| A ,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and we moved in together nearly 2 months ago. We are enjoying living together but the time he spends on the computer is causing a problem. He really enjoys a particular pc game and will spend every hour he can on it. This includes at night instead of coming to bed or when he comes home from work. He often comes to bed at 3am! He is still loving and says he only doing something he is enjoying. If I complain about it- it causes a rift and it's better for me to not say anything.. but it's getting to the point where I have to ask if I can spend time with him! My family have started noticing and I am worried what they think. I do love him, and he loves me and I don't want this to drive us apart. He has always loved computers but I never noticed how much when we lived apart. Please help
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GhostRider_VH +, writes (4 July 2005):
I am a male, and I know how your boyfriend feels. I rely on my computer heavily for a lot of my life. I mainly program games and different softwares for different companies, I am self-employed and have programmers working for me around the world.I also have a girlfriend, and we see each other a lot. It's difficult for me to explain, but it is an integral part of my life. I spend a lot of time on it. My girlfriend knows I love her, and I frequently take her out to 5 star restaurants or other romantic expeditions. It is thanks to the time I invest on the computer that I have so much money to spend on her. Sometimes I come to bed at 3am, sometimes I come to bed at 9pm. It depends on how much work there is to be done. I know there are times my girlfriend wants more attention than I can give her sometimes, and we have talked about it, but it always ends in uncomfortability between us. She has a slight interest in computer gaming, and enjoys playing with me on the computer. Some girls don't understand Man's attraction to technology and always having to have something better/cooler/bigger than the next male. It's instinctual. I understand how you feel, because I am very intuned with my girlfriends emotions and feelings, but there isnt much that you can do. Just let him have his time. Try taking him out on dates? My girlfriend and I have been together for some time, and I take her out on dates frequently. It doesn't have to be anything too elaborate, we enjoy getting pizza and alcohol and sitting in front of the TV in each others arms watching a movie we both enjoy. Give that a go - I'm sure that'll get him off the computer.I really do hope I helped, and helped you understand where we come from.I'd also like to post some replies, if possible.Anonymous, 4 June 2005:You have a great idea. My girlfriend and I spend a lot of time together doing things we both enjoy, and we love it. It keeps our emotional bond strong. I like your positive thinking.Anonymous, 3 June 2005:It's difficult to set 'relationship times' for him, as he'll not enjoy the time together, but rather look foreward to when he can get back on the computer. Try something like I suggested above, or be creative. Take him out for a day to a day spa or out to a fancy lunch or something - surprise him, and spend the entire day with him - then finish it of with the most passionate sex. You'll win over the computer ANYTIME. Good luck.Anonymous, 1st June 2005:Thats another excellent idea. My girlfriend plays PC games with me, we both get really into it, and LOVE it. It's fantastic.kt, 30 May 2005:This is often seen as the best idea. You have to understand that man's interest in computers is basically instinctual. You have to show him that you can be more fun and interesting than a computer game. It sucks, but its often the best way. Lets face it, computers and computer games ARE fun and VERY addictive and interesting. Good luck.Rebecca Batchelor, 30 May 2005:You almost have it. Complaining about it isnt the right way to go about it. I think I have covered at least 5 good ways to win him back from the computer!star3482, 30 May 2005Guys never change? Thats a very common thing to say if he doesn't act exactly the way girls want us to. Instead of trying to talk, or something to try and rectify the situation, its always 'guys never change.' Perhaps you should look more carefully next time into how you dealt with the situation and ask yourself if there was anything you could've done more.Hope this helped everyone (or at least the question poster.)Regards, and the best of luck - relationships are one of the most wonderful things there are - and no computer can simulate that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2005): Lost him to a computer game... well, mine is lost in the mix of online party poker. He began at 20 dollar tables and now has moved up to 100 tables. He is really good at it but often times does not have the best luck... which mean the obvious: he loses. I have tried to join him and play on my comp. at his place in the play money games but I get bored of that too. I have not given up on him because he means the world to me and I have such an amazing time with him away from the computer, so I can merely suggest you taking up an activity or hobby which almost makes him feel like "maybe I should be doing that..." I recently joined a spinning club, (indoor cycling) and I go twice a week. He always asks questions about the class and seems interested, this has led to me going to the gym regulary and I notice him always calling me when I am there. You know the old saying "you dont know what you've got until it's gone..." Well deprive him of your company a little.Having us by their sides while they partake in their guilty pleasures is a sense of security... so dont give him that advantage. All the luck to you, and hang in there!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2005): yes join him or write a little love note and place it in front of the computer asking him for 1hour of his time and then develop a time line to have together time and just be thankful hes at home and not at the bars trolling for another woman good luck and hang in there
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2005): I think that maybe you should just join him. Play with him. Be a part of what he wants. It's not like you don't like it. You guys just might have fun together. That might help you out because that way you wont feel so left out or ignored and it might help you guys avoid arguing over something like a computer. It's worth a try.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2005): Hey thereI have a boyfriend who is exactly the same and when I approach that I feel forgotten he goes on the defensive and says "ok fine I'll just never go on the computer again", but we don't want to take that away, we just want more attention. I'm sorry I'im not answering your q but there are girls out there just like you. It gets to the point where it affects our sex life and we don't even live together...the worst of it he can only access this game at my house and I enjoy this game too but when he's not there. I agree with Rebecca; try what I try doing and saying can you come off the computer at about 10 for a cuddle and some quality time? But I do know how you feel and it makes you feel boring, doesnt it?good luckLee
...............................
A
reader, kt  +, writes (30 May 2005):
 Well I think that you should tell him how you feel about this and make sure that he understands. I know that it will cause arguments, but you can't go on liveing like this, it's not fair on you.
...............................
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (30 May 2005):
 Suggest he buys a diary so you can book appointments to see him!Seriously, you need to talk to him about this. Rather than complaining to him about the amount of time he spends on his computer game, explain how you feel. Say that you enjoy being with him and would love to spend a bit more time with him. Explain you can understand him wanting to do something that he enjoys but that for your relationship to work, you do need to spend more time together.Suggest a compromise. For example, that he spends so much time on the computer and time with you also. Express that it does make you feel neglected and unhappy and that you don't want it to come between you but that unless he reduces the time he spends on his game, you fear that it will.Try talking to him calmly and hopefully he will reduce the time he spends at his computer.Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, star3482 +, writes (30 May 2005):
It's boring - I had that with an ex - spent all him time either on his decks or the computer so I know how annoying it is. Sorry but my guy never changed; hopefully yours will xxxx
...............................
|
