| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My BF of 3 years had to work all day on Valentine's Day. He gave me my gift and we celebrated on Friday.Yesterday we had a quick chat while he was at work. He texted me, "Be my Valentine?", and I said "Yes" and asked if he will be mine. He said "For sure" and that he likes to see me smile. That it makes him happy.But I was a little surprised that when he got home after work he did not send me a good night text. I saw he was active on Facebook at around 10pm. so I expected he'd send me a good night text. But he didn't. To me, this action does not seem to go with his actions earlier in the day. I just thought that with being Valentine's and all that he would end the day with a text saying "Good night sweetie." I am not sure if I am expecting too much. Maybe you can tell me what you think?My reasons are he was sweet before and paid attention and acknowledged Valentine's but then dropped the ball by not texting good night and yet he had time to go on Facebook before bed. The fact he was on FB made it worse to be honest. Because if he never went on before bed, I might have seen it as him just being tired and not texting cause he fell asleep.I did send him a good night text at around 11 but have yet to hear back. I just go from feeling one extreme all the way to the opposite extreme in the course of a day.I felt hurt.Am I taking it too personally?
View related questions:
at work, facebook, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 February 2016):
 I think you're taking it personally.
He wasn't able to spend time with you on Valentine's Day but made a special point to let you know how he felt about you.
It's nice to get a 'good night' text but not necessary. There was nothing wrong with him being on Facebook. He doesn't have to check in with you just because he's online.
The only potential problem I see here is your expectations and insecurity.
A
female
reader, underdog  +, writes (15 February 2016):
I can understand where you're coming from, it annoys me sometimes when I see that my OH has been on Facebook but can't find the time to text me back. But I do think you're thinking too much into it, he was working all day and gave you a lovely text. He probably thought that was enough and didn't think it would hurt you that he didn't text you goodnight. He probably was tired after working all day and had a quick look through Facebook before going to bed. For most people, looking through Facebook before bed is a habit and winds them down.
Try not to take it personally!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2016): I see the point of the other aunts but that would bother me too. I don't think he did it on purpose. But holidays like Valentine's Day are those that you expect a little extra attention and extra coddling. Kinda like a birthday. And when you love someone but cannot spend time with them on a special occasion because of conflicting schedule, work and such, it's nice to put in a little extra effort to do what you can with what you got. A phone call after work would've been nice, just to remind you that you were on his mind. But maybe he thought the deed was done, you two celebrated on Friday and it wasn't a big deal. Like I said, I don't think he did it on purpose. Next time you see him just tell him in a non confrontational way that you would've liked to hear from him on Valentine's day when he got off of work. It was after all Valentine's day. He seems like a reasonable guy. I'm sure he will take it into account, it's a detail that is important to you and he won't forget to do that in the future. You are not asking for much. I don't think he'll be offended. If he loves you, he just wants to make you happy. You just wanted a little extra attention on Valentine's day. Nothing wrong with that.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 Most people would have been thankful that instead of just working all day he made the effort on Friday to give you a gift. I would have been over the moon with that, also he texted during Valentines which was great. You look for the wrong in everything, if you live your life like this you will end up alone, and very very lonely. Nobody likes to be around negative people. You don't see how lucky you are, you just try and pick faults where there are none.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2016): You're even lucky, you have a bf who you celebrated valentine with. So just chill up, do you know how many girls are wishing to be in your shoes? hmm.. take it easy
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 You are not taking too personally, you are taking it too insanely. And if you carry on like that, you risk losing your marbles totally pretty soon.
If you are, as I think you are, our recurrent poster with trust issues toward her still married , or just separated , sixtysomething boyfriend, you won't find my answer as harsh as it sounds, because every now and then you have flashes of awareness, when you admit yourself the very same thing.
This is not healthy ; you need either to find a way to regain control over your emotions , maybe with the help of a medical specialist if you can't make it on your own, or to leave this relationship which, regardless of the tender , romantic moments, seems to give you MUCH more unhappiness than joy. At least, if we have to draw conclusions from your posts.
IF you were another poster ( I doubt it ) I could try to convince you rationally, i.e., yes you are taking this too personally . You already had your Valentine's moment, you already had exchanged Valentine's sentiments, and he may have thought in perfect good faith that he had been Valentinish enough. The fact that, even being awake, he did not think to say Good Night via text , may perhaps show that you aren't on top of his thoughts in his every waking moment ; than again, if you were, that would not be love, that would be an unhealthy obsession.
Moreover, you'd have ground to complain if he had the habit to send you a Good Night text each night, so why skipping , and of all nights just on Valentine's day 's night - but apparently he does not have this habit, some times he'll wish you good night , some others he won't, so why are you getting so upset.
But, that is rational thinking , and rational is of little or no help when someone is wallowing in the waters of irrational. I think deep down you know yourself that if he HAD sent a Good Night text,...then the day after you would have been looking for something else to worry about, like , " He did not text Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " or " Good Evening " etc.etc.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 I have to agree with Chigirl here.
You need to chill. The ONLY one hurting you, is you. You have all these notions of what a BF should do, but have you actually told him?
It was Feb 14. That is it. You two already celebrated Valentine's and he did his "cute" little thing yesterday too.
I know it might be because I'm from the generation that didn't start using cell-phone till my mid-twenties - and even then people didn't have this craze attachment thing with their phones. Cell phones were for emergencies and work. Not for carrying on (or trying to) relationships.
Due to my husband's work there were days (even weeks and later months) where we didn't have a chance to talk. AT ALL. Over the phone. When we first started dating - long distance phone calls were expensive. We were limited to once a week calls. And you know what? 20 years later we STILL make it work!!
DON'T try and have a DEEP relationship via text. The whole "he didn't send me a goodnight text so I', going to fall apart" - it's a bit.... BIG BIT - over the top.
You can send him a Good night text (if you want) and if he have the time, isn't sleeping, has checked the phone maybe he will reply back. But a "good night text" is not absolutely necessary for your survival or for the survival of your relationship. And if it is... That would be sad.
RELAX - enjoy life. Don't make drama out of nothing. It will only makes you feel nuts.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2016): Yes you are taking it too personally!
What you learn to realise over time is all these "He doesn't text me"/"He didn't text me back" don't matter in the grand scale of things.
He loves you, you love him. Simple. End of.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 I think you are being a big drama queen! Why does this bother you so much? It is absolutely not mandatory to send good night messages on Valentines, and if you wanted to say good night to him then god damn it you should have sent him a text yourself!!!! What's this nonsense about him being supposed to message you good night just because it's Valentines?
The man is NOT a mind reader. Stop making things so complicated when they are in fact VERY EASY. If you want him to say good night, then you ask him to message you when he comes home. If you want to say good night, then you send him a freaking message saying good night. But crying about him not reading your mind and saying good night? That's just crazy right there.
If you tend to take things this negatively and get so easily offended, I will advice you to take a good and hard look at why you do this. It's not natural or logical, and it will ruin your relationships, not just with your boyfriend, but you will lose friends over this as well. Why should him not sending you a good night message mean anything? Answer this to yourself. Answer what exactly you think it means when he doesn't send a good night message. You need to sort out why you react this way so you can get it to stop before it's too late.
...............................
|
