A
female
age
30-35,
*ojo-jojo
writes:Hi there,I know the topic of my question has been discussed a lot but I still feel the need to ask. I have been with my boyfriend for 1year and a half and everything has been great, I had my own place and he has his. Then, this summer, my lease was up so I moved in with him. One night, after him telling me he was not up for sex and being very disappointed because all day he had been insinuating sex in his text messages. I know it happens but that night (only a 1-2 hours after being rejected) I woke up to him vigorously masturbating to porn. I knew he watched porn, and I had no problem because I assumed he did it when I was not around; either when I was at work, out with friends etc. He told me that no, he did it multiple times when I was right there. I thought I was ok with it still but since then, i have been having this weird feeling in my chest, wondering if he has been masturbating. Then I try to convince myself that it is ok, then he is a man and that he needs it. But recently, his need to be "alone" has increased so much that I feel really rejected. More than once in a week will he say that he does not want sex but then goes to "poop" for 30minutes. Ok, the real problem begins here: I have lost a lot of weight since we started dating ( and I was not super big to begin with) but now, even i find myself too skinny.Now, I was on his iPad reading the news and I wanted to retrieve an article from a couple of days ago, so I went into the history. Omg I found so much porn I could not even find the article I was looking for! Then I realized all the porn was of bigger women and their bigger bums. Then yes I snooped, because i am a girl and yes I felt insecure after what I saw. I realized that he watches that porn every second he has even at work! Plus, I saw he has been paying for a bigger girl's account.( when he has always told me paying for porn he stupid and also that we do not have that much money at 30$/month is a lot of money that we could actually use in order for us not to live from pay check to pay check)I know men watch porn, and I am really trying to be ok with it( better him watching through a computer than doing the physical with a real person)Note 1: when I used the iPad, yes i was allowed to and yes he knows that I might go through the history( I just can't go on his email, and I wouldn't)Note 2: yes i know snooping was bad and I would not have if I had not seen 30 websites only about bbws. It made me question if he gets only turned on by them nowNote 3:yes he should be allowed to have money for himself but I am putting all of my pay checks for us. The only luxury I buy for myself are pineapples so far far far from 30$ that he keeps for himself.I don't know what to feel in the whole situation, I want him to be happy and our relationship. I don't want him to feel like a prisoner that is prevented from pleasuring himself by me. But now I feel like he has crossed a few of my boundaries.
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at work, insecure, money, moved in, porn, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 March 2017):
 Yip he has a problem. You both really need to sort this out before you end up totally insecure.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2017): Hun, you are trying to be an understanding girlfriend, and I see your reasoning- to a point. Yes, sometimes guys will be guys and sneak a look at porn. No woman is happy about that, but it is known to happen. BUT your guy sounds like he is seriously addicted. He is PAYING for a porn site. He would rather watch porn than have sex with you (at least sometimes)! AND he is watching it all the time! Sounds like his colleagues are feeding his addiction with their habits as well. I think this is way too much for you to deal with. He is not going to change, he is an addict. It could take years to improve, and it likely never will improve. I think you need to walk away now. I know it will be difficult as hell but you need to. I don't think his addiction has anything to do with you, your body or your weight-loss. I think you might need counselling to understand it is HIS problem. Because I have a feeling that this is really taking a toll on your self-esteem. A lot of us here have dealt with our boyfriends or hubbies watching porn or ogling women, so we know about the hurt in one way or another :( It is an awful place of doubt to be in. You are going to have to build up your self-esteem before your next relationship. Hopefully next time get your views about no-porn in a relationship out upfront, and hopefully you can find a good man with some respect and values. Yes he may slip or ogle a woman or whatever, because sometimes men DO slip up and you will feel like crap, but it will be NOTHING like dealing with a full-on porn addicted male. Please get out and find someone who isn't this obsessed.
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A
female
reader, Mojo-jojo +, writes (24 February 2017):
Mojo-jojo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for replying
Yes I guess i knew all along he has a problem. I am a hopeless fairytale type of girl and I was hoping other people's inputs might help me see the positive. Though I knew deep down, when I was writing my first post that I have to do something about this relationship. I'll never be happy and I'll never feel respected If i stay with him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 February 2017):
 ...If it ìs allowed as long as you don't get caught,... then it is NOT allowed !
That's a bit like saying, " bank tellers can take a tenner here and there from the safe and pocket it,... as long as they don't get caught ".
I think he DOES have a problem, if he can't wait to watch porn until he is somewhere more private and where porn watching is not against the rules (.. and against common sense ). He may have a lot of time between an assignment and the next, but there's plenty of people in other jobs and in the same predicament who would instead choose to read, listen to music, nap, exercise or whatever . If his first choice of passtime is watching porn, and he can't delay this kind of gratification to a better time, and venue , then he does have a problem. And so do you, as long as you are with him.
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A
female
reader, Mojo-jojo +, writes (24 February 2017):
Mojo-jojo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying. Yeah I guess I should have been more precised about him watching it at work. He doesn't not work at an office or anything. He tows planes at the airport and gets a lot of free time in between tow sessions. Employees can do what they want( sleep, watch movies) as long as they are on time with the planes' schedules. This has never bothered me because his colleagues/ friends are doing just the same and they joke about it when we all get together. They just have to be subtle enough not to get caught by a supervisor. You know like them watching the weirdest porn they can find and joke about it.At first i thought it was sort of hot because of the risk factor and also because I thought it was mostly joke porn with his friends but turns out he watches his fantasies of bbw and I know that he would not watch that with friends. So he probably goes to his car for that( which is also allowed as long as you don't get caught). '
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2017): It sounds as if he is addicted to porn, which appears to be a fairly common problem with the easy availability in the age of the internet. This is so disrespectful and demeaning to you. He tells you he wants you to go away because he wants to have fun by himself. You can hear him moan. I don't see a happy future for you in this relationship. He has you right there, someone who loves and wants him, and does not appreciate or value your presence in his life. Do you really want to spend years with someone like this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2017): If he is watching porn even at work, he has a real problem. He could end up losing his job. Do you really want to be with a man who turns you down and then satisfies himself with porn? That would be hurtful and it is causing you to feel undesirable and insecure.
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A
female
reader, Mojo-jojo +, writes (23 February 2017):
Mojo-jojo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying. I know there should be some respect boundaries. We're both home, we're both horny, you shouldn't have to go watch porn alone. But then, I have read other people say that guys will be guys and needs to be by themselves and watch other ladies to satisfy their variety needs And I don't want to be the girlfriend playing police when he feels like watching porn. I told him it bothered me when I was there and If he wanted to he'd have to be more subtle about it, and he replied that he does not want to have to snoop around to be able to masturbate. He had to do that when he was living at home with his parents but now with his girlfriend he wants to be able to do it freely. It's just knowing what he is doing and imagining what he is watching it makes me very upset. I am there, fully awake and I sometimes can hear his moans. If I interupt for some reason he gets mad and tell me I don't respect his privacy. That he wants time for fun by himself.It's just happening a lot lately. More than the fun he is having with me.Some evenings I take a melatonin pill to force me to sleep so I donne have to imagine who he is jerking off to.
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A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (23 February 2017):
NO PARTNER SHOULD BE WATCHING PORN WHILE THE OTHER IS IN THE HOUSE, UNLESS IT'S TOGETHER OR WITH EXPRESS PERMISSION.
He has a problem. He clearly doesn't think so, but you are so uncomfortable you are on a website.
I know you love him, but do you really want to live with this for the rest of your life?
Do you have children? If not, what happens when they catch him? What if your boys think that's acceptable.
I am all for pleasure, in all ways. But SERIOUSLY!
Think about your future.
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