A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I wonder if you guys can help me.I met this girl a few months ago and we got on really well. we exchanged numbers and for a while we texted everyday. I asked her out and she agreed, But she told me she was in a relationship but wasn't happy and wanted to get away from the guy she is with.And that She does like me.The other day she texted me and told me she was really upset because she had a massive arguement with her boyfriend and was really upset. She told me she had really had enough of him and felt she deserved better. I told her that I didn't want to know her business or what the arguement was about , but I would be there for her if she needed me. I told her straight that she doesn't deserve to be unhappy and that I really like her and that I wished I was her man.The next day I didn't hear anything from her until late that night when I texted her to ask if she was ok. She texted back that she had spent the day sorting stuff out with her boyfriend. I asked her if she was going to stay with him. I really felt confused!!!. She told me that she thought I was a great guy that she could chat with and be her friend. But she loves her boyfriend and would never cheat on him and that she would work through the bad times with him. She told me it was my fault that I had read deeper into the situation that we would get together and that she had promised me nothing.To be honest now I feel really stupid. I wished she had cut me off straight away when I suggested going out. I wish she had cut me off straight away when I told her I wished I was her man. To be honest I don't understand any of it and now feel really confused. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I see the main problem here as you entering into something with someone who was already in a relationship which I assume was monogamous. That is wrong imo. As soon as you found out she was in a relationship you should have bowed out of the situation. I'm sorry that you got hurt, and she is in the wrong here for misleading you. Let it be a lesson not to involve yourself with someone who is already involved. There are too many risks. Take care.
A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (6 March 2011):
Shes just using you as a ringer. Your there to support her and make her feel better but not to date her (Theres actually an episode of How I Met Your Mother describing this exact situation). So if you are gonna be friends with her still just make sure you know its not a relationship nor will it ever be
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A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 She led you on, that's for sure. If she did not ever want to cheat on her bf, then why did she agree to go out with you, tell you that she likes you, and say she thought she "deserved better"?
There is no need to feel stupid. You followed the signals she was giving and although they led to a dead end, you had good reason to follow them. It is SHE who owes YOU an apology.
My own observation is that there are girls out there who get affirmation and confidence from knowing they are wanted. They will say things, make innuendos, flatter, etc. just to create interest, even if they are already in relationships. It does not matter to them how their actions mess with others' emotions; they just like the generalized feeling of being desired.
Probably you should consider yourself lucky that she wants to stay with her boyfriend. She would likely just confuse you more had you entered a relationship with her.
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A
male
reader, Stormsinger  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 I know exactly how you feel there mate, some girls have a tendency to "pick up" guys just to know that they have an exit plan in case if the first plan would fail. I have known this girl for 10 years and her and I have been on and off for ages, but she keeps playing with my feelings, she acts as if she likes me, then bites me in the ass the next day. My advice to you would be to just let her go, and then if she comes running to you, then just blow her off for breaking your heart. I suppose it's kind of harsh but life is harsh.
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A
female
reader, TheFurFiles +, writes (6 March 2011):
 Some people are just messed up. Can you say Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen? Obviously, this woman doesn't know what she wants right now. But how would you know if you didn't put yourself out there? Don't beat yourself up over liking her. You didn't do anything wrong. You sound like a genuinely nice person. Someday someone will appreciate that. But for right now, it won't be her. And don't let her play you. Get out now and find somebody else.
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A
female
reader, please help me +, writes (6 March 2011):
 this girl is insecure she needed somone to tell her she is great and deserves better but really she doesn't if she make someone who obviously is trying to tell her you like her feel that bad then she deserves what she gets, this girl will get hurt and she will come running back to you but you cant let her do this she is using you she may not realise what she is doing but she is doing it, i thiink the first step is to move on i know itll be hard and you will feel that you never can but life is far to short to pine over someone for the entirety of your life, ur not stupid for feeling what you did or getting the impression you did, if anything this shows that you are soo caring so find someone who can see you for what you are :)
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