A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Please help me.Today, I'm so, so miserable about everything. Call it an off-day if you must, but whatever it is, it's dragging me WAAAY down.It's just over 3 months since my girlfriend and first love broke up with me, due to (as she claims) the distance between us that would only get harder to endure when she moved to University. Since we met, we've lived over 200 miles apart. She moved to University the other week, and we haven't spoken for about a month or so now.I dreamt about her last night. I've dreamt about her some time ago, and it was very similar, only this time she sounded angry towards me until right at the end where she threw her arms around me and said she loved me.All day, the slightest reminder/thought of her has sent me spiraling down. I WANT HER BACK!! Every part of me misses her. Still! It's been months and suddenly today alone, it seems like I'm back to day one!What is going on!? I don't want to be back at this stage again. I want to move forward, but I don't want a life without her at my side. I don't think there is ever going to be a future with her, and I'm not sure why anymore. She must have gone off me to some extent.What can I do???? This is HORRIBLE!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): You miss her so much because you dreamt about her. One time I had a dream that Paris Hilton and me fell in love. And for about 2 weeks I felt deep sypathy for myself because I could never be with Paris Hilton. Even though it is very unrealistic/completely imppobable I still felt as if I loved her.. Its in the dreams man. I do not like Paris Hilton just for like 2 weeks and time heals.
A
male
reader, Hope to Help +, writes (1 October 2007):
Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you need to send another e-mail because the last one didn't get the response you wanted. E-mail after e-mail will push you further appart and intensify your pain further. It is easy to let a situation like this spiral out of control.
I know it is easy to say, but time is a great healer and you must be philosophical about the situation. Friends are an asset and spending time with other people is important, keep yourself occupied and your mind busy. Take each day as it comes and set yourself goals. In time you will wonder what the fuss was all about. It isn't easy, but trying to keep things alive is only destructive.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (29 September 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question You're right Brooke, I have heard that a lot, but yours was a very honest and true answer. Thank you very much for your insite! xx
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (28 September 2007):
 I remember breaking up with my first love and let me tell you i understand EXACTLY how you feel. You've never experienced a break up like this before and you've never known pain like this so you dont know how long it will last or how to deal with it.
you've heard this a million and one times im sure and its gotta be the most annoying thing to hear when your heart is broken but believe me it will get easier! i think you are just having an off day and i think its the dream that has caused it. its almost like you have seen her and spoken to her and that has put you straight back to square one and reminded you of how much you miss her.
from having been through what you're going through now and from having been in a position where i honestly thought i was going to die from a broken heart, all i can tell you is that you just have to take it one day at a time. you could try contacting her one more time, emailing or texting (preferably not calling cos hearing her voice will make you miss her even more and if she says no that will make you feel worse) tell her you have missed her and been thinking about her and wondered if she wanted to give it a go. if she says no there is nothing you can do but move on.
let yourself feel bad for a short while - its normal and its healthy. but then you NEED to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get back to being you.
keep busy, hang out with friends, dont sit around thinking about her. take it one day at a time and one day you will realise you havent thought about her in a while. i think it goes in stages. right now you want to be with her, but soon you will start to feel like your not over her yet but you want to be over her. and that is the first milestone. and you just keep going from there. give it 6 months and you will be over her - you'll always have feelings for her but not as intense as they are now.
good luck
brooke
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): you move on. i miss my ex and i am going through the exact same thing but it happens. sorry bro.
spend time with your friends. stay busy.
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A
female
reader, brown eyez +, writes (27 September 2007):
i knw youve probly heard this a thousand times bt this is the advice i have:
first of al dreams are weird n nobody realy knwz y we have them or how 2 control them. itz goin 2 b hard 2 move on exspecialy bcuz she is ur first love. bt eventualy u wil there wil b tymz when things remind you of her nd ul rememba the tymz u shard 2geva bt eventualy u wil 4get. your young and u have ur whole life ahead of you n there r loadz of other girls out there. so dnt dwel on the past, try 2 4get, move on and have fun xxx
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 What can you do aside from managing your pain, and grief. I know it hurts, and some days you just want to crawl in a hole and disappear.
It may be hard for her to believe in having a longer distance relationship. I'll tell you, if she enjoyed her time with you, this decision must have been tough for her to make. You're going to miss her. That won't just disappear. What I do want you to do is start working on moving forward. All though she's not there right now, there might be a possibility of hooking up down the road or not. Either way you need to begin moving in a direction, instead of being stuck.
First realize the pain, and that it's normal to feel that way when we miss someone special. Realize this was her decision, not yours so relive yourself of the guilt that her decision had to deal with you, when it may just be a belief she had about her self and her ability to handle it.
Since you love her so much, I'm sure you also want her to be happy, and succeed, and become who she longs to become? If so, tell yourself you're letting go of this pain because you love her. Even though she's not with me right now I want her to be happy. I don't want her to feel guilty for this decision, because I don't want to cause her pain. With her success and the direction she is taking I'm going to be happy for her because I love her, and her happiness makes me happy as well.
Sometimes you have to let go a little. She's going in a direction right now that she needs to be in to help her grow as a person. Be happy for her and the direction she has taken. You can still love her, and letting go is one of the biggest things you can do to prove your love to someone. It's not always about us and what we want. It's about the people we love and our desire to see them happy.
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