A
male
age
51-59,
*KW
writes:My wife and I recently went through a "rough" patch in our marriage, she basically was on the verge of leaving me because of my depression and generally feeling sorry for myself. That's all sorted out now, I'm walking on air and we are better than ever before.Around the time all this was going on, we met a single girl who was a friend of some relations of ours. We hit it off straight away, we seem to be very similar people.Well, we seem to have got very close and cosy, and whenever we are all together drinking wine or whatever, there's a tension in the air. My wife and I both find this girl very attractive, and we have talked about what it would be like to have a threesome. The girl has made it known that she finds us both sexually attractive, but has labelled me as "off limits" beacasue of our marriage. However, she has said again that she wants sex with my wife.When I went out with this girl recently while my wife stayed at home, she really "went for me", dancing suggestively with me, even rubbing my crotch. However, she was rather drunk, but maybe - "In vino veritas"?I've been alone with her since, and nothing more was mentioned, although last weekend we saw her in anightclub, she said again how she would like sex with my wife, and me, but couldn't sleep with me as well as it would "ruin everything".This girl is a very good, dependable friend who we trust with our children and we care a lot about?Should we just leave things as they are and enjoy the game, or talk it all out together, or stay away from her, or what?Thanks if anyone can help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): You say: "she's slept with friends' partners in the past and had guilt about it."
I think you should look at these situations as an indicator of what may be in store for you three. Maybe the circumstances are the same or maybe they're all different, but it's the best indicator you've got.
And think hard about you and your wife's jealousy & satisfactions with each other, and how you each react to the other one being attracted to others. You two can tell better than anyone else whether you're both the types that will handle this well and know when to say when.
Think hard and err on the side of doing less. Sometimes just entertaining the thought of doing this thing can be as stimulating as following through on it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Optiona A) Should we have a threesome to get it out of our systems
Option B) Have a serious talk about it all together
Option C) Break off the friendship and ditch her
Option D) Just leave it as it is and enjoy the game?
I like option B, in your situation I think you might be able to do the communication thing with all parties to find out what is going on.
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A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (9 August 2008):
DKW is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTellulah - I like your style, say what you see!
All I asked was - should we have a threesome to get it out of our systems, have a serious talk about it all together, break off the friendship and ditch her, or just leave it as it is and enjoy the game?
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Mmm!! Its a massive problem who to shag, and who not to. I cant understand the men that want to watch thier wife have sex with anyone else (man or woman). It must be a man thing, because the thought of watching my B/F have sex with another man! Well, I cant even begin to say what a put off that would be. If this is the biggest problem you ever have in your life, then your a lucky man.
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A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (8 August 2008):
DKW is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had to keep the question brief, but it's a lot more complicated than I have space to go into.
She's not a babysitter, I just said we trust her with our kid. My wife was out of the country recently because of a family disaster, this girl was the best friend to me, more than any of my male mates! She has said to my wife that she built up feelings for me during this period, but it's nothing to worry about. We are all very open about sex and relationships, nothing is taboo to talk about. My wife and I have been like this for 16 years, nothings gone wrong yet! We were on the verge of seperation because I let myself go physically, worked too much, etc. Nothing to do with outside temptations!
This girl is not gay or bi, she has A LOT of heterosexual sex, usually with the same circle of men on rotation. However, she has admitted to sleeping with her friend's partners in the past, and has guilt issues about it. Maybe she sees what my wife and I have together, and wishes it was her?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Don't blur the role of a friend / babysitter with this kind of stuff. Its a bit distasteful as you are combining a responsibility for your kids on one hand and on the other removing all boundaries of your marriage.
Find someone else either for looking after your kids or the sex side of it. Have you considered what will happen when (not if) it goes wrong?
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A
female
reader, Sophie-Lou-X +, writes (7 August 2008):
 I think all three of you need to talk the situation out together. I would highly suggest not going through with it, as it is obvious that she has a lot more interest in your wife, and maybe she feels that the only way she can get your wife into bed, is if you're there too. You don't want to risk ruining a friendship, and certainly not a marriage! Ask yourself, what's more important, Love/Friendship or sex? It's all about having self control. Make sure you keep the situation under your thumb, otherwise you could be faced with problems later on.
Sophie xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): My guess is that this other girl is more of a lesbian than a bisexual, and the married = off limits gag is a load of baloney, as Tellulah has eloquently pointed out!
As much as you fancy the idea of a threesome, I think this girl doesn't, she knows what you'd like to do with her but all she's interested in is your wife. Meanwhile she could be winding you up a treat, perhaps to see if she's got it in her to seduce men still.
I could be wrong on that though.
Threesomes rarely work out anyway, you only have to look at some of the problems threesomes throw up on this site. Use the search box and look for a few of them.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (7 August 2008):
 If you ask me she is over-stepping the boundaries. She is supposed to be a friend and a babysitter, ie a friend of the family.
I cannot see any outcome other than heartache between you and your wife, and bad atmospheres.
Why risk ruining a marriage, and ruining a friendship.
Fiona
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Well if she's a good friend, good baby sitter, etc and you want to keep those things in place, then I would stop messing around with fire. But if you can get reliable baby sitters easy and you have plenty of friends, then go ahead, none of you are babies, but just be prepared for the fall out. Its not very often these things work out ..... for very long. Put the energy into your marriage instead, it will save a lot of heartache.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (7 August 2008):
She wont have sex with you, because you are married!! eh!!Isn't your wife married as well then.
Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, as they say
"Itll end in tears"
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Hang on there sweetie!!!! If you and your wife are only just getting over a rough patch in your marriage, introducing another person into the 'marriage bed' is going to cause problems.... I suggest that you rather discuss this rationally with your wife and keep the 3-some as a fantasy and work towards making your sex life exciting and varied [without another person]... I have seen even what appeared the most stable of marriages break down after a 3-some.... I understand it is exciting and 'forbidden' but really not worth taking the chance.
Honeygirl
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