A
female
age
36-40,
*rs.Lizzie
writes:My husband acts like Mr. Perfect Christian, but he would rather masterbate to porn than have sex with me. He does it all the time and I am sick of it. I have low self-esteem, this makes it worse, should I take my daughter and leave?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): I have been with my husband 18 yrs, married 12. We had a great erotic sex life that we both enjoyed. I gave him ANYTHING he wanted, we enjoyed toys, & porn together. Over the last 6 yrs he's NOTICIBLY lost interest in me. 1st I found the mags. Pissed me off he has a very willing partner & no kids to get in the way. That was yrs ago. Now I find it's also internet porn & shit his buddies send him to his phone.
He actually told me he had to use porn to have sex with me!! I am devastated, hurt, pissed, betryed, you name it.
I always thought I could count on him & that he truly loved me, I find I can't trust my judgement anymore.
We have NO children b/c of basically him screwing off & not being a provider when he needed to be. He lost an appointed quality position @ Ford for downloading porn @ work,
@ the time. I believed he was set up, I know
better now. I now know part of what he's been blowing $$ on instead of paying bills. I had a stroke @ age 35 b/c of all the stress & I didn't even know all of it. I am in my sexual prime & horny a lot. He refuses to acknowledge that I have a right to feel betryed, etc because it has affected our sex life. He is not the man I married. I never wouldve expected him to be so hurtful. I tried to tell him it's like a wife telling her husband, "You have the tiniest penis & you suck in bed! I've faked every orgasm just to get you to go away." It still never sunk in. I NEVER thought I'd cheat but I'd would love to be with a man who WANTS TO BE WITH ME..
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): i just posted but i also wanted to ad that i am overweight and have been my whole life, so nothing new there. i know my husband looks at mostly a certain type of woman. basically, if i was thin, i'd be her. red hair, light complected, etc. i am absolutely terrified to lose weight, because if i got skinny and he still rejected me i think i'd go out of my mind. has anybody else ever felt this way? it is literally keeping me from wanting to lose weight.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): i just wanted to say that i am right there with all you ladies. i have been with my husband for 6 years. when we first got together we had sex every day... a couple of months into our relationship the sex slowed down to once a week, then every other week, then even less. for months i tried to initiate sex with my husband and there was always an excuse about how he was tired, didn't feel good, the baby would be up soon, etc. so sex is too much work, but it seems he enjoys looking at porn every.single.day. i've talked and cried to him about it dozens of times, and he says it's nothing i did, no he doesn't get more turned on by them than me, he just doesn't have a sex drive. ummm if you don't have a sex drive, why are you jerking it to porn every day? it's been 6 years, ladies, and it still breaks my heart. after our last big arguement where this was brought up, things have gotten a bit better. in fact, 2 days ago, we had great morning sex! but what did i find a few minutes ago while looking on his computer? i found that he was in here looking at porn before we came in and woke me up for the great sex. i am so upset that i can't even see straight. i used to be really confident, and now i feel like i have ZERO self-esteem. i long for the days when i felt sexy, or could make myself feel sexy by the way i dressed or acted. that is so long gone... another thing that bothers me is that i can't stop checking his computer! i KNOW he is looking every day, yet i still have to torture myself by confirming it. he tries to hide it but i know more about computers than him and know how to check. i would never cheat on my husband, but sometimes i wonder what it would be like to once again have sex with a man that WANTS me, not wants me to shut up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): YES!!!!! guys like that will never stop. sick perverts.
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reader, iscrammed  +, writes (18 May 2009):
my ex-husband chose porn over me and i divorced him. thank goodness no children were involved. i knew i could never ever trust him again after catching him in the act in front of the computer... i was not even sleeping! he had the nerve to view this garbage while i was in the kitchen. i bolted out of there and got a divorce. i could not imagine i could never trust him again. good riddance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): You are not alone. I enjoy porn as does my husband. We have been married for 20 yrs. For the first 10 yrs of our life we had a great sex life. He did porn (mags, pics) but I didn't care. We had exciting erotic sex and we enjoyed the porn together at times, mostly he did it on his own. Then about 10 yrs ago I noticed he would prefer to watch playboy channel late at night while I slept. No more late night sex or touching or anything. Sex became once a wk. Then we got a computer. Well for the last 10 or so yrs sex has become a joke. He gets home before I do from work and he is watching internet porn 1-2 hrs per day and we only have sex on the wkend, like every other saturday night. Sometimes we go 2-3 months with nothing. He is a good person and we have a good relationship outside of this problem. I feel alone, disgusting, like a NOTHING! I can't compete with how beautiful these girls are. I also can't compete with what some of these girls are doing. He enjoys gangbangs and outdoor sex. Funny thing is I have always given him anything he has ever wanted in bed, including us doing some swapping during our marriage and it satisfied both of us. I'm not going to lie and say I only did it for him, I also enjoyed it, but if he wanted it, I did it because I love him and enjoy pleasing him. So the fact that he prefers PC porn over me is sooo extremely painful. We have talked about it many times over the yrs. I've cried and told him how I feel and he is so loving and caring and he seems so understanding. The next day he is back on. We are in our late 40s and not in as great shape as we used to be. We do have kids and work full time and time does seem to be tight, but I just can't understand why he prefers pics and video over touching a warm person and having REAL sex. What could be more intimate and satisfying. The porn for me would not be an issue if it weren't for the fact that he barely ever touches me. I'm thinking about leaving him, can't bare the thought of spending the last yrs of my life so alone and worthless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Well my husband told me before we got married he would stop looking at porn, because i hate it, it's disgusting to me. He promised and i trusted him, then all of a sudden we started only having sex once a week, and it really was just to shut me up. Some times he would lose his erection also and i know before we got together he was single for 4 years so he had a porn collection. He did toss it all out before we moved in together. You know the internet, free porn everywhere.
I just found out he's been looking at porn while i'm at work, every week day. I too noticed we would only have sex with me on weekends (cause he has no access to porn). I told him look, work makes me stressed out and i want sex when i get home. Nothing has changed, and he still keeps looking at porn then hiding it and lying to me about it. He also has no job and home all day with our 1 year old daughter.
I just dont get it, i'm a hott girl, with huge boobs and nice body I get hit on all the time by guys so i know i'm attractive. I want sex all the time, i'm very sexual but he chooses porn over me. And lies about it to me. Im beginning to think he doesn't love me. Why would someone i love deeply, want to hurt me like he does. Then he freaking lies to me about it. I have all the proof too. He always trys to manipulate my mine and make it seem like i'm crazy. I'm really unhappy, and i know there's better guys out there. I just want my husband to respect me and love me.
I'm just too sexual and my husband chooses porn over me.
I give him blowjob every time too. What the heck?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): I've just come across this site and I my husband has replaced me with masturbating with a rubber vigina to PC porn. Also there were issues with him wanting me to look and act like one of these porn stars. It was very stressful and hurt so much.Firstly, I just want to say masturbation is a very natural thing and most people do it. But it becomes a problem when one partner replaces their wife/husband for porn. Some men masturbate to feel in control. Usually when porn becomes a problem it is sometimes due to emotional issues that the person cannot deal with i.e. bullying from childhood, abuse etc. By masturbating they don't have the added problem of feeling insecure about their performance or size. Virtual women don't critise or need to be satisfied.So I got my husband to start counselling and we are now working through our issues, our sex life has been 1-2 times a year, which was very stressful. Now my husband is going through alot of past issues which have dented his confidence and self esteem and is now aware of why he became addicted to porn.I know we all go through phases of not wanting sex and work, family etc bring alot of stress, but I feel being married is great but needs to be worked on. Communication is vital and spending time together as a couple away from kids, family, friends is also very important, otherwise we can become the mom and dad and forget the couple, the two people who fell in love.Relationships are hard work, just like friendships, but if you take the time to sit down together, have courage to say what you feel, calmly and it may hurt, but to support each other no matter what comes up, things will change.Easier said then done I know, I am going through it at the moment, healing and connecting with my husband again, it has taken alot of hard work, commitment, communication etc. Now we are getting back to a healthy balance in our sex life, we are able to have all kinds of sex and masturbate alone in a more healthy way.Sometimes it may not work for every couple, emotional damage may be too big or the relationship may have just died.So I wish you good luck and hope that you get through it and your relationship becomes what you need it to be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): My husband has also seemed to betray me as oftn as he gets the urge. It is very frustrating after trying to compromise with him and allow him to watch it as long as we were together at the time. He has continued to sneak behind my back and be devious. 2 days ago i found his latest mag. I was very upset and we had a big argument. It was not until the next day when i took my 5 year old to school that i realized the impact this was having on my son. He was worried that i did not love daddy because we have been yelling at eachother alot. My husband always comes up with a lie when i catch him and always denies "using" it. I am getting prepared to leave and you should consider this also. I have been waiting six years for things to change. How long are you willing to wait before enough is enough?
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reader, Goldie777 +, writes (6 February 2009):
MY husband has been obsessed with porn for many years we have been married for 35 years and he has always had his porn and I never minded. He has DVD's books and now the internet. I still didnt mind but now I just found out he has been going to strip clubs and having sex with the whores in the back. He is going to be 61 years old, so it does not go away as they age. Mine got worse!You need to get help for him or it will just get worse like a drug addict.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): PLEASE don't let anyone tell you your low self-esteem is the problem here. If you didn't have it before, you'd have it now. Your post, as well as others I've seen, point out a common problem--compulsive users of porn often DO stop having sex with their partners. It's not always the other way around as defenders of porn often like to point out. And don't feel like you have to join in something that you find repulsive--that's just stupid.
You are not qualified to spend time alone dealing with why your husband uses, the stresses he's under, etc. That's a professional's job. After he agrees to get help, then the two of you can deal with these issues together. But don't try to do it on your own--that's a set up for being constantly manipulated.
Good luck to you--if you get through this and save the marriage, you have an opportunity for incredible growth and strong love. But, if he doesn't cooperate, leave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): hi, i just been looking these letters and can relate to how your feeling as i am in the same situation. he won't talk about it, he won't even tell me how long his addiction has been going on. to top it all up he is a liar too, so if he does decide to pour his heart out it would be hard to beieve anything he say's. we are married and have a daughter. I would like to leave him and start a new life but still think that my daaughter is to young to face her parents separating and must say that he is a good and loving father. I will waite until my daughter is able to cope with us separating till then he can watch as much porn as he likes as long as he likes i will not let it affect me or my self esteem it's his problem so let him deal with it.
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reader, Tiffbear +, writes (2 November 2008):
I had the same problem with my boyfriend. We were living together and he kept looking at porn so I used a program called porn vigil. you can get it here if u want www.pornvigil.com
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reader, JUSTBROWSING +, writes (14 October 2008):
 no join him...watch the porn see what he likes ...give it to him...if yiu don't believe in yourself no one will sweetie...so tell the low-self-esteem to kick rocks
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): I have been searching for other people in my position, and it's a relief to know that I'm not alone. I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years and after 6 months of living together, the sex suddenly stopped. I have NEVER been in a relationship where sex/porn was an issue or a problem. So I kept quiet and thought it was me that made him stop. I started weight loss programs, starved myself, went on anti-depressants, became angry and then a sobbing mess every night in bed, alone. He would stay up and watch TV and fall asleep on the couch knowing I was up stairs in bed. So the first time I walked in on him, it all came tumbling out. I flipped out on him and told him everything that I was feeling and doing to myself. I couldn't believe that he would choose the internet over me. So he came to an agreement that it wouldn't happen again. I told him that if that was something he needed every now and then in the relationship, let me know; I'm game. I said, it wouldn't have been such a big deal if we had a sex life...but since we didn't it became a big deal. He then came out and said that my 'moodiness' is what made him back off in the first place but I brought to his attention that my 'moodiness' was b/c he was slacking off. Since then, things got a little better but still wasn't feeling much affection from him so I made him take a blood test to see if he had a hormone diffency, made him seek counsling with me and threatened parental controls on the internet. I've walked in on him 5 more times since then and each time I've left him. He ruined my Christmas last year and caused so much stress in my life that I started losing my hair. I just recently caught him and this time, I tried a different approach. I told him what he was making me feel like, how other people see me and if there wasn't an answer to my question 'why?' this time and a compromise/solution to this issue, he wouldn't be able to repair the emotional damage he's caused and it wouldn't be worth us staying together. It's been 3 years and if he can't be open and honest with me about this, then life with him would be one big stressful fight. As much as I love him, it's not healthy for the both of us to continue this way. There are other people out there that will respect you and love you and honor you no matter what age. To simply overlook this would be a foolish mistake upon my part. As much as people try to sweep relationship issues and concerns that keep repeating under the rug, they eventually make it back up to the surface to mess things up again. A tiger can't change it's stripes; you can shave off it's fur but eventually, it grows back. Unless you try laser hair removal but who wants to spend that much money and time to do that?!? Get a lion :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): As a husband who has always preferred porn to sex with my wifeand has a sexless marriage due to this, my advice is to not let yourself get into the low self esteem thing. This would have happened with anyone he had married. Partner sex, especially in a long term relationship, can be difficult and unappealing for some men, many of whom need sexual newness and variety in order to become aroused.If everything else in the marriage is OK and he's not abusive it would be a shame to break up the family when you have young children. After all it isn't their fault their Dad has sexual issues.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): If you love your husband enough and that's the only thing that is causing you grief.. don't they say if you cant beat 'em,join 'em.Offer mutual masturbation, just because he is a christian doesnt mean he cant be a male. Just that some men keep this away from their partners. If you have low esteem, you may want to go and get yourself checked out to see what other areas in your life are causing you stress. Chances are your partner may not want to bother you while you are under stress. If it's your husband causing you stress because he is looking at porn. Go buy yourself some sexy lingere, try and remember what use to turn him on about you. This is not all about him, you need to focus on you first.If you are overweight, some males dont like it. So go out for your walks, cut down on your food intake. Go buy some sex toys, look up some new positions - seems to me that you need to go and see that - this is a male thing. It's up the female to show her man, that she is attractive and he wants to show you love. If he is saying I love you and shows you in other ways.. I dont feel this is enough of a reason to leave him unless the love you have for your husband is dead.We are no therapists and we can only take what you have written this page. A key to a relationship is communication and if it's causing you to feel this way - talk to him and let him know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008): My husband hurt me so badly recently. I have always accepted pornography and I have tolerated it in the house, but recently I stumbled across literally hundreds upon hundreds of downloaded porn files on his computer.The sheer voloume upset me for a number of reasons. Firstly he doesn't have the internet on his PC, and has been downloading it at his MOTHERS house! It's mostly 'anal' and 'gangbangs' and so I pretty sure with this qunatity his mother has probably at some point noticed. Shes extremely laid back and will allow him to continue doing this, but I feel so humiliated and disrespected. Secondly, I could tolerate 20-30 movies that I thought he might watch now and again...as men do...and I always thought he had a low sex drive anyway...but with this amount of porn I can see his sex drive is fine...he just prefers sex alone with his Pc to having sex with me. He will sleep with me once a week to stop me getting totally frustrated, but I'd like sex a lot more. He on the other hand said watching porn is faster and less messy and less hassle!I tried to talk to him, but he also says I'm just trying to control him. It's not that though. Like most people here I feel ugly, fat, unwanted, rejected, lonely and extremely pissed off! I didn't have a go at him and tried to talk to him about it in a sensible way, but all I got was he'd get rid of nothing and then after I broke down in tears...he'd get rid of what he didn't want as it was clogging up his PC anyway. He did get rid of some of it but there is a substancial amount left. He's in no hurry though.What will I do about it?Well to be honest, I have not been able to undress infront of him since. My sex drive diminished in a flash and I feel like I've caved in on myself. I feel numb and I know this may be the beginning of the end. I have not smiled or laughed with him and I am not sure I can forgive the fact he has humiliated me infront of his family. One thing I do know is that if his mother did notice...everyone, his sister, her colleagues, all will know as she thinks these things are funny and has no tact or common sense. The only person who won't get told is me.So please know you are not alone and it could be worse. If you decide your relationship can not be rescued from this, there are men out there who do prefer real female company and who will love you the way you want to be loved and deserve to be loved. This is something I think I'm beginning to understand. Good luck and I hope things work out for the best for everyone who has shared their experiences here.
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reader, hope4me2 +, writes (22 August 2008):
I have been with a porn addicted hubby for 13 years now. I have caught him over and over again. Each time I catch him I tell him how much it hurts me (he is also verbally abusive. He would tell me things like with a wife like you do you blame me for watching porn. We would only have sex once a week when he wanted it (to shut me up) he would never say yes to me if I asked (supply and demand) I left him 5 times and 5 time he promised to stop. I knew he didn't because he generally behavior towards me didn't change. Horrible in bed hurry and get in over that kind of thing. Well guess what I found myself a great job working with great people and my family is totally supportive of me leaving him and I now can finally say I AM DONE WITH HIS SICK ADDICTION AND YOU WHAT TO KNOW WHY I KNOW I AM DONE THIS TIME BECAUSE WHEN HE CRIED LIKE A BABY (like i would do each and every time I caught him and he didn't care)THIS TIME I FEEL JUST LIKE HE DID WHEN HE GOT CAUGHT AND I CRIED I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE WHERE I AM NOW. I JUST RENTED AN APARTMENT HOME FOR MY DAUGHTER AND MYSELF. I AM FINALLY DONE. IT TOOK 13 YEARS BUT LIKE A SLOW TURTLE I DID IT. I AM FREE FROM VERBAL ABUSE AND FROM FEELING LIKE I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL. I KNOW BETTER NOW. TRUST ME IF HE DOESN'T GET HELP HE WILL NEVER GET BETTER. GOOD LUCK
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Your deffinitly not alone for I to have a boyfriend(we live together) that has choosen porn over me and I have tried to talk to him but it's like hitting a brick wall he says I'm trying to control him tell him what to do. I'm not I just want him to make love to me and not his computer I am the real thing how can you give up the real thing and act as if nothings wrong. Even if he slows down on porn he still is'nt doing anything with me I love him and dont want to be shallow and leave him cause I know he has a problem. I tried to talk to people about it but no one i know has the same problem and this isnt something you can just bring to his mom she wouldnt do anything anyways. It's made me feel like i'm not pretty and fat and i'm not good enough in bed to please him. And I told him that and his response was He has no control over how I feel about myself what he does should not control my feelings and if I dont get an answer from him like that alls i get is I love you baby. To me thats not an answer it's a cop out to the real answer. Exspacially when the question was do I turn you on or do you still want me or I there something i'm not doing for you that you want me to do I think of him in everything i do but yet I'm the one that is being left out of our what used to be sex life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): After 11 years, I've finally reached the point where I am willing to let him go. The rose colored glasses have fallen off, I've been lied to and disappointed over and over and over again. I loved him fully enough to try to understand, maybe not enough to fully forgive. When there's an ending, it's easier to forgive, to say "let the past be what it is" and look to the future, but when someone repeatedly lies and you keep discovering your life is a lie, it's hard.
I believe I am ready to give up.
I wish you well. I think I understand your pain and have sought the same answers multiple times.
I don't think men understand the ramifications of their interest and they learn to minimize the repercussions and not care. We women end up being the "crazy" ones. Well, I'm not crazy. I just want better for myself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): There are web-sites that help with the matter of porn addiction. This is not your fault or your problem, you can't 'talk' to him. Can anyone talk to an alcoholic and say, hey honey...you know your drinking is hurting me and I want you to stop it right now....nope never worked, and it won't for porn addiction either.
Go to npsupport.net and recoverynation.com
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): I'm pro-porn, I suggest ladies allow some of it in the house, as many men find it stimulating and it helps them to relax. But when men stop having sex and would rather look at porn, it needs to go. They are replacing real relationships with a real women, they are not fullfilling their role as a man. To you and Mrs. Anonymous, your husbands have a real problem with porn, and the porn has to go. I will only tell you what I would do, but you must decide for yourselves how to work this one out. A man who prefers porn to me is an unfaithfull adulterer, he's got emotional tie to something else. Mrs. Lizzie your husband is a Christian, I would sit him down and tell him I'm going to speak to our local priest. He made vows, and one of them was to worship your body. I would threaten to bring his addiction and neglect into the open, so everyone finds out what a bad husband he is. I would get me the biggest mental bin I could find. I would burn the porn on the computer on to CD ROM, I would gather up the DVD's the magazines and everything else I could find. I would put the bin on the street, so everyone could see what I was doing. I would light a fire and burn the whole thing up and I would shout and tell everybody "THIS IS NOW A PORN FREE HOUSE BECAUSE MY HUSBAND HAS A PROBLEM HAVING SEX WITH HIS WIFE"... Then I would book into marriage guidance/counselling and if he won't attend, I'd go myself, to try to figure out if my marriage is worth saving. No sex, no marriage, that would be my moto. Cut off the porn channels, stop cooking, kick him out the bedroom, let him sleep outside with the rest of the other dogs. I would make his life such a misery, that he would tackle his problem or move out. I would book an appointment with the doctor and get somebody to examine his head and his body to make sure he's not broken.
A man who looks at porn, and turns down sex with his wife, is a useless stupid idiot. Throw out the porn, tell everybody he has a problem, and tell him to sort it out with a doctor or get out of the house whilst I arrange a divorce.... Sorry, I like porn, but this is what I would do if my man refused to come to bed....Blessings
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): i was just browsing other similar letters to yours it appears you are not alone in this my partner too prefers porn to me, i used to question everything about myself am i too fat do i smell am i not sexy enough do i not show him enough love i am normally a confident person who was left feeling crushed by his rejection of me many nights i have lay in bed longing for him just to reach out and touch me or even to want to kiss me but no its not been happening for 3 years now but after much soul searching and seeing the attention i get from others i know for sure its not me with a problem it is most definately him, he can only get turned on by images of other people doing it, i even lowered myself to his standard on one occasion and let him bring in the bedroom because i wanted to be with him so badly, but after that experience i will never repeat it he didnt look me in the eye once he only watched the tv the whole time. these men have an addiction that is deep seated dirty and sordid, they cant form proper human relationships they just want the fantasy, we could all act out scenes from porn but it wouldnt help its not real sex they want. i do question if its the women he is looking at or the men hmmm ill never know cos my partner refuses to discuss it, i dont have great words of advice for you i just wanted you to know you are not alone and how it makes me feel i shall be watching your answers carefully in the hope i too can gain an insight into this seedy little world, i suspect you may be told to walk away and find a man who will love you and cherish you of course its not always so easy to walk away is it? goodluck honey i wish you well my life for now remains sexless i have learned to accept it for now but not forever i know our future is doomed its just a matter of time and i know the porn channels and pc wont keep him warm on the cold nights but nor will i unless he gets help :-)
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reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Have you tried talking to him about this (or is that a stupid question).
Maybe if you pointed out how much it hurts you and efecting you wanting to be with him, he might take some notice. The trouble with porn is that it can be very adictive, and some guys find themselves watching it out of habit.
He obviously see's nothing wrong with looking, and probably feels you are getting uptight over nothing. But I know to some ladies it seems like the end of the world that thier partners look.
It doesnt mean that he doesnt love you, just that he is showing a lack of respect for your feelings. He could just get bored with looking in the end. If I were you I would make it clear how I felt, and if he still wont change then leave for a few days so that he knows you mean business.
If he comes to realise that he could lose his family over it, maybe it will make him think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): It depends on whether you love him or not. Whether he makes you happy or not. Whether you see a future or not. Whether you trust him or not. Whether you see hope or not.
I think you should explain to him your concerns and possibly seek marriage consuelling but I can't force you into it. I think your daughter deserves the chance for her parents to remain married.
You might've got married too quickly though...
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