A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Same dress, same hair, same make up, same place. One night guys are all over me askin for my number, buying me drinks.Went out with same girlfriends yesterday night there, no attention whatsoever. One asked my friend if I'm having fun.I was actually having lots of fun, dancing and smiling. Not a single guy came up and talked to me, the whole night.I would understand if it was a different clothes, like sometimes I wear more revealing, sometimes more conservative. It's the same dress, same shoes. I can never guess. When I go out I'm ready to socialize, I'm usually very friendly if someone wants to talk, but I won't come up to a guy myself. Sometimes as I described I talk all nite, and having lots of fun, sometimes like last nite, my girlfriends were surrounded by guys, but not me, like I had a pimple in a middle of my nose, which I didn't:). Is it coming from within , my mood, or may be I feel intimidated about something, and guys feel it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 September 2012):
OP, sorry if I offended you. I made the bold comparison of reliance on strangers' attention and interest, in hopes of making you see how unhealthy that is.
Most people appreciate attention and acknowledgement from the opposite sex, but you sounded like you didn't just need it, you expected it. It seemed to bother you enough to come here and ask why it didn't happen this time, while there is obviously no way anyone could ever have a clear cut answer for you.
You have to remember we only have your post to go on. That's all the info we have. From the info you put up, I gathered that you were placing more importance on this than people normally do. I replied accordingly. I can't look inside your head so it could happen that interpretations are off.
["Actually I never mentioned of feeling worthless because guys didn't talk to me that nite, in fact I wrote that I was actually was having lots of fun, dancing and smiling, didn't I?"]
But the fact a friend felt the need to ask you whether you were enjoying yourself suggests that your body language didn't show this excitement and happiness. Maybe it's an insignificant detail, but you put it up so I figured it was important.
["I guess noone ever feels like I felt that nite judging by responses."]
I work as a parttime bartender, so I know as well as anyone that crowds can differ greatly in number and behavior. I never wonder why --unless there's an increase of violence-- I just know that it does. It's natural.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): Thank u for comparing me to escort. I really don't know how it feels to be an escort, so really I can't relate to this remark, as I never made money this way and hopefully never will.Actually I never mentioned of feeling worthless because guys didn't talk to me that nite, in fact I wrote that I was actually was having lots of fun, dancing and smiling, didn't I?And I can agree completely with a anon.poster who said, any woman who says that she doesn't need male attention is most likely lying.We don't need it to breath or survive,or function, but we need it because it's very pleasant and one of the joys of life. It's like we don't need to listen to nice music, or have good sex, or be in love but we do it because we want our lives to be joyful, don't we. All we really need to survive is a shelter, food and clothes, but we don't stop there, right?I didn't mean this post to go so far as to turn into discussion about me feeling worthless or me feeling like escort, or me better feel this than that.I felt what I felt that nite, there was no sadness, or feeling on worthlessness, I don't even know where that came from.It was just a simple curiosity. We tend to associate places with how we felt there, that's why I came back with my friends there because it was a perfect nite the first time. I just wanted to repeat that experience, that's all. I liked the ambience and I liked how I felt there.The second nite was not as full of events, that's all, despite the fact that everything was the same. I guess it was a silly question. I guess noone ever feels like I felt that nite judging by responses.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 OK, it matters to you, and may I ask WHY does it matter to you ?
Everybody likes attention , but not everybody needs it, at least not to the point of noticing if one night they get a little less attention than in average. Male attention from strangers is one of those things that is nice ( up to a point ) if it's there, if it happens, - but if at times does not happen , who cares, it barely registers. Isn't it ?....Or, does it matter that you receive constant attention, always the same flow of admiration, looks and compliments from perfect strangers ?
Anyway , tryng to answer a bit more technically to your answer, and confirming what other Aunts said - nothing too strange about that. Just the quirkiness of case and happenstance. YOU had the same dress, shoes and hairdo- but the guys were different. The first night you chanced into a bunch of people who liked your style and look, you were their type , the second night the crowd was different and they liked different girls, different looks. Not every guy likes the same physical traits, and kind of attire- they have tastes and preferences too, thanks God, imagine how things would be boring and predictable otherwise. It goes for personality too, it sounds like you acted lively, outgoing and approachable in the club. This is an attractive quality for several guys - but not for all, some might have seen you as intimidating, out of their league. Some like their girls more mysterious, reserved , - or demure. Different strokes for different people. As long as you are self confident, and you can still have fun whether 20 pairs of eyes are on you, or none...
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 September 2012):
The other day I was walking home after doing some shopping and this guy stopped me and said I looked lovely. I was wearing cargo pants, a long, fitted T-shirt with an elaborate print, a short motorcycle jacket and low heels. I had my hair up in a bun. I don't get that every day I wear that outfit and have my hair the same way. In fact, it's one of the few times this has happened to me, ever. I don't put on that outfit expecting to have guys tell me how lovely I am. I just cherish the few times it has happened.
It takes guts for people to approach someone, so appreciate when they do and don't feel sad when they don't. Not every guy is as confident as the other and not every guy goes out to score a chick's number. Some just want to socialize with their friends. Some have girlfriends at home. Who knows.
Don't take the attention for granted and don't let it ruin your evening when you don't get any. Don't be like the escort who feels good when she makes a lot of bucks and feels worthless when she only made $25 on one day. It's not good to have your self worth depending on the amount of attention you get.
Plus if you're looking like you expect men to fall over themselves to appeal to you, you may come across as intimidating and arrogant. Not saying that you are, but sometimes the way we perceive ourselves is very different than how other people perceive us.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 September 2012):
 the moon was out of alignment?
a million reasons could be why...
maybe they were the same guys the last time you wore the dress
maybe it was different friends
maybe the guys had different friends
or they were just out for drinks
i think you should go out with your friends to have a good time with them and not get the male attention... and I bet when you don't care they will be all over you... can't explain why that happens but it does...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): OP, don't let anyone make you feel bad for caring about male attention. All women want it, and any woman who says otherwise is likely lying. Just like men want women to approve of them, women want the same from men. That said, I usually don't admit to this, because I'm married. So I'm not SUPPOSED to care anymore what other men think. I still do, though. If no men besides my husband looked at me, I would start to question what he even sees in me as far as appearance goes. I mean, why should he find me attractive if no one else does? Getting checked out by other men is like getting "confirmation" of what my husband says about me. Not to mention, it just feels good to be noticed every now and then. Now, I don't go out of my way to get it. I don't dress skimpy or wear make up, which makes it feel even better to get noticed, because it means they like the real me. I don't have to be all painted up.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Do you get attention when you are by yourself, and NOT when you are with your girlfriends????
'Cuz guys KNOW that we have to "cut a girl out from the herd" (get her alone) to put the moves on her. AND, if she's by herself, we get to bypass all that tension and anxiety.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): If I asked this question than it matters to me right?!
It might not matter to you, katie, but it might matter to other people like me. That's why I asked this question because it matters to me. It's not an issue, it's not a big deal in any way, but it matters to me. I do have fun wether guys pay attention to me or not, its besides the point.
We all want attention, you, me and the rest of the planet. Because we are social beings, and when someone tries to deny this fact its silly.
From the second we are born we need attention from another human being.
What I was hoping is to get more insightful answers and may be for someone to share their own experience. That didn't happen, o well, thanks anyway.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Why does it matter? I suggest you focus more on having fun than worrying about who and who is not paying attention to you.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Some nights you'll get a lot of attention and other nights nothing. It happens to everyone. A joke might be funny with one crowd but not another, despite the overwhelming similarities in the cultural, and socio-economic make up of the audience.
Luck of the draw. I'm not sure why this is an issue.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 If you were wearing the same dress, same hair, same make up in the same place, the same guys will have been up to talk to you already and maybe decided that they would look for new girl, different hair, different make up?
Maybe you're getting a rep for wearing the same dress/shoes/clothes and they think there's something odd about that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): Different guys in the club or bar on different nights perhaps?
Maybe some of the guys you came across on that particular night were gay?
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