A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, so I'm going to get right into it. So I have a male best friend, lets just call him Ben. He's 21 and I'm 18. We've been as I would call it the best of friends rather than "best friends", for the past four years. To me the idea of calling each other "best friends" just seems childish at our age. Then there's this guy, who I know liked me, and has some lingering feelings which I've never ever lead him to think there's anything more than a friendship between us. Lets just call him Jack. He's 19. He first admitted to liking me four years ago, around the time I became friends with Ben. But back then we weren't as involved in each others lives as what we are now.Recently on a night out, I was in a bar talking to Ben's friend. Ben was there too but I wasn't really talking to him much. And Jack kept coming over to try and talk to me, and again, I was too engaged in conversation with Ben's friend to take much notice, so when Jack offered to walk me home, I just agreed half heartedly thinking nothing of it. This is something which later came to light had annoyed Ben, because apparently Jack wouldn't leave me alone and he "knew exactly what Jack wanted". Myself and Jack did walk home, but nothing happened apart from the odd cuddle and Jack trying to kiss me, which I pushed him away and refused. I got home to texts off Ben asking if I had gotten home alright, and then his tone completely changed to then asking questions that implied something may have went on between me and Jack. At the time I felt this wasn't his place to ask questions so I dismissed Ben's questions.Ever since then, Ben has had a real issue with Jack. They know of each other, but they don't know each other. Now Ben's telling me that I have to put Jack straight, that he's a creep, that he can't stand him. He's even told me recently that he feels like telling him to f**k off. He did just that this weekend on a night out. Ben asks me questions all the time on the subject of Jack, like if I've heard from him, and when it comes to putting Jack straight I need to tell him how I word it for future reference. In which I told him he was just being nosey. He's even told me that if Jack ever wants to walk me home again he needs to get permission from him. I don't mind talking about this situation with Ben, afterall we share everything and I know I'm not attracted to Jack. And Ben know's this too. But it seems like he's needing constant clarification of that fact. I'll admit, Jack comes into the bar that I work in, and our friendship is now an awkward one because he's crossed the line and tried to make it more, which isn't what I wanted to happen, so I don't really like seeing him or being around him comfortably like I used to be able to. Ben knows this hence him telling me I need to put Jack straight. But in my mind Jack's leaving for University in a few weeks, I don't need to tell him that or set anything straight before he goes. Ben seems completely obsessed with my situation with Jack and can't seem to let it drop. I don't know whether its Jack I should be setting straight or Ben. In the sense that its not his place to be involving himself so heavily in my business. For example I don't tell people he's seeing romantically to f**k off. So why is he so involved in my business? What should I do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 I think he is right you need to set Jack straight so that he knows where he stands with you. Just simply explain to him that you think he is a good friend but you are just not interested in him like that. It is the best thing to do believe me.
Now as for Ben you need to talk to him about this as well. Yes you both might be good friends but it does not give him the right to involve himself so personally in your private life. Yes it is okay for him to be concerned about you, off course it is, but he took it to far. You need to talk to him, and ask him why he reacted so strongly, it could be a case that he himself may have feelings for you, or it could be that he is just over protective of you and looks at you like a younger sister. But it needs to be cleared up so you need to talk to him and ask him what the deal is.
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