A
male
age
36-40,
*hrisno27
writes:I find it difficult to be attracted to girls my own age .because some girls have said to my face im ugly. Now i find it so difficult to love myself. At one pointnice guy, but they say nice guys are not good looking. I once wanted to take my own life because of my disgusting face and i was comparing myself to freddy kruger and how im as ugly as him. Im 19 and it is really getting to me, i have had help in the past, i do lots of exercise but still does not help. Is there any girl out there who is mad enough to be my g/f or iam i going to be single all my life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, C1 +, writes (1 February 2009):
Hello i am in a similar situation. but my story is a bit different. I am quite a lot older than you but i have only ever had one girlfriend and that was 5 years ago. I have never been good looking although some girls that i know have discribed me as OK looking. my real problem started about 4 years ago when my hair started to go thin. Until this point i had a little bit of confidence, but when i noticed my hair receeding that small bit of confidence was destroyed. I cut my hair short to try and disguise it, but a girl that i knew actually told me i looked ugly now my hair was thin. I got depressed until 1 year ago when i said to myself lets do somthing about this. I ordered hair loss pills from the internet and now 1 year on, my hair is thicker and my confidence is slowly returning.
I am now going to join a dating agency in an attempt to try and get a girlfriend. My advice is ignore the nasty comments from people, and try to think positive. I hope this helps.
A
male
reader, sbunet  +, writes (8 November 2008):
my man you are not the only one in this situation, we are together my man. i am also ugly, poor, and stupid. i do have friends but i spend most of my time alone thinking to my self, why me. were ever i go i see everyone is good looking but not me . then i decided that i should just focus on my future and build my self a career maybe one day i will be rich and will be able to aford those expensive make overs and be attractive. i know that this not helpful but i was just trying to help
good luck my man.
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A
female
reader, godschild81  +, writes (6 December 2007):
I didn't read through all of the replies you've gotten so far, but this is my personal opinion... I know that you'll find that special girl one day, no question. And, for as hurtful and difficult as it is to have been mistreated the way you have been, it may actually make things better in the long run. Now, I'm not saying it's right what those girls did...far from it! It's awful that there are people out there that are so very cruel. But think about this, when you do finally find that one perfect girl, the thing you're going to love most about her is that she's NOTHING like those other girls. And that is going to make her all the more special to you. Believe me, I know where of I speak!
Also, no matter what anyone says...you are great. God loves you, and you should love yourself. You can't give love if you don't love yourself first, and you certainly want to be able to love that special girl when she finally does walk into your life. Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, gfneedshelp +, writes (29 November 2007):
From what I've read as responses, I'd have to agree with them. Everyone feels bad about themselves at times. I'm actually going through that right now, but I know that I'll end up ok. A lot of people are immature and I have absolutely NO idea why people are so rude sometimes. They probably were insecure about themselves for some reason and felt saying it would make them feel better about themselves somehow.
Everyone looks different (that sounds corny) but its true. No one can say that one person is better looking that another person. Everyone is looking for something different. I know that I am not attracted to "hot" guys at all. I always look for cute flaws that make the person unique.
There is a girl in my major that always seems to get attention from guys and girls alike. She always seemed to be so confident and just happy. I thought of her as the intimidating girl because she seemed so perfect. Then I realized that the reason she felt so intimidating to me was her confidence. She has the same body as me, but I couldn't look past her attitude. It may be hard, but sometimes putting on a fake sense of confidence will help you to gain confidence. You will realize that a lot more people are attracted to you when you feel you are attractive. I know it will take time, but eventually, you will be more comfortable with yourself.
I know things will get better. Feel free to message me with any more questions.
Anyway, things will get better. I promise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): The truth is the physical aspect can only go so far. Sure, girls will most likely go for the guy who appears more attractive but when she realizes he has nothing more to offer her than she will be looking for that nice guy. You seem like a sweet guy and the reason you don't have a girlfriend is not because of the way you look, it is because they are not right for you. Believe in yourself and that confidence will make an impact. Personally, I am not interested in the way a guy looks, but would much rather be with a guy that cares about me and loves me for who I am. Don't give up. You are where you need to be at this point and everything else will fall into place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): i bet your not ugly, no one is. and most often the best lookers are the ones with self esteem. i sometimes have low self esteem about the way i look cos im 16 and never had a boyfriend and i cant understand cos im not stereotipically fit but im not ugly. Everyone finds that special someone believe me ive seen it happen to people in your sitution. just be confident and dont let people put u down. people who do that r unhappy with their own lot. if u really cant stop feeling down talk to someone who can give you professional advice as they know how to deal with severe low self esteem. youll find that special someone beleive me thers a soul mate for everyone.
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A
male
reader, chrisno27 +, writes (19 November 2007):
chrisno27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, all of your post have really helped and thanx again. :)
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (19 November 2007):
Dude,
Don't ever be put down by such people. Just because they think that don't mean it's exactly true. Remember even others see those girls as ugly. Just have self-esteem and confidence whch most gals look for rather than looks. I know you'll meet other girls with a different opinion about your looks.So please don't be destressed or depressed.Be glad because a girl who dates you based on looks is bound to disappoint you.Be yourself and be proud of who you are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): Hey man,
don't ever let anyone put you down. Some people are asses just because they lack confidence in themselves. The girls that actually called you ugly would be a waste of time anyways, they are probably really really high maintenance. There are some very beautiful and sweet girls out there. I met my gf (four years now) at your age.
One thing I have to mention is, meeting chicks at bars or clubs is not a very good idea (unless you looking for a one night stand). If you are still in school, I suggest that you join an association that you are interested in, but that would appeal to both sexes too.
Just remember this,
always be yourself, and be proud of that,
chicks dig the confidence.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (18 November 2007):
 I have seen tens of 'ugly' sweat stinking men sleeping with tons of girls around. Just be confident of yourself. You value yourself others start valueing you.
Dont look for the right girl be content with yourself be interested in others without looking or expecting. Then they will come round.
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (18 November 2007):
 Hi,
That’s pretty tough going to hear something like that – no matter who it comes from. This is not the type of person you want to be with anyway.
I have heard that ‘nice guys don’t win’ comment lots of times, but there is no point trying to be someone you are not. It doesn’t work – be who you are. If you are a nice guy – then you are going to meet a nice girl. Girls who meet ‘Non-nice guys’ will not be happy with them, because the relationship has shallow foundations. You will need to look for something deeper and more meaningful in a relationship than just good looks.
If you have a problem with your appearance, there ARE things you can do to help the situation. Appearance can be improved in different areas and you can work on different ones. Exercise is a great one, and I am glad you are doing it. Despite what you say, it DOES help. There are guys out there who are overweight and fat and have much less chance of attracting a girl than someone who is fit and keeps themselves in shape. Other things are keeping your face clean, shaving, using facewash, keeping your teeth in good condition. Also clothes are another area – you can make sure you are always presentable, and not walking around in old torn tracksuits. So you see there are many ways you can improve your situation despite your lack of confidence in one area.
You may not have been rewarded yet – but do not despair - you must keep trying until the opportunity comes your way – and you will be ready for it because you will have been looking after yourself for a long period of time. The alternative is not to try and that will certainly lead to failure.
I don’t like to read you considering taking your own life. That is a permanent solution to what is generally a temporary problem. That would destroy everything you have ever done in your life, and it would destroy your families lives too because they will never forgive themselves for not being able to help you through your tough time. Things may not be great for you now – but a lot can happen in a year in this life and it could be all different next year.
So, No – you are not going to be single all your life. I know this because you are serious about wanting to be in a relationship. You are single now, but that will change because you want it to change, and you are going to take positive action to improve your situation.
Try not to look for someone who is like those girls who said that to you – you will be happier in a relationship with someone who is more sensitive and considerate. They don’t have to be gorgeous looking either – but they will be beautiful people inside.
As regards finding her – think about the person you believe you will be happy with. Imagine her. What she is like. What her hobbies are. How are you going to meet this person? Will she be in the gym? Maybe you should go there? Will she be in a tennis club? Maybe you should join one? Increase your chances of meeting the kind of person you want by putting yourself where they are likely to be.
Hope this helps give you some direction,
Best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): Hi there,
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I am a female and I have been atracted to men, who if the girls you have seen, seen them, would have said they are ugly too :) , but, attraction and chemistry is not about the way we look, it's how we carry ourselves, and how we interact with people and show we care, so if you have a good caring heart, you will find a women who deserves the love you have to offer, and you should be happy that you are not in a relationship with one of those shallow girls who are so mean to tell someone in their face that he is ugly, they are the ugly ones because they have ugly hearts.
Keep your chin up and try to work on your confidance, a confidant man is a very sexy man .
Good luck and take care, you will soon find the right girl.
XXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): Chris, you will not be single all your life. There is a girl out there for you, you just haven't found her yet. There are many guys who haven't dated until they are in their 20's. The teen years are very, very awkward for many males..and many of them don't come into their handsome years until the maturity of adulthood sets in. You are 19, Chris, on the cusp of adulthood. So let's think all this over, maturely and rationally. These females who were cruel to you. Have you ever asked yourself what type of people would tell another person to their face, that they are ugly? Really think about that. The only people, I think that are truely ugly, were these girls, themselves.. What small, petty people they are! You will run into people like this over and over again, the one's whose ugliness spills out of them from the inside. My suggestion is to ignore them and take a look at you, on the inside first. You have manners, you are polite, you are nice to others. Stay that way...don't change. All you need now is the confidence. That will come if you want to put in the efforts. Firstly, let me say, no one has the right to judge how you look but you, and if you decide to be handsome, then handsome is what you will project to others. Other people will respond to you as ugly, if only you think of yourself as ugly. You have to change the negative attitude. Chris, I have seen people who have lost limbs, had their face ravaged from disease and illness such as cancer and yet, in my mind, they were beautiful people. Why? Because, deep within, they had courage to forge on. They didn't give up. They had something..it was self-confidence. An incredible gift to be loving and generous to others. I remember an old friend from high school, a few years back. He wasn't the best looking guy in school but...he had this incredible, energetic, positive spirit to him. I can't describe it. And no matter what, he always smiled at others. And you know what, he dressed well and he made the best of what he had. Combining that with confidence and a positive energy, he was a chick magnet. So Chris, if you want to...you can look amazing. But you have to believe. I suggest you find a female friend or family member to help you. Go shopping, get a new haircut, research the internet on men's fashions.. find ways to bring out the best in you. But..in order to pull this off..you have remember...self-love, confidence in oneself, generosity, respect for others and oneself is far more attractive than physical beauty on the outside. If you are having a hard time of still getting your self-confidence...think about taking a self-esteem course. I wish you the best in your future, Chris and the best way to get through this, surround yourself with encouraging, good people. From that you will thrive..but most of all..blieve in YOU. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, lil'shade +, writes (18 November 2007):
I think you shouldn't listen to wat everybody says. I sure everyone wont think your ugly. Girls might not want to date you because you don't have self-esteem. When another girl say's dat say no I'm not all the girls want me & see wat she say's.
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A
female
reader, lil'shade +, writes (18 November 2007):
I think you shouldn't listen to wat everybody says. I sure everyone wont think your ugly. Girls might not want to date you because you don't have self-esteem. W
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A
female
reader, Kayleigh :) +, writes (18 November 2007):
 Hello :)Them girls who have said your ugly are immature and stupid. Dont worry, you will find someone, you just have to go out there and look. You are not ugly you are unique and different from everyone else, trust me you will find a girl that you like and can be yourself around. Try to love yourself, tell yourself you are 'fit' and try to be more confident around girls, the more confident you are the more girls will notice you.Hope i have helped :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): Stop beating yourself up now! Beauty comes from within and i am sure you are a very lovely person. How rude and nasty some people are, there are no limits to how they can run us down. My first husband was like that and i didnt feel too good about myself. Stop whittling about it and stop listening to other people. Get out there and be with friends who are not so harsh, rude and uncaring. You are only 19 and have the world before you so forget all this nonsense about comparing yourself to anyone else. Choose your friends wisely and hold your head up high. One day you will meet someone who you so rightly deserve and they will see the beautiful person who is the real you.
take care and keep in touch if you want.
xx
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