A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i feel so dirty! i always wanted to save my virignity for marrage, and even if i didnt wait until marrage i wanted to wait until i had settled down with the right guy and i knew i was fully comfortable! well, even though i am in quite a good relationship with an amazin guy of 7 months i still didnt feel i was ready until friday 18th july i went to a party, everyone was drunk, been sick everywhere, takin drugs n everything and i didnt feel comfortable in that environment so i decided to go home at around 10:30, i explained to sophie the girl whos party it was that i wasnt feelin to good and i was goin to go home, "oh you party pooper" i got, but i told her, im really sorry but im ot feelin good. she was okay with it and told me to go home and get settled down. i so wish i had stayed longer! it wasnt too dark, it was only a 10 minute walk down the road to my house! but he grabbed me, from behind. i dont know who he was! some man with a big bag. i didnt see him and i had no idea who he was but he pulled me behind the bushes and started to take my trousers off. [[Moderator Note: Deleted some of the question due to details - Basically an unknown man raped her]]I went for a walk, i was cryin and shivvering, i was so cold and scared i just walked around in circles for about an hour trying to work things out in my head, thinkin things over again and again, why had he just dont this to me? i didnt have the gutts to go home incase my parents saw me in a state. i stayed out until about 3 o clock. i went back home, knowin it was so late and my parents would of been in bed and i ran straight upstairs and got in the shower. threw everything away that i had worn that night. scrubbed my self so much to a point my skin was bright red! used so much shower gel it was untrue, i layed on my bed in my towel and cried myself to sleep. my boyfriend came to my house on the saturday mornin at about 11 o clock and i was still layed in my towel asleep, he came in and kissed me on the forehead which woke me up. i looked at him and smiled! "you okay baby?" i looked at him and burst out crying "connor i really do love you and im so sorry for everything" he asked me what on earth i was talkin about and why i was sorry, i sat up and he hugged me, like there was no tomorrow he just held me. i felt so safe i could spill my whole heart out to him. and i did! i told him everything ive just said in this post. he looked at me, and looked at me, and looked at me, "say something" i said, he sat silent doin nothing "please?" i said, he still said absolutly nothing. i looked into his eyes, and he just said "i love you" he kissed me on the forehead and told me everything was going to be alright, "dont tell anyone" i told him, he told me he wasnt gonna tell anyone anything if i didnt want him to, he told me everything would be okay. made me feel so safe it was untrue! he didnt have to tell me that he was gonna track the guy down and kick ten bells out of him! he was understanding, well maybe he didnt understand but he was comforting, reassuring and he couldnt stop tellin me how sorry he was for not going to the party with me. since that day hes told me every single day that he loves me, every single say he has told me "everything will be okay baby, i promise" "youve got me forever you know" hes so reassuring" tells me everything will be okay, but will it? i cant sto thinkin about what happened to me, and to make matters even worse! i was due on on the 25th july. and no sign of a period! could all this mess with my body and make my period late (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pretty please say it can!) i know it cant, i know hes probably f***** my life up for me and got me pregnant, i just dont want to take a test, i dont want to find out that i am. i just wish at this moment in time that i wasnt alive, i was with connor all day today and its so amazin how we can sit in my bed for hours and he wont even think about touching me in that way, because he knows im not ready! my own boyfriend has been able to do this for 7 months, why does some randomer have to be so cruel! i cant stop going over in my head what happened andy why he did it, every so often i see a figure grabbing hold of me, and i just cry! my boyfriend is the only person ive told and i really cant face tellin anyone else! i feel so slutty, so cheap and i just feel like ive lost respect in myself! i cant wash myself enough, i feel dirty all the time, i wash myself none stop, shower 3/4 times a day, all connor can do is tell me everything will be okay, but will it be?! WILL IT!!!? im sorry for writin this i just neeedeeddd to tell someone, i neeeded someone to listen to the story properly, i cant trust anyone, theyll just think im a slapper and judge me, i dont want judging. so i thought strangers wouldnt know me and wouldnt be able to judge me! thankyou in advance for readin my 'question' more of an essay! but thanks anyway, any comments will be much apprieciated, im so messed up! ox
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (14 October 2008):
 Wow!!!! Justice was done!!! You got the whole kitkaboodle there kid - I'm so pleased for you. It must be so good knowing he got what he deserved and that you and the other girl have saved so many other young girls from this treatment by being so brave. Well done you!!!! You have grown so much from this experience. What a good girl you are. I'm proud of you hun. Get on and enjoy your life now, knowing that that sick individual is where he belongs. Who knows, he may even get the help he needs too. That would be a real miracle. Lotsaluv Hun xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey! tonight, ive wrote another question on this site so you may have already gathered but this guy has been locked up! he raped another girl on the same night, who luckily enough reported it straight away, she unfortunately had to go to court, but once my mum got in touch with the police, i had to be interviwed, questioned, i had to identify him, but i didnt have to go to court! hes locked away :D the dirty pervert! the poor girl was in a right mess, im glad he got what ws coming to him!! thankyouuu guysssss :D xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): You are totally correct Angel, some people come into your life for a season, a mere moment in time, some people come into your life for a reason, and often we don't know why...
Look how much love is surrounding, left, right and centre, all around you and everywhere you go. You have so much people caring about you and wanting you to have happiness in life. That thing hurt and scared you, it did that to everyone. But look what has happened, you have come through stronger than before. Your family have become closer, you and your boyfriend are a strong unit that noone can ever split... What happened, was a little pain, discomfort, fear, terror.. all the bad words, all the bad things which have never been in your life. Look where you are now, your so precious to everyone.. Maybe this happened to show how loved and important you are.. Blessings...
PS: There are many women who are reading this, who have been hurt just like you. Hopefully this can give them courage to tell someone. But I think already you have helped one little girl, who has been scared and frightened like you.. Take care of you Angel and take care of your family. You had a nightmere, but now it's day, enjoy your life and live it well. :^)
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (6 September 2008):
You go girl !!!! Luvya too xxxx
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A
female
reader, nellynelly1305 +, writes (5 September 2008):
 Sweetheart, I'm so sorry that it happened to you. but you are very strong and it's good that you've let yourself to open up here, it should make you feel better (for what its worth), because it's a very hard thing to keep all in. I beleive in Karma, so the man that did it to you will not get away, and i wish all the worst to him and all the best to you and your boyfriend. Send me a private message but for now all i can say is that Time is a healer. XXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou everyone! once again. you really have no idea how much this avice actually means to me! so much support, all these people tellin me how great my family and boyfriend are, i truley dont deserve them as fantastic as they are! i am so lucky! im not ever ever ever ever plannin on lettin my connor go, even he STILL after all this, hasnt tried to push me into sex or anything i adore him! im totally in love, thankyou all again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D i luv ya allllllllllllllllllllllll xxxx
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (3 September 2008):
 I don't believe in too much fate and everything happens for a reason or bad things happen for a reason however...
I am so glad you had the best possible outcome; no pregnancy, no diseases. You never know what happens in the future for the man, because if he is ever in trouble again, no doubt it will be brought up that he had a complaint made against him before.
It's a test of relationships with your guy and your family when you go through a crisis - wow you all came through that and not at each-others throats! You have a great family and boyfriend, you stick with him.
Fiona.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (31 August 2008):
Oh darling!!! I'm so happy for you. What a mature girl you are to have grown so much from this experience too. I'm so happy things turned out the way they did. You'll be able to help others now when they have this kind of problem, and I know you will. Thank God the results are all clear. That must be a great relief to you all. And look how these things make people pull together and bring out the love - makes me fill up its so wonderful. Good luck to you darling, and hope you and Conor continue to be such good soulmates and have a long and happy life together. Thanks for letting us know. Lots of love and blessings xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): Awww thats fantastic news, glad your happy.
At least now you can move on with your life =]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, just thought id update you all! you are the main people who gave me the courage to tell my mum, i got my results back for my tests, i didnt catch any infections, STI's or anything like that from him, i had clamidia tests and eveything done, they made me go through a smere but everythings fine and im not pregnant. connor has been the best, hes been my rock! this had made up so much closer its unbelivable! my mum and i have the best relationship since, well ever! were closer than ever, my dad and my mum have become a lot closer too, we did report him, although there was no evidence, we still warned the police and they did some checks on the area and stuff but found nothing, although he probably wont get caught i feel a lot better knowing that its all out in the open. to be honest i think this was a bad thing that happened for a good reason! :) thank you all again, :) xxx
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A
male
reader, Saurabh  +, writes (11 August 2008):
You are still a virgin my dear!!!!
Virgin in it's original eternal meaning means pure
pure in regard to purity of love
it has no absolute meaning in regard to being sexually untouched or open
it only has to do with being pure in loving, giving love.
And don't ever feel that you are dirty. You are as pure as you were.
That foolish beast is the one who has become dirty with his deeds.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (11 August 2008):
Aaaaah wel done you. I'm so happy now. You didn't deserve to punish yourself further by being isolated with this. Now you have the right people giving you the right love and support, and thats what you do deserve. I know thats not the end of it, but it will be a huge part in your recovery from all this. To have love and support is everything. Nothing else really exists when we get down to it - but thats me getting deep now. Anyway, well done hun. Sending you lots of love n hugzzzz. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): You done good babes, your family can give you all the love and support you need. You've been to the doctors and done the health check. Now just need to contact the rape people if you have any fears and still feel bad... Police is still an option, that animal is still on the loose and he may hurt somebody else. Your parents and connor can deal with this, but it's alright if you don't want the police to know. See it's not hard, you can tell people your secrets and they will still love you and try to help out. Just a blip honey, just one nightmare that was brought into daylight. But the love that surrounds you will keep you safe and help you to forget all the pain..You done good, you've been brave, and your family will keep you safe....We're here, if you feel down, we're here to listen, but your family are the one's you need to turn to now... They want to help, so never shut them out... Take care of you, blessings....
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): I really, really, really am proud of you for telling your mum. I can't imagine telling my parents anything personal and its fantastic that you have done.
No one should be blaming themseleves. Connor has been from what I can say a knight in shining armour, your mum couldn't do anything about it. You, I mean c'mon what have you done. You've been really, really brave and you should be proud of yourself.
Its gonna get tough, and things won't just ease off but you are taking huge strides forward into the road to recovery,,
Well done,,
Chris,,
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou where all so right! thankyou again so very very much. i told my mum, well, i didnt personally tell her, i did, but i didnt, sure enough she came into my bedroom on thursday night and said night, i said "mum" to her, asif i needed to tell her something, which i did.. and she sat on my bed next to me and said "what you done?" (how nice, lol) i said to her, "mum i need to talk to you n i wanna tell you myself so you dont hear it from someone else when it gets spreaded" so she was like "right im worried now, you havnt been yourself for over a week, whats goin on?" so i told her, remember the friday of sophies party? i told her what had happened and she just burst out crying we were both sat with our arms round each other crying, she didnt say a word to me, i got really upset, i said "mum?" it was just like connors reaction all over again, i said to her "have i done something wrong?" and she was like no, its not you. i love you so much, your my only child and i cant belive i let something like this happen to you, she was blamin herself, but then i told her that i blamed myself, connor blamed hisself, and no one was to blame really.. apart from him! she asked me if i was ok? she was like stupid question but did he hurt you? why didnt you tell me? so she was kind of mad but like you said, she was mad with him and not me. dad knows now too and he was better with it than we thought.. mum took me to the doctor straight away on friday but i didnt speak to my doctor, i asked to speak to a female, so we talked to her for a while and i explained everything to her, she listened and it was as if she knew exactly what id gone through, theyve done some texts sti's and things, just waitin for some results, took blood tests and everything, and she said she couldnt see anything obvious when she checked me, but its too early for a pregnancy test, although ive missed a period she said she advices i take a home test for now, im back at the docs on thursday. everything seems fine, apart from bruising all up my back!
just thought id let you all know i told my mum! (: everything seems to be a lot lot better now its all out in the open! like a whole weight has been lifted. thankyou again (: xx
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (10 August 2008):
Aaah darling, so pleased you are moving forward. Your reply is so much more positive and I know you'll be ok. What a great mum. You know she'll be in for that night time hug - she'll do anything for you, she'll be there 24/7, and she'll deal with your dad, who will only be angry in concern FOR you, not AT you. As for Conor, rock on kid, what a great boy you have there. I'd say once you get rid of this shit you're carrying at the moment, you're in for a very nice life in front of you, full of lots of family love and happiness. Don't let this spoil it for you. Its just a small corner of the great big picture you paint of yourself, and its not even you. You're doing great kid. Well done you. Lots of love n hugzzzzzzz.
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A
female
reader, xx-hey-xx +, writes (8 August 2008):
hey
i hope everything works out ok for you!!!
none of this is your fault darl, and dont even think of blaming yourself!!!
your boyfriend is being so supportive with you and just talk to your mum as she sounds like she really cares babe!!
the time will soon feel right will your bf and enjoy it with the fact you love him in your head :)
GOOD LUCK
lots of love
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): Babes, go and tell your mum, she loves you very much, and it would hurt to know that you went through this alone. Your her baby, she'll be angry somebody hurt you, but she'll wrap you in her arms and give you all her love... Don't worry about your dad either, as you say he'll get angry, but your mum will calm him down. You got tons of support, so many people that care about you. What has this man got, he's got nothing. He couldn't touch you where it matters, he wont break you down, all he can cause is pain, but you attract love....
The police is always an option, but remember this is your choice. You choose to tell connor, you choose to tell us, but it wasn't that bad, and your already healing already and getting through this fine. Good luck, go talk to your mum...
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (7 August 2008):
I was quite touched by what your boyfriend said! He is so sweet! Good luck with things and any chat with Mum you feel able to do, and hope you find the right time (if you can feel able that is). Fiona
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Well it is easier said than done...
If you can tell your mum then that would be fantastic, it would be a huge step forward and would be a giant lead on the raod to recovery. At least then Conor and your mum can both support you when you get further help and advice.
Just hang in there, you're being fantastic even talking to us. You're taking big steps forward. We're all here to support and help you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u all so much for the great advice, numbers and websites its all apprieciated very much. i wrote this question and while i was writing it i just started to cry. kinda feelin sorry for myself which i know i shouldnt.. i showed connor my post about an hour ago, hes just left and he said your advice is all great, he has actually took one of the numbers and he said he will ring them for me first thing in the mornin, i cant face phoning them myself, it was hard enough tellin my boyfriend the story once over, couldnt do it again. Fiona mensioned about telling my mum and how she would of noticed, which is pretty true because shes been askin me now for over a week whats up? you dont seem yourself? apparently everyones said that ive calmed down this past few days and i 'dont seem myself' im gonna tell my mum alone tonight, when she comes into my room at about midnight before she goes off to bed to check on me and give me a hug, im gonna give her the biggest hug ever so that she will ask me if everythings alright and i can tell her everything, might not be the best way, but seems like the only way.. then my mum hopefully will tell my dad and with any luck he wont start screaming and carrying on, loosing his temper and tryin to find him.. then we can go from there! dr pete mensioned about how connor was feeling. this has been worrying me a bit, he said to me yesterday (it wass yesterday i was with him all day, not today like the post said, i just wrote it last night) "we will make your first time a time to remember babe, he might have been a cruel man havng sex with you, but ill be your partener making love to you" all hes talked about since i told him is how special i am and how much hes there for me.. hes so amazin! hes so special to me too and i love him with all my heart, i couldnt possibly love him anymore and maybe when its all out in the open it will make it easier for both of us? am i right? were not with each other tonight and i know i get to see him first thing tomorrow but i miss him like crazy! knowing how much you have all listened (well read) and talked to me and options and not got angry and judged has king of made me realise that my family and friends that love me and arent strangers will maybe react in the same kind of way, and be there for me and also connor.
your advice has been very very helpful! thankyou all so much, for giving me the courage to tell someone, it seems so easy when its from someone else, ox
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): I hate that this still happens in the modern world. It's so wrong it makes it hard to even think straight.
I want to talk about something that sounds important to you: I don't think this counts as losing your virginity.
Maybe it counts in the minds of some hymen-obsessed types, but not to a thinking rational person who is focused on the morality & experience choices involved in virginity. I don't believe in any kind of "born again" secondary virginity myself, but I firmly believe that a forceful rape does not count whatsoever.
Morally, you didn't choose to have sex. Physically, you could have just as easily broken your hymen a dozen other ways by accident. Emotionally, you got nothing but severe trauma out of it. That doesn't add up to sex to me. Zero percent.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Hey, I can only add to the other excellent advice that I went out with someone who was raped in a very horrific and prolonged episode. My ex-girlfriend like you was full of mixed feelings, of feeling dirty, used, cheap and the main thing, deep down, was she felt it was her fault and, on some level she felt she deserved what happened to her. She was also raped on the day she found out she was pregnant (when she was 16) so she had to deal with the guilt of that too.
I can say honestly though, that despite what happened to her, she did get through it, and she did become a much stronger woman because of it.
You won't suddenly wake up one day and everything will be alright, but I can promise you that you will reach a point where it will get easier. One day you will be able to feel like you can put it behind you. You'll be able to go months, many months, without even thinking about what happened.
Everything you write about the way you feel is entirely normal, you are not going crazy, and any way you want to respond to any of it is right for you. Do what you feel is best and right for your situation.
Also, as I am being completely honest with you, I will also mention this. As the boyfriend who loved the girl who it happened to, I was massively affected by what she went through and I had to come to terms with what had happened to her too. Your boyfriend *needs* to have support from someone other than you. He needs to have someone independent who he can talk to about what happened to deal with it. I know you are going through a hard time, but you need to look out for him and just see how it is affecting his life and check that he is coping OK.
Right now though it seems your main priority to get a pregnancy test, and if you come back positive, consider the abortion pill. You only have a small period of time in which you can take this, and it is far easier than considering the other pregnancy options. But you are right - stress can delay a period for many weeks, but that is no reason to not still get tested.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Hi Angel,
Damn, I'm so angry and hurting for you right now. This sick man has hurt you, he forced you to do things, he took away something that was very special to you and for this I hate him, I hate him so much. He had no right to hurt you. I'm so sorry, so sorry for what he done. I don't know how you feel, I can only imagine and that is bad enough. The moderator cut your post. The hid the details from us. They wanted to give you privacy, and I'll tell you babes, everybody reading this wants you to get over this. We want you to have happiness, we want you to feel clean again, we want you to have sweet dreams at night, we want you to have the very best.
This man hurt you, but he's hurt all of us by what he did. He hurt you, he forced himself on you. Your Connor sounds like a diamond, this man has hurt Connor too. I'll tell you what Connor is thinking, he's thinking the same thing that everybody else is thinking. Why would somebody want to hurt you, how can we find him and destroy him for causing you pain. How can we help, what will make you smile again. I would love to give you a big hug and tell you everything will be alright, but your too far away, I don't know who you are. But are hearts and minds are with you, Connor gets to hold you, but we are with you too.
I need you to do something, I need you to do this for yourself, I need you to do this for Connor. You don't have to tell anybody else, but I need you to talk to these people who can help. That's all you have to do honey, just talk to some people who will help. We need to know that you are safe. We need you to be very brave and talk to the experts and professionals who can help. You need to look after your body, you need to look after your mind. If you don't want to go to the police you don't have to. Let somebody else go and save the world. This is about you Angel, this is about your safety and your well being here. But I wish you would tell somebody whose been through this, they can help, they will keep your secrets, they will understand. They won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. They will hold your hand, they will examine your body and make sure that your not hurt.
Call the people at the rape crisis service. Many of the women there have been hurt just like you. They know how it feels, they tried to wash the dirt of too. Your not dirty, he is. You can't let him win, you can't let him ruin your life, you have yourself to think about, you have Connor to protect you now and hold you tight.
Waz has already given you the link, but here it is again... http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
They know what to do, they've been hurt too, they will keep your secrets, they will help you to feel clean again. Please call them, they understand, they will help, they know exactly how you feel.
You can hide away tomorrow, you can stay in bed all day, you can hold Connor tomorrow, but I need you to call these people today...
Call the NHS, http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/index.aspx
0845 4647, they will help you, they will understand, but they need to examine you, they need to know that your body is alright. They can arrange people to help you, nobody needs to know, they can keep your secrets if you don't want to tell...
Please Angel, be brave. I know you want it to go away, but we need to know your safe. Connor can go to the doctors with you, he will hold your hand. Connor can telephone these people for you, he can arrange everything. He's scared and frightened too, he wants to help, let him help you. Let him make sure that everything is sorted out.
You've been very brave, you told us your story and we feel angry and sad too. We want you to be safe, so give the rape people and the NHS a call. Your not the only one, there are many ladies on this board who have been hurt just like you. They got well, it dosen't hurt them so much anymore, they found happiness again. They had boyfriends just like you, they learnt to smile, and so can you... Don't worry, everything will be just fine. You only have to do this little thing, please give these people a call... Big hugs honey, from one stranger to another. I'm sorry he hurt you, he's deserves to be dead.... I'm thinking of you today, and my heart is breaking too... Blessings
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (7 August 2008):
Firstly I am really sorry to hear of your tough time.
Do what everybody else said and get the medical help, and get some counselling to help you through. Get counselling with a lady who specialises in this kind of thing. That way you will not feel judged because she would have heard similar stuff before.
At least you have your great boyfriend who sounds really nice and supportive; he will help you by the sounds of it. It sounds like it will be a testing time for your relationship, so stick together like a team.
Do I assume it's out of the question to tell your Mum? I know you said you cannot tell anybody, but basically she will notice something is wrong. Mothers know when something has happened.
You must tell the police, and give whatever description you can, no matter how vague.
Fiona
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (7 August 2008):
Oh my dear sweet child. How I so want to give you a hug. This is so bad for you. You really do need help - and fast. Its great you told your boyfriend, but you really must get help darling. Go to your Doctor immediately and tell him your concerns. It is possible that the fear and trauma have stopped your period coming, but it is also possible you are pregnant. You have to sort that out first because it will give you such a huge relief to get that one out of the way. You know that after that you need to tell the police so that this cannot happen to someone else, but as you have no evidence now, the doctor and looking after you has to be your first priority. PLEASE, stop thinking you are dirty and a slut. You are no such thing. He is those things and far worse. You were just the victim of a very unfortunate incident. He is the sad, sick bastard that needs imprisoning so he can't inflict this on any more women. I know its very traumatic for you, but taking action to help yourself and free yourself from this very negative place of pain you're in is really the way forward. No one is going to think badly of you. Please believe that and do what you need to do. God Bless you honey.
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A
male
reader, hirmon  +, writes (7 August 2008):
don't feal durty!you are 100%clear.go to hospital,and tell them your problem.every thing is gone be alright.i wish long fun in rest of your life.hope is just...
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Honey,
First of all you must go to a doctor, or family planning and get yourself tested. If you dont want to tell the police then thats up to you, but remember this guy will not stop, and he may do it to someone else. He needs locking up, if they can find him. If you look on the internet you will find councillors that can help you come to terms with what has happened to you.
Your boyfriend sounds amazing, and you are a lucky girl to have someone so caring.
Nobody will judge you darling, its not your fault that there are monsters out there, that will prey on a girl on her own. But its up to us to report these things, and get them locked up. Even if you want to stay anonymous, which I'm sure you could, it would help the police to keep an eye out in that area.
You will get over it honey, but you do need to get checked out. That will be the first step, of trying to get back to normal. Once you know that you are Physically OK, then you will start to feel better. Take every day as it comes babe, and come on here as often as you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): Due to the amount of time taken since the rape, all evidence that the police would need and want has gone. However arresting him isn't the most important thing here, its you. Your boyfriend Conor has been fantastic support by the sounds of it, and you'll need him to support you when I suggest that you go to the hospital, go to a consuellor and a doctor to seek help over this.
Your not the only one going through this - there are hundreds of women going through exactly what your going through. This makes it possible to get through, even if it doesn't seem like that now.
There are some websites that I think DiovanLestat will be able to provide you - she has tons of websites in her head - and if she doesn't answer this question I'll try and get them off of her.
Your very, very young to be going through this. Try not to prolong the pain and depression by seeking consuelling. It really will help you and your boyfriend has been fantastic. You might not be pregnant but there is also the option of abortion if you feel comfortable doing that.
No one on this website judges people. No one judges people that have been raped either. Its not like everyone understands how you feel but they certainly know its an unpleasant experience.
I know how it feels not wanting to be alive. It is very painful but if you keep on going, just hanging in there time takes away the pain. I know it really won't seem like that now but there is hope in the distance. You won't feel like this this time next year, and you won't feel like this this time next month if you seek consuelling. Consuelling won't make you instantly feel better but it should give you the urge to want and live again.
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reader, Sophie-Lou-X +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Firstly, I am so, so sorry. No one should have to go through what you've been through.
But let me make one thing clear. You are NOT a slut and you are NOT dirty! You had no control over what happened, and it is in no way your fault. No one will judge you, I can assure you, i'm not saying you were, but even if you were walking home in a really short skirt and a skimpy top, NOBODY has the right to do that to ANYONE. Nobody deserves it.
In answer to your question about your missed period, I can assure you it is possible to miss it without being pregnant. The stress of the whole situation can be a reason. Trust me, i've been in a situation where i've had unprotected sex and I missed my period for 4 months, and there was nothing wrong with me.
I really do urge you to take a test, I know it's hard, but you'll have the support of your boyfriend, and whoever else you choose to tell. Whatever the outcome, you'll get through it, I promise.
I think all you can do is think positively at the moment. Take a test-it'll put your mind at rest. But as for the situation destroying your life, I don't think there's much I can say as it will certainly not be an easy thing to put to the back of your mind.
Keep me posted please hun x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): first off take a test. what this man did to you in terrible but you need to tell someone before he can get his hands on some other girl. im so sry that happened to you, and it sounds to me like you've got a great boyfriend and this man NEEDS to get off the streets. i dont think that it messed with you period, i think your preg. and you might need to get tested for STD's, this man has really hurt you and needs to pay the price, but you couldnt of stopped him so try to stop thinking about it, even if you stayed at the party later. he's messed up for doing this to you,
so take a test, and TELL someone even though i know it WILL be hard and im so sry that happened!
xoxo
keep me posted
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