A
female
age
30-35,
*ustSomeoneRandom
writes:I’ve been dating this boy Coletun for a month and things were great. This week we barely talked and Friday, finally I called him. He told me he was mad because all his friends were talking bad about me and saying he should dump me because he won’t get any sex out of me. I told Coletun he shouldn’t care what other people think and should stick up for me, just like I do for him when they bug me. He said he does care and it bothers him a lot. His first solution was to tell everyone we broke up so that they would stop bothering us - which he went and told people at school. Later I told him that I didn’t want to do that because it would be like agreeing with them all and saying that he thinks I’m not good enough. While we were talking, a few times he said, “I’m past the point where I care if you want to dump me or not. It wouldn’t hurt me. I told him that I wanted to stay together and asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted to stay together if that’s what I wanted, but I don’t know if he was telling the truth. Then he said he didn’t know what he wanted. When it came down to it… I told him he had to decide who was more important: me or his friends. He said I couldn’t ask him to choose. He proposed we see how this week goes and decide at the end of the week. Does he really want to stay together? Should I be more important than his friends? He should be sticking up for me, right? And can I even ASK him to choose between us?
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female
reader, JustSomeoneRandom +, writes (8 November 2009):
JustSomeoneRandom is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so much! Well...he called me today and we sort of just talked. Not really about what we were going to do, but he told me he gets mad and I can't change that about him. He's had a hard life: his parents abused him, his family refuse to talk to him even though he's tried and he lives on his great-grandparent's farm and has to work on it all by himself. And he was really sick that entire week. I don't want to make excuses for him though, but I don't want to break up with him right now, either. oh, and ChaoticHeart...thanks, but neither of us are thinking of having sex at all, and he's not pressuring me. He told me he doesn't expect that really early in the relationship and that's why he was so mad about the rumors. He stood up for me before this week, but just was believeing what everyone said about me this past week. And today on the phone he told me that he wants me to confide in him if I'm ever upset or angry and if I ever have any problems.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): Sweetie, you deserve a better guy. You're still young, but sound very mature for your age. Your bf on the other hand does not. He listens to his friends and only does what they tell him to do. He needs to figure out his own feelings and not let his friends influence him. You're absolutely correct in saying that what his friends say shouldn't matter, but he doesn't realize that. Dump the loser and find someone who is truly worthy of your love and affection. Your bf will learn his lesson as he grows (and trust me, he has a lot of growing up to do). You sound like an awesome person and you'll find the right guy for you! Take care!
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (7 November 2009):
 Well, this is a lesson well learned. Definitely ditch this guy. He would rather tell the whole school that you broke up than sticking up for you and saying to the world that you two are together because you like each other - not just because of sex. His friends seem like idiots and so does he if he apparently doesn't care if you break up with him. You can't make a fella choose between you and his buddies, but you can expect him to stick up for you and not tell everyone that you're broken up when you're actually not.
Break up with him. And I'll bet he'll be hurt (despite what he says). I hope you've learned exactly how a guy SHOULDN'T treat you, and the next guy you date is a true gentleman.
Good luck, sweetness!
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female
reader, ChaoticHeart +, writes (7 November 2009):
Stick to your guns. Do not give in. You are too young for that and if he really loved you he would wait instead of threatening to leave you. And i fear gosh forbid you give in, he will get what he wants then you will be left feeling even more hurt and betrayed. Alot of guys do that, once they get what they want, like a prize, or the challenge is gone, they go. Guard your heart sweetheart!The best man i had in my life I got because I waited and im older than you so i wouldnt even consider it at your age. He loved that i didnt give in like all the other girls, and he was a prize, i just eventually was not smart enough to realize how good he was, tad bit controlling. :) anywhoo good luck, be strong, you will regret it if you give in, yuck when i think of my first time, ugh, it was terrible, so not worth your pride and just the fact that he is threatening to break up with you....what a jerk. He might have someone else lined up and im afraid your heart will be broken. Find a nice guy with the good values you have. hug.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): he just isnt into you. Stop wasting your time with that zero.A real bf wouldnt let people talk about you like that. I wouldntget a real bf and then you will see the difference and wonder why you talked to him in the first place.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 November 2009):
You can't make him choose between you and his friends, but he should be sticking up for you and his response to this has really been pathetic and immature. He listend to friends who said cruel things about you, and didn't protect you at all, even pretending you'd broken up. And then he had the nerve to say he didn't care if you dumped him. You deserve so much better than a guy who treats you as poorly as this. He in't worth one more second of your time, so dump him and move on. Never allow yourself to be treated this way by a guy.
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