A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, this is really complicated. i'm in love with this lad who i've been good friends with for 2 years, we have talked about seeing each other but he's worried about the age difference, i'm 16 and he's 21, but he still talks to me all the time, even though 2 weeks ago he got a girlfriend, he told a mutual friend that he was only with her cause he couldn't be with me.but last week i started sleeping with another man even though he's got a girlfriend, which i wouldn't normally even think of doing.i don't know what's got into me or what i should do about either of these guys? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi just to update on the situation, i've given up on the first guy completely, i have had months of abuse of his girlfriend of which he always sticks up for me but stays with her afterwards, the feelings i had for him have gone since he started acting like a coward. i also admitted to him about the second guy because not telling him made me feel guilty as i've never kept a secret from him, which is what lead us to talking openly about everything and being friends again.i have been seeing the second guy on and off, although he has no intention of leaving his girlfriend, so i've been trying to keep independent from him. and yes i know its wrong but his girlfriend knows, threatens to kill herself when he trys to leave her, has not tried to stop us seeing each other and right now its what i need.thanks for everyone's help, although things still ain't great they aren't as hopeless as they once seemed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionin all honesty i think the reason he is worried is because of he's moral values, he doesn't want to hurt me.
in that sense i think he's almost to nice, i like to try everything, not think about what ifs
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): It's legal in the UK for some to date or have sex with someone over 16. So why is he worried about the age difference?
Is it because he doesn't want to get in trouble?
Is it because he doesn't think it would work out because you are so much younger than him?
Is it because he's scared of what others would think of him?
Or something else?
It sounds like you're in a confusing situation.
If you don't know what you want then you need to give yourself time to figure out what will make you happiest, what will be the best thing for you. As Peter said you need to make your own happiness.
Just take your time. You've got your whole life ahead of you. You never know, in the future you and the man you love may be together.
Good Luck. x
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A
female
reader, _Princess_ +, writes (29 July 2008):
It sounds to me that you have decided to sleep with the second guy because you cant have the first one!
Are you hoping that maybe if the first guy finds out he will want you more?
Its difficult for someone unfamiliar with the situation to give you advice and at the end of the day you are the only person who knows how you really feel and will know whats best for you.
Have you tried dating somebody more your own age? If the first guy liked you as much as he has said he does then the age gap shouldnt matter, you wouldnt be breaking any laws!
I hope i have helped is some small way!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell in the uk its legal, as i'm over 16, the second guy is 22, an he does make me happy, even though its just no strings sex and im not in love with him.
the problem is i don't know what i want anymore.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 The first guy has plenty to worry about. I don't know the laws in the UK, but a 21 y.o. can get in serious trouble dating a 16 y.o. in the US. I'm not sure what to think of a statement like "he told a mutual friend that he was only with her cause he couldn't be with me" -- it sounds fishy too me.
On the other guy, if he's in your age bracket, then fine... if he's just as old or older than the first one, then he too is playing with dynamite here (again based on US laws).
The best advice is to do what you want to do, but in either case, don't be waiting around for another person, especially if that first person has a current GF. Create your own happiness. If the second guy brings you happiness, then stick with that for a while... if not, then move on. The point is not to be dependent on either one of them.
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