A
female
age
26-29,
*aisy Renton
writes:Dear anonymous, I am writing to you because I can't deal with the pain and constant change of emotions I am currently going through. I cannot fully remember the last time I was truly happy. I am however taking my a levels which I realise is adding to stress but the fact that I've failed lmost all of my mocks so far isn't helping . Not only this but my best friend who I had grown serious feelings for had just come out gay to me two day after my birthday in September. He now has a boyfriend and lost his virginity or whatever. The thing is I am 17 and have never had a boyfriend before. I understand that I don't need one to be happy but I feel as if there is something wrong with me. I went threw a stage of not eating cause I was scarred something bad would happen and I lost a stone. But im also 5.foot 11 and I don't know if that's intimidating or what. If im ugly or weird. I just don't understand why no one likes me? So what is wrong with me and is there any way I can change this or at least become happier?
View related questions:
best friend, has a boyfriend, never had a boyfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (11 February 2014):
 Don't worry, it's perfectly normal to feel a bit depressed at your age, because that's hormones working. In fact, a lot of western women feel the same because in our "advanced" civilization, we have prioritized education and "good behaviour" in order to build a stable and competences-based way of life.Yet, objectively, a girl is "a woman" (it's to say a sexually able person) at, say, 14-15 yo, but as we have "found" it was way too early to have sex (because of sex consequences, like venereal diseases, unexpected pregnancies etc.) it has been forbidden or at least denigrated.That's that dissonance between your deep desire (or needs) and the way you are expected to behave that produces such a bad feeling that can even reach the will to die in a lot of countries. You're body tells you you should be "making babies" while society tells you "don't be a whore, behave yourself". And you end feeling yourself out casted as you have no boyfriend while other girls do have and have no remorse to have fun.YET you are still very young, and nothing is over. You will be able to find a boyfriend in some months if you want/need to, but in the meanwhile have fun and culture as already recommended it to you below, as to be a precious people any guy will be so glad and proud to go out with.And if you really want to be more attractive, never EVER underestimate the importance of hygiene, and try to make you prettier as you are now. Believe me, I've a little work in advertising and I can assure you some very nice models were banal women who learnt how to make up themselves. Looking at their nude face and the photographs in their portfolio was ashtoning, this was not the same woman at all, and each way to make them up created a "new" person. Notice I don't advice you to become an impostor, nor to make up yourself like a bad girl, but just to understand that you have to enhance your person as to intrigue men, love/sex/attraction works a lot with strangeness... the more you will be woman, the more men will notice you AS a woman. Take my word.
A
female
reader, Angel S +, writes (10 February 2014):
 Oh honey. I know how you are feeling. My A levels were just a horrendous stressful time. I actually flat out failed all of my subjects from the first year of college because I let a stupid college boy break my heart. During my second year I turned everything around, I put my head down and dragged my grades up, had to watch this jerk of a guy get with his new girlfriend in front of my eyes but hey ho life goes on. I am now stronger for it and came out of college with decent grades and a place in University. It is such an awkward, stressful time of a teenagers life surround yourself with friends and take time out to give yourselves a break. Go to the cinema, join a club or go down to the local café for a hot chocolate and a gossip! I can guarantee you right now that you are not weird or ugly and there is nothing at all wrong with you. It's normal to feel a little out of place at college. 5"11? Are you kidding me, that's stuff supermodels are made of! I can send you straight to the Victoria's Secret website where all the models are 5"9+++ and the gorgeous Karlie Kloss is 6"1! Don't think height is an issue at all!I have had some guy experience sure, but to this day I have not had a proper 'relationship' just flings that didn't take off too well. I used to worry there was something wrong with me but this is just not the case. It will happen in time, you just need to find the right guy. Don't even worry about those things now you are just 17 there is plenty of time for all that to come. Concentrate on having fun with your friends and I know its hard but sticking in at college.Good Luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): There's nothing wrong with any of the things you describe. I can't see from any of those things any real reason to be depressed. Your height is fine, a levels are just exams without any real meaning, not eating wasn't a great idea but I assume you got over that, your height is perfect, people do like you and not having had a boyfriend yet means nothing either because life is not some kind of timed competition.
No offence, OP but a lot of it is your age. You're expected to be able to handle life and all it throws at you because you're deemed mature enough but that also means people don't really take the time to help you through stuff for that reason too. I enjoyed being a teenager for the most part but I do also remember how tough it was at times. I was very lucky though in that I rebelled against the idea of fitting in, still do, so I never felt lonely while single, never felt it mattered how I looked, what I wore or how others perceived me so I had zero pressure in those regards. I just played guitar in bands, listened to music, went to tonnes of gigs and enjoyed hanging around and doing nothing.
What you just need to figure out, OP is that there is truly nothing wrong with you in the sense of the things that you think matter. Your weight is fine unless you're unhealthily thin or fat, your height is perfect and other girls wished they could be that way without heels. Your best friend getting a partner is a good thing you should be happy with, not make it a reflection on yourself, exams are a bitch there's no getting around that except to not worry, they're not as important as the school system tells you they are (trust me I'm a teacher).
Just tough it out, be patient, talk to your friends and family about how you feel, and ask for help when you need it. Talk about your fears and concerns with them no matter how stupid you feel they are, if they matter to you then they're not stupid. Just make sure you trust them when they say those things don't make you any less normal and trust them when they say how special you are. Life can be tough, OP, being a teenager can be a bitch sometimes too, but talking really does help so talk.
Oh and do some more fun shit in your life. Got to lots of gigs, parties, meet new people, go bowling, watch movies, listen to as much new music as can while you're still young enough to want to blast them loudly out of your speakers. Get out there and have fun, and try not to rely too heavily on the internet for that kind of stuff. 10 minutes face to face is worth an hour online chatting or messaging on your phone. Also ignore all that shit about being pretty, about needing to be a with a boy and all the other shit you're told you have to to be normal, happiness is more important than fitting in. Be happy with yourself, if you live a good life and are good to others then you're automatically a beautiful person and that's all you need to be happy with yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, Questing for Love  +, writes (10 February 2014):
 You're not ugly or weird. I'm 19, a sophomore in college, and I still have not had a single boyfriend unless you count "dating" a player in my class for less then a week in 5th grade...hahaI often have felt similar to you, but deep down I know that the reason I don't get boyfriends is because I don't necessarily try very hard. I'm an a very shy introvert and don't put myself out there. I keep to myself, I'm always looking down, and I'm very quiet, therefore guys kinda just don't notice me. It's not that I'm ugly, but it is my fault that I'm not putting in any efforts.Same goes for you. You're not ugly but do you try to put yourself out there? Do you flirt? Smile at guys? Start up conversations? If not then you're in the same boat as me. Boyfriends are not everything though. Even though I have my down days, I still enjoy my life. I fill it with music, reading, singing, etc. You have to find a passion you truly love and focus on that. That way you join a group or something related to that passion and meet others that share the passion with you.I'm assuming by your age that you're still in high school or are about to graduate, so don't worry about relationships now as they probably wouldn't last long with you being close to going to college. Focus on you and then when you move on to higher education you can work on getting to know more people and socializing.Good luck and try to cheer up! There's plenty to enjoy in life :)
...............................
|
