A
female
age
41-50,
*bslv
writes:I am divorce have an 8 years daughter, after my marriage I stayed single for almost 4 years, then I met my boyfriend online 3 years ago, eventually he moved in with me because I did not want to get married again. The first year was so happy I though he was my soul mate, after the second year we started to have trust issues once a guy that I used to date casually 2 years before I met my boyfriend called me and I had left my cell phone at home - when It rang my boyfriend answered the call it was this guy asking for me, he went so crazy I called him back in front of him and asked him not to call me again. But ever since this happened I had to hear over and over from my boyfriend that I was probably having contact with this other man. Then months later this other man, friend of mine came back from Japan and called me, I talked to him in front of my boyfriend, the conversation was about his job and his family that I happened to know, then my boyfriend got so angry that I hang up and told this man that I was in a relationship and I needed to go.I did not change my number because is the one I use for business contacts, then every time we had an fight he would bring back the same issues that I was talking to people behind his back.A year and a half went by and he started to disrespect me, calling me names and everything and I started to do the same, we both got angry but he got a very short temper. I decided to stop insulting him because I loved him and I did not want to hurt him but he didn’t do the same, he would yell at me and sometimes would slam doors at home. When I met him he said he only had one kid from his marriage, he knew this was important to me, because I wanted to have another kid and I had specify in my online profile wanted a man who only had one kid because I wanted our first baby to be our second one, this was very important to me. So many times I asked him if he had another kid somewhere and his answer was not. Then suddenly one day we were having an argument and he just spilled the beans to me and showed me picture of his 16 years old daughter (he is 38 I am 31) he onto said that she was very close to his mother and that she usually spends time with the family. That was after 14 months of being together I had by then spend time with his family but none of them ever mentioned his daughter, I saw pictures of this girl but I never asked who she was. I was devastated but I accepted her because she was his daughter.He soon forgot about it and again our fights, on and off, I don’t drink or use any substance he does drink and when he does it he gets obnoxious. I still love him I have forgiven him for all the words but he blames me for everything accuses of cheating and I am so tired of being called a w____ I have asked him not to call me names and a few times when he gets drunk I had to call the police then he comes back, because now after he moved in with me he sold his house and lives in mine, he got no place to go and I just don’t want to let him go. I wish he would trust me because I haven't done anything wrong but he imagines that I still sleep with my ex husband or that I had slept with my own cousins I don’t know why he thinks this way when we met I took the relationship slow to get to know him and also waited to have sex with him 5 months after we dated exclusively and he still calls me a w____ and have no trust on me.Recently I was invited to a wedding and he didn’t want to go, at the party they accommodate me with single people my girl-friend took some pictures and I happened to be in one next to a guy she emailed them to me and one night I forgot to shut off my laptop. Now again this photo has become an obsession he sends me text messages with the photo attached every day (like 22 times a day) and I cannot take it anymore I had offered him to bring this man so he can talk to him and find out that I am not cheating, I asked him to move out because this is a roller coaster and my daughter is in the middle of this nothing that I said makes him believe me. I want to stay with him I love him and I know he does too I am thinking to get counseling, Can a person that has problems trusting people change?
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cousin, divorce, drunk, moved in, my ex, soulmate, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Do not let him control you. Every time you give in to his wishes, you justify his behavior. He thinks the fact you put up with his demands is an indication he's actually correct.
A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (29 July 2008):
 I don't think that this guy will change, but if you really really wanted to work it out you could try couples counseling. I think you should leave, but if you want to work things out with him, let him know that he needs to get to the bottom of why he is so insecure. You are not doing anything to make him distrust you. But he has crossed the line in so many ways, why stay with a guy who calls you names and sends you crazy text messages all day long! It's not okay for him to be sneaking around and checking your email and laptop, etc. And you shouldn't have to sever ties with all your male friends for him either.
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