A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hiya All,I have some questions on sex. 1) I've heard some women physically can't orgasm. Is there any way to know if you can't climax? I've been sexually active with my boyfriend for 8months now and he knows my body and what i like better than i do; so why can't i orgasm?Everything we do feels amazing but i just can't seem to get there, i feel like i get close but not close enough. i was once told an orgasm is when the vaginal muscles contract over and over, i've felt this but it doesn't feel as powerful as i've heard an orgasm is so i presume it's not one. Is it an orgasm? Do i just have too high expectations?I also can't orgasm when i masturbate so i realy have doubts that i can orgasm, what do you think?2)I recently had sex in the shower, i used a condom and it didn't split so i know i'm safe.Basically i have a few questions:A) Was i just lucky that it didn't break?B) Does the 'safeness' of a condom decrease when water is included?C) I'm on the pill too, so if the condom does break how safe am i?D)Nothing to do with the shower, but i recently changed my pill to 'cilest' and my mum told me she used to be on cilest and is what she was on when she fell pregnant with me. should i trust it?3)I lost my virginity last month and it was very very painful and for a few times afterwards too. i guess i got used to my boyfriend but why do i sometimes still hurt now? does he occasionally go too deep? or am i not wet enough? What positions will help to get me to climax but not allow his penis to go too deep? sorry if it's a bit long, any help would be great :)
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condom, lost my virginity, muscle, orgasm, the pill, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, MugenTj  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 I think you should do some research about different ways contraceptives and how effective they are and their side effects. Just Google.I've been with my gf for a month and we have sex often. I just do my best not to ejaculate inside her. This week she is having a period, so we are safe. I currently keeping track of her period better, because once you can estimate when the girl ovulates then you can determine when you need to be careful the most (or simply avoiding intercourse). The most I would do is wear condom (which I have not), but I wont put her on pills. I think having the condom on is pretty safe already, even in the shower, I dont see any reason otherwise.About your orgasm, I just ask my gf, and she said that there are two way to reach it. 1. By oral sex. It will last for a while and also take longer to get there. I do spend a lot of time on this. 2. By intercourse. She said "puppy style" works best. It will last shorter. But as you know a girl can have as many orgasm as possible.About the pain issue, do give yourself time to have it wet. My gf says it still hurt when it's dry. Same for me. I think some people cant be wet enough so they use lubricant.
A
female
reader, Molly9945 +, writes (18 July 2011):
I think it is possible for some women not to be able to orgasm. I haven't yet, and can't make myself, neither can my boyfriend, though it does feel great. Nothing works for me basically.You are always lucky when a condom doesn't break, and I don't think water effects if it will break or not, though it could wash off any lubricant.If you take the pill at the same time every day you have a .01% chance of getting pregnant. Doubled with a condom you are almost 100% safe(the only way to be 100% safe is abstinence)The effect of birth control from one person to another varies, and your mom could have been taking it improperly. Sex will hurt every now and again. He could be too long, in which case you should tell him not to go in all the way.I've found doggy style and missionary are pleasurable though not too deep of penetration for me, but it is different for all people, so just experiment
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (18 July 2011):
I'll allow others to comment in more detail, but I think your main problem's just a question of learning to relax, since you are quite young and everything seems so new. No matter what the romance novels and porn films suggest, sex is like learning to ride a bicycle- remember doing that? Not too much fun at first, and there are sometimes painful accidents until you can actually enjoy yourself. Only by taking things slowly and 'practising' can you become more at ease, and learn to savour something which really does take time to get right. And it never will be perfect every time, so enjoy what pleasures you can find with each instance of lovemaking, and each new partner if that becomes part of the equation. If you're open to letting things evolve, all will be well.
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