friend tht he has been seeing for three and they had a child together they broke up and after I dated him for 2 yrs he married me and we were blessed with a son unfortunately our marriage did not last lost he went back to his ex and they are staying together now and he claims he made a huge mistake by living her in the first place. in the nmean time we haven't started with the divorce. It was difficult at first but I managed to pull thru. U will heel trust me.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 September 2010):
 I don't know why he chose that direction. From what you say, his ex wife sounds like someone he should stay away from. They have history together, and it sounds like there is something within that history that he kept holding on to, that may be reason for this decision. Often, the more we try to figure people out and why they do certain things, the more confused we become. I'd be confused to why he did this as well. What I do know is people need to be far more honest about what they're looking for than they are. Don't let this experience get you down. You'll find someone. It's just that this guy was not that one.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 September 2010):
Sounds like if I had been married to him I'd be a crazy bitch too! Look, a lot guys will lie to their knew partner about how crazy their ex is and how awful and evil she is. Even if you claim to "know" after 2-months, you really don't.
The guy obviously as insecurity issues. He can't get it up and he was "lonely." Oh how sad, should we hand him a tissue? He sounds like a true POS, and be glad he's gone! You have to come to terms that you'll never understand what this guy's deal is or was and he obviously has problems. Don't worry, it'll catch up to him. Karma is a bitch and she will get him, trust me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): He probably will remain divorced...will play the game with her, and his numerous sidekicks...sorry baby, i just think he is a player. He uses girls to make her mad, then uses her to get rid of the girl when he is done...he knows how to play this game, he's been doing it for years. mal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): Honey, You knew this man for 2 months and you were waaay to invested. She might be a true bitch, but she is the mother of his children and she is holding more cards than you are. She has a history, and he knows what he is getting into. i would say he is a player, and he is cruel.
Of course you are hurt that he told you things that he didnt follow thru with, and chose a very unclassy and hurtful way to inform you that he changed his mind.
Cry, scream, pick yourself up and put one foot in front of the other...you will make it thru this...hugs, mal
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A
female
reader, NeedinRomance +, writes (7 September 2010):
NeedinRomance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDid I mention he's been divorced for 2 years (seperated for 10!).
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (7 September 2010):
 I guess at the end of the day they have a serious history together and children which is BIG. Maybe the break away from each other was what they needed to get some clarity and perspective.
Just chalk this one up to one of life's lessons never get involved with a recently seperated man they need to have been alone for at least a year and have their shit together regards their relationship with their ex.
Have a good cry and vent and be angry then take a cleansing breath and move on. You will be ok and life will get better for you from this lesson.
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