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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm afraid that i am being left behind because i am not ready for a physical relationship with a girl and that by the time i am ready the experience gap between me and everyone else will be too large to cross. i don't think that a girl/woman will be patient with me or faithful while i learn. and that because i will be starting late i will always be a sub standard lover compared to the rest?are my fears justified? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): Take a deep breath and calm down. There are plenty of people your age who dont want to have sexual relationships at the moment wether it be for religious reasons or their own. You cant tar all ladies with the same brush. You are right in saying that some will be impaitent and pushy but those are the wrong people for you. With the right girl sex wont be an issue unless u make it into one. Dont fret over it. If and when the convosation came up and your still not ready all you need to say is that you want to wait. If not being ready comes from anxiety or self conciousness, let me reasure you that nobody is perfect in looks or tecnique. People dont have flawless bodies and a partner who loves you will accept you for who you are .as for tecnique we all have to start somewhere regardless of age, like everything else in life its a learning curve. You'll be okay dont worry about it. X
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): I am the OP thank you all for your advice. I have more confidence in myself and in girls now. I just go for it and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, Butterflykisses13  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 As someone who is 25 and not in a physical relationship, I understand the dilemma fully. I am not ready to pursue an intimate physical relationship. I was rather nervous when I began my relationship with my boyfriend. He is intimately physical and much more experienced. I voiced my concerns to him from the start. Rather than running away, he embraced my beliefs. He is always making sure that I am okay with whatever we choose to do. My, best advice is to be open and honest with your partner. Ultimately, they love you as a person, not your intimacy level.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): An a woman with some experience im not a slut but most men I've been with were inexperienced, ive been with three virgins. We don't mind teaching you what we like. It's kinda fun actually if you like to learn and listen. We like finding out what you like too. It's a silly thing to worry about cause a woman who isn't patient and sweet shouldn't even make it through the bedroom door. Go out there and meet someone and don't worry so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): OP when I met my current girlfriend and all throughout my years of promiscuity I was short, bald and fat. I'm still short and bald. None of those things ever made a difference to dating because I never really gave a damn, I was and am confident.
In my younger days when I wasn't as experienced it never put me off, if the woman I was with had no patience then it's on to the next one. No big deal.
OP insecurities about height make no sense whether you're short or tall, you can't change that.
No offence but trying to change is bullshit too. Want to get toned? then just work out and balance your diet better. You're not going to get any taller/shorter so just accept that.
Normally I would advise getting your shit together before you start dating but it seems to me your issue is some flawed concept of what women like in a guy. I can guarantee you, you already are a guy who women will find physically attractive, maybe not all of them but it's never a numbers game unless you want to become a slut, and even then women are exceptionally easy to get when you've had practice.
I say insecurities be damned just start asking girls out and dating. In my experience women are too damned busy worrying about their own bodies to really give a damn about yours. as long as you're clean, well groomed (although that's not always necessary) and can at least fake confidence for a while then you're all set. You can work on those issues and date OP, maybe you need to see physical proof of how little it matters before you'll start believe it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): @cerberus
I want to build up my confidence before i do anything with a girl. I'm dealing with height and body insecurities right now and i don't want them to be an issue when i try to get a girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): Take a deep breath and calm down. There are plenty of people your age who dont want to have sexual relationships at the moment wether it be for religious reasons or their own. You cant tar all ladies with the same brush. You are right in saying that some will be impaitent and pushy but those are the wrong people for you. With the right girl sex wont be an issue unless u make it into one. Dont fret over it. If and when the convosation came up and your still not ready all you need to say is that you want to wait. If not being ready comes from anxiety or self conciousness, let me reasure you that nobody is perfect in looks or tecnique. People dont have flawless bodies and a partner who loves you will accept you for who you are .as for tecnique we all have to start somewhere regardless of age, like everything else in life its a learning curve. You'll be okay dont worry about it. X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): Why are you not ready for a physical relationship with a girl, just out of curiosity?
Plus OP you do know you can date girls without being physical for a while right? You don't have to jump straight into bed to date OP as long as you let her know you want to get her know her before you're intimate.
"i don't think that a girl/woman will be patient with me or faithful while i learn."
That's not really true OP, sure there are plenty of women who won't waste their time on a guy who is shit in bed, but most of them are patient with guys based on inexperience if they really like the guy. But that diminishes as times goes by OP, they get less and less patient the older you get.
If you're "not ready" simply because of performance anxiety then that will get far worse as you get older, if you feel inadequate now then think how you'll feel at 30.
More and more women have experienced guy as one of their main prerequisites the older you get. So while it won't be a dealbreaker to most at your age now, that switches around as women's biological clock ticks down and they want to settle down and marry.
Your fears are partly justified. The number of women who will be patient will diminish over time, it won't be impossible but it will be tougher.
If the reason you're not ready is performance anxiety then that's a shit reason and you're only going to make that far worse if you don't date solely for that reason.
If I were I'd date. I wouldn't worry about the physical side at all and just date and get to know a girl. There's nothing like dating a really nice girl who is attractive to stir up feelings of not just being ready to be physical but needing to be physical.
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A
male
reader, Krue  +, writes (12 November 2012):
How old are you? I lost my virginity when I was 22, I dated that girl until 3 weeks ago for 2.5years. We had a very good sex life and she said I was the only guy to ever get her off so good (She'd had 4 other guys, but I was the only one she had a relationship with - that may or may not be a factor), but don't stress about it too much. If she sees something in you she will tailor the way you perform sex to fit her needs, and it will all work out. A lot of girls think its a good thing rather than a bad thing. Unless they are sluts. Who you don't really want to be in a relationship with anyway.
:)
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