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female
age
51-59,
*ogirl
writes: My husband left for a 3 day business trip a couple days ago. He was in a hurry to leave and forgot to log off his work email. I sat down at the computer and there it was. My curiosity got the better of me and I peeked. I found that he recently received an email from a woman that he dated briefly (for like 2 months) in the year before we met. He had told me about her, she was alot younger than him, in the context of us talking about the biggest age difference between us and someone we dated. Her email was "do you remember me?" He wrote back that of course he remembers her, she was "unforgettable" but didn't give her the full update (marriage, kids). It was very flirty. He didn't mention this to me though he has mentioned contact from women before. He's had business at the same courthouse where she works recently and I am wondering if they've seen each other. I'm not sure what to do or think. Any advice?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (26 January 2007):
 Good to know that sometimes honesty is the best policy.
Well done hunny!
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A
female
reader, gogirl +, writes (26 January 2007):
gogirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to each of you for your advice. I decided the best approach was a direct one. I just told him that my curiousity got the better of me and looked at his work email. The email to his past girlfriend took me by surprise and hurt my feelings. I told him that if I were her, I would just assume from his email that he was single and interested. He seemed surprised then admitted after a little thought that it hadn't occurred to him what her interpretation would be. He said he just assumed, since it's been so long, that she was just looking for a professional connection since she just recently entered his same profession.
He was sincere and candid and apologetic and I have to trust that he is telling me the truth. I have to admit that I have been passively keeping my eyes open for other signs and that is an unfortunate by-product of my snooping. However, I'd rather be aware than caught unawares.
Thanks again for your comments.
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A
female
reader, DeeDoc  +, writes (6 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Well, I guess that I am from the "old school" of reasoning. I do not feel that you have done anything wrong by viewing what was on his computer. Besides, it was the reason as to WHY he was running late for his business trip right? It is human nature to be curious. Take a looksie. But, you found something you did not sit well with. And unless you talk to him about it, it will bug you 'til the end of time. I loved Eddie's response. Casually mention the fact that he left his business e-mail open before he left, as you walk out the door. Now, the ball is in HIS court. His turn. I believe you will know immediately once he voices his thoughts (or not)concerning this matter, if you have something to worry about or not. You know him better than we do. Good luck and I hope that his past stays as such...in the past.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 You can admit you snooped but at the same time you didn't like what you found. Just because you snooped doesn't make what he did right. Here's an extreme example, if the person nextdoor was beaten and robbed of a particular item and you found it his briefcase, would he be any less guilty if you called the police? Or, would he be not guilty because you looked in the briefcase? Yes you snooped and you saw something questionable.
My wife is very cut and dry about this, although its' with the kids. She says, if you want to hide something because it's wrong don't bring it home. She says if she feels there is something wrong going on, she's snooping. She says it's our job to stay on top of these things. I tend to agree. At the same time,if you find something "sort of" wrong, you might have to let it go. I've got an idea. Sit down with him. Bring up the subject in a light hearted way. Talk about that "sort" of thing. When your done talking, as you're leaving the room, mention this..."by the way honey, you left your email open last week while you were away". You won't have to say any more. Then, he wil feel GUILTY !!!!!! Also, he'll wonder what you know.
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A
female
reader, hemé'oono +, writes (5 January 2007):
 Are you more worried about the fact that you snooped or the fact that he's flirting with another woman? You have to decide to either take your punishment for snooping and not being trusting and confront him or you have to swallow the knowledge and hope that he comes clean all on his own (that would eat me alive). If it were me I would say "Ok honey, I know I shouldn't have but I snooped and found this email. You have every right to be mad at me for snooping, and really, I have no right to be mad at you because I snooped. I don't want to fight about it because I know I was in the wrong, I just want to know if there is anything I should be worried about?" If he clams up you know you have a problem. If he talks openly about it then you have just opened another line of communication for you two.
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