A
female
age
51-59,
*ntalya1
writes:My boyfriend and I live in different places but are able to spend some time together - more than weekends. Our jobs keep us apart but we have long holiday breaks.When we're together I really love him. I feel like I want to be with him forever. He's sweet and likes to snuggle and kiss me a lot. He's generous and kind. He's a good person, ya know. He tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful.But after I am home 3-4 days I start to forget about him. He's been asking me to marry him for 2 years and I keep saying next year. We don't have anything in common. We also don't talk much. He likes to play cards or backgammon with his friends. He likes me to sit there and watch them play - it's boring. He plays the same games on the internet with other people. He just bores me and I have nothing to say to him.I don't understand how I can love him? We have no common interests except sex and eating and sleeping. I've tried to find some common ground but he is resistant. He always has an excuse why he can't do something.I've broke up with him more than once because of our lack of shared interests. When we get back together he always makes these half-hearted attempts to meet me half way but it stops within a few days.I can't seem to leave him permanently. He takes me back every time. And I always come whimpering back missing his affectionate nature. I'm not strong enough to walk away.What should I do? Should I give it up? Am I kidding myself? How can I be happy with this man? Plus he wants me to move to his small town. He has 2 businesses there and makes great money. But I can't practice my career in such a small place. I'd have to work with him.Please I need some advice. I've never fell in love with a man that I couldn't talk to or do things with. It's really thrown me for a loop. I think I'm addicted to his affection. Help!
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broke up, fell in love, get back together, money, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Antalya1 +, writes (13 May 2010):
Antalya1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone! Those were great answers. I appreciate your candor. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): Thank you very much! happy140
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A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (12 May 2010):
 First you sound young, hence your indecision. I personally do not think you are in love that is NOT how you feel when you are in love. When your in truly love you have no doubt about marriage or being with him. You may have concerns and the “jitters” but you know he is the one you want to share your life with. If you were in love you would miss him BEFORE he even leaves, I know because I miss my wife when she leaves on business for 4 or 5 days. Its missing her before she leaves as much as I wish she was physically here always as she is always on my mind and in my heart and to me it is painful to not see her every day. That is love. If you can forget about him after a couple of days its more infatuation that you have then love. There is nothing wrong with that but do not get the two confused. You need to ask yourself why you break up and then ask him to take you back. Once because you made a serious mistake is OK, a second time because of something stupid is OK but more than that, why? It is too much of a pattern that speaks volumes about you, it says you are confused. The only way to get unconfused is to sit yourself down and WRITE on a piece of paper what you want in your relationship, such as someone who is physically here all the time (I don’t mean 24/7), someone I can talk to, someone that matches my sexual prowess, etc. Then write down next to that if he is or has those qualities. If he does not then do not make the mistake of marriage, per the info you supplied you are far from being ready. Take the time to examine yourself and you will find that you are a GREAT catch for someone and wait till the man that deserves you comes around. Sometimes women think they have to settle and that is not true. There IS the perfect man for you out there. No I am not saying he has to be perfect but you have to accept his imperfections as he does yours, when either is unwilling to accept the others faults the they are not for each other. A man you cannot talk to is the worst man you could possibly be with in marriage. There are so many things to discussed, children, religion, and life style, stay at home mom or working, hundreds of things. Even the simple ones such as “How was your day”, if you cannot communicate you have no relationship and will build serious resentment towards him because he does not communicate. PLEASE look at who you are and all you have to offer and never settle. He is out there and in will be found in the most unlikely place when you meet him, and at that time you will know he is what you have been waiting for. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, luvlyangie  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 You have to decide what you really want.as for me what you feels 4 him isn't love, you are used to him, that you can't let go... He loves you, that is the most important thing,u don't expect him to be perfect, cos there's none. "The devil u know is better than the Angel u don't know... Decide what u want, marry him or quit the relationship,the ealier the better. But remember, what matters is your happiness...... Jolly jolly
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A
female
reader, Emaz help  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 It's the same in most relationships and its normal. It's like when you are constantly with someone...they start becomming annoying after a while. If you're unsure then don't do anything drastic like marry him or move in with him just yet. You need to be 100% and you're obviously not
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (12 May 2010):
 Um, what affection? You're addicted to his affection but have listed over and over, here that there is none.
I'm afraid, my dear, that you don't love this guy at all. You're systematically and temporarily infatuated with him, I'd say. Perhaps you like the IDEA of him more than anything else and when reality smacks you upside the head you're realizing that this guy isn't all that, on any level for you.
Yes, I think you'd be doing yourself a good favor in giving this up. Anything less and you WILL be kidding yourself. remember: to thine own self be true! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2010): Hello,
Sometimes opposites attract, and in your case its true. However, you said having nothing in common has caused you to break up with him before.
You're both talking marriage and you moving down where he is yet there's no work for you there so you'd work with him.
You need to ask yourself If you can forsurely give that up without resenting him. Also if it bothers you so much that you both share nothing in common and you break up and make up you need to seriously think about what you want.
I'm assuming he's faithful, obviously loves you and always takes you back when you end things. He seems sure you're it for him, now you need to make sure he's it for you.
Good luck
;D
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A
female
reader, blissbrite +, writes (12 May 2010):
it seems to me that you do not love him ...but rather he provides comfort and happiness for the time you are with him ..maybe its easier to find that in him than in someone new....personally i think you shold call it quits before you both get hurt ... dont mean to be harsh
good luck =]
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A
male
reader, Hassangote +, writes (12 May 2010):
 When you don't see him, you forget about how much you love him. As soon as you see him. you'll love again.
To answer your question: YOU DO LOVE HIM, YOU JUST FORGET IT.
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