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Spending money on a website just for sex with a stranger...wouldn't that make me no better than a person who hires prostitutes?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Online dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 April 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 29 April 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Do I spend money on a website just for sex with a stranger?

I found a site, which is set up for people to share exactly what they're looking for (sex wise) and they can browse members who they match with. A short time after joining, I got a message from a woman saying that she would like me to message her and see where it goes.

Unfortunately, it costs money to send messages... but it's been so long since I've been with someone, I find myself actually considering this. But that would make me no better than people who hire prostitutes, right?

I just don't no. I've gone without anything physical for almost 2 years. I feel like I've waited long enough, but this seems a little extreme.

Please advise!!

View related questions: money, prostitute

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):

solver is correct. These sites are more interested in your money then you hooking up with a person.

I have a web page with a popular site. Someone contacted me saying they wanted to chat. When I visited the link, you had to pay. I had sent the person a reply, but when they responded, they never would answer any questions I posed to them. Figured this was proof it was a scam.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):

Prostitutes get paid for sex/sexual favours.

It seems like you are paying for sex/sexual favours.

Although you go about it in a different way, it still seems pretty much the same to me.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (29 April 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI won't talk about using that site or not. I do believe that using your time to solve the reason why you've been alone all that time would be much better.

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A male reader, DreamMaster Ireland +, writes (29 April 2008):

DreamMaster agony auntHi,

This is not the same as hiring prostitutes. It is just the site is bringing people together who want the same thing (sex). This is different to paying a woman directly for sex (who may be doing it involuntarily).

But this act will just paper over the cracks of what is clearly a bigger issue. You say you haven’t had physical contact for 2 years – and now – are you attempting to take the easy road, the shortcut? It doesn’t seem like this is really what you want.

There should be no moral dilemma in this issue – so maybe going through with it and having sex with this stranger it will give your confidence a much needed boost.

But whether you do or not – you need to look at the way you are living your life. You want to be with someone – but what are you really doing to make that happen?

Are you doing exercise to keep yourself in shape. Are you looking after your appearance. Do you wash and shave every morning? Do you make sure to wear good clean clothes when you go out? What happens when you try to talk to girls? Have you no confidence? Do you try to make them laugh and feel comfortable in your company?

If we knew more about this we might be able to help you get to the root of your problem- which is that you are unhappy being single. This site may give you sex – but will not give you the relationship you want. Look at the bigger picture and put your energy there.

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (29 April 2008):

Stayc63088 agony auntSee I don't want to judge based on how I believe but I guess this is how it is going to come out. I don't feel you should have sex with someone you met online that you do not know. Yes, anytime you pay money for sex is prostitution. I'm not sure it would be much different from finding a woman on the street. I'm not saying this to be mean or rude just honest, it is basically the same thing, paying someone to have sex with you. You do not know this chick or what she has. I would advise NO. If nothing else can't you pick someone up at a club or something? One night stand deal? I wouldn't do that either but that's what people do nowadays. Atleast then it wouldn't cost money, besides maybe a drink. OR you could meet a nice girlfriend and be patient. Sure 2 years is long but wouldn't you rather wait a while and have sex that is great and meaningful with someone you care about than have sex every few months with a stranger filled with diseases? Your call I guess. Good luck in whatever you choose.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (29 April 2008):

Collaroy agony auntIf you were paying her money then I would agree. But you are paying the provider of the service, as she is.

So go for it. But it will just be sex don't hold out expectations for anything else.

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