A
male
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anonymous
writes:After 2 years with a wonderful girl I proposed... She said yes! We were planning on moving in together and then got into an argument about money. She says I had a look in my eye like I was going to hit her.... I wouldn't touch a hair on her head! But Now she's done with me! Told me to never call never text... Forget her as if we never were.I'm heartbroken but the biggest question I have is that I bought her her dream ring. We picked it out together and had it custom made. It cost me everything I had and she's refusing to give it back. Says it's a gift. So I ask to all of you women out there, why would you keep the ring if you want to forget the person who asked you for marriage? Wouldn't it be a constant reminder of that relationship? Also I feel that why would you keep your dream ring bought by another man to save for the person you will marry eventually? I don't think that she should keep the ring I bought her just for some other man to come along and go " great you already have the ring I don't have to spend any money someone else already did that for me". How would you feel if this were you? And for the women out there why keep it?
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female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Get the ring back!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011):
Under the laws in most states an engagement ring is a contract for marriage and not considered a gift. If that is true in your state she is obligated to give it back to you if she does not fulfill the contract.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Check your local laws. In the US (in most states) the ring needs to be returned as it was conditional on marriage, not a "fondness for another individual".
She broke the engagement and should show some class to return it. Be happy you are not marrying this paranoid golddigger!
Best Wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Be very firm with her, tell her that you had every intention of having a fantstic life with her and if she does not feel the same way, you are sad that is the case, however you spent everything you had on the ring and it is not right for her to play games to try and test your love for her. Tell her it is fine to have differences about money and that what you could both learn from the situation is how to disagree fairly and hear each others side.If she aplogises and gives it back that is great and you can both move forward. If she doesn't then she is a 'shew' so tell her that you are sorry she was not a nice person and you would like to keep re-coup your losses since you have just found that out. Then get a lawer.By handling it this way you can test her character and find out whether you both need to compromise and learn to argue better or if she is not very nice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): I agree with Honeypie. Get the ring back. And all the best. :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Personally, I think she should give it back, SHE broke the engagement, not you.
I would actually contact a lawyer, if the money you spend is substantial (over $5,000)
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Yepp, pretty much what they said was what I thought. Either she isn't serious about breaking up, she loves the ring because it her dream ring, or she wants to sell it. I can't possibly see her keeping it as a future engagement ring. I don't think there is a man who would accept her wearing someone elses engagement ring as a symbol for their engagement. Unless he simply didn't care, in which case they would be doomed from the start. I personally would not want to keep the ring if I was serious about it being over. It is petty and a reminder of the person I don't want to be with. Now about spending so much on a ring, I would have to agree with the previous posters. My boyfriend and I have started shopping for rings for our engagement. I would never dream of asking for anything over a grand, and even a grand is a bit too much. We have it, but it wouldn't be a wise investment in my opinion. The money could go towards savings, which is what we are doing. And I actually found a ring for $650 that I am perfectly happy with. We plan to get married and it is our money, not just his to throw away on a huge diamond. If it doesn't work out with her, learn from it. A girl who just wants a really nice ring- what does she really care about..? You or a status?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): I agree with Odds to a point. It's never a good idea to spend that much money on a ring. Any woman who expects you to is shallow, and not wife/mother material. So you'll know for next time.
Where I disagree is the bit about most jurisdictions ruling in her favour. I'm not sure about that. If you were suing her for the return of a DVD player you'd given her for her birthday then I'd agree. That is a gift. But an engagement ring is given in anticipation of a wedding. If that wedding does not happen she ought to return the ring. And I think a court might rule in your favour on that one. Whether or not it's worth suing her for is another matter. Speak to a lawyer to find out exactly what your rights and responsbilities are.
If she's not planning to reconcile then she's keeping the ring because it's a nice piece of jewellery, 'her dream ring'.
You'll have to ask yourself what this is worth to you compared to peace of mind. It might be worth it to sue for it, or take the loss and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): she should give it back, she broke it off not you and the ring was not a gift it was a sign that she will marry you and no-one else
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Engagement rings are actually a fairly young tradition, less than a century old (unless you count royalty, or the grass rings woven around the wrists and ankles of brides-to-be in Celtic tradition). But that aside, "traditionally," the ring was supposed to serve as insurance for the bride against the groom taking her virginity and then jilting her. It was supposed to be given back if she broke off the engagement, or kept and sold if he did.
You can probably see two or three reasons engagement rings are an outmoded tradition. Besides that, you should never have spent so much on the ring - what do you really think would be a better symbol of the marriage, a shiny rock or a down payment on a house?
Anyway, she's either playing head games and will call you back in a few weeks to say she wants to get married (in which case, take the ring back and dump her ass), or she's going to sell it.
You could try to sue for it, but most jurisdictions would rule in her favor here - and you're already hard up for money, you say. All the more reason not to get a ring in the first place, especially not an expensive one. Consider it a hard-bought lesson.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 June 2011):
I don't really know why she wants it, but I do know she is correct. Technically, it was a gift and she is legally within her right to keep it.
If you want the truth, chances are she kept it to sell it, and you've been well and truly conned. Sadly, that's the way it is. And there is nothing at all that you can do about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): The laws vary from state to state. In some states it is a gift, in other states she has to return it. If you live in a "must return" state, explain that to her (nicely). If she refuses, file in court. Don't waste a lot of time arguing about it, just do it.
Having said that, how long has it been since this happened? If you have any interest in working things out you might want to give her some space and let the dust settle for a couple weeks or so and see if she changes her mind. If not, you can always take legal action later. If you push the ring issue hard right away it will more than likely cause more hard feelings.
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