A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know this 30 year old guy for a few years he used to come in my shop. Had not seen him for a few months when he started coming in my shop again. after a few times coming in my shop, I told him I had divorced from my husband. The next thing he did was to apply for a job to work for me and help me out as my right hand because i told him I was struggling I have three kids and a business to run. After about a month letting him on his own in the shop and me getting some time off, the stress I had disappeared and I could now relax , I started to work with him on his shift and we got to know each other more and I find out he is a really sweet guy. I told him I was feeling lonely at night so he started texting me and the textinggot a bit sexual. It is not until I had a date that he texted me that if he didn't have a girlfriend he would be withme ... So I realised he liked me .... The problem is that they just had a baby 6 months old and he has 2 other kids with 2 different mums. He cannot see his firstsdaughter because the mum moved away... So he doesn't want to lose another child .... He doesn't get onwith his girlfriend anymore and he said that when he is with me he is happy but ge thinks that if he leaves herbshe won't let him see the baby.... And he said he would go through a nervous breakdown .... He tried leaving her a month ago but after her reactionhe chose to try to work things out for the kids.... He said there is something special between us he can't keep his hands off me but he doesn't want to kiss or have sex he said nothing can happen atm .... What should I do ? Should I wait to see if he is gonna leave her or should I try and move on with my life with another guy? I should say i really like him, he is good with my kids and for me that is the most important thing and we have got an incredible chemistry....
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTy for your response ... I get the daughter s boss story it haopened to me already with a married man... He helped me a lot in
the past but I could see he was after the carrot at the end .... This is different with this man it is just not enough words to explain what is going on ... ATM he has gone to his solicitors to try and get custody of his second child because he is not happy with the way his mum treats him ... Tbh she is s wild girl and is not really bothered by his welfare....and to top it up his girlfriend doesn't want to look after his son on her own because he has been nasty to her so I don't know how he is gonna react to this situation and most of all I don't know what to advise him
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 He is only being good with your kids because he can see a big prize at the end of it .... a sexual full on relationship with a woman who owns a shop, its a new take on the old story of marrying the boss's daughter ...
Why pin your hopes on a man who temporarily is being good with your kids, who is incapable of caring for his own children, there are men out there, looking for loving, caring, sharing relationships but who are finding it hard to meet women because they are putting so much time into being good with THEIR kids!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know what u mean .... I just have to find my one special guy and I ll get over him ... My head is saying to get over him but my heart is stubborn....
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 Really, have you not read any of the advice given?
Well just carry on as you are, being drug along for an interesting ride.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has chosen to stay with his girlfriend a few weeks ago but we find it hard with sexual frustration..... He is having problems again with his girlfriend and I just can't find anyone I like ... Feeling so lonely and he is so good with my kids.... Still don't know what to do ....!!!!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 October 2010):
Lmao, AuntyBimBim...
Take off those rose colored glasses my dear..
That's more of a reason not to leave her because he has to care of his responsibility. At least one of them. What about the other kid? The one daughter, the mother got smart and took her away so she can keep her from asking daddy why she has so many brothers and sisters by different mommies. Well, daddy likes spreading his seed.
So just because he's show great interest and there's this chemistry doesn't mean he's leaving his girlfriend for you..He couldn't commit to 2 other women plus the one he has now, what makes you think you're any different? 4th time is a charm? Even though you're divorced, maybe a little rusty from dating, there's better men out there who don't have 3 carry on's and who are very single.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (27 October 2010):
okayyyy
so his current girl is lazy and immature
what of the other two, the mothers of his other two children, lazy and immature as well I assume, or maybe they both had two heads or something.
Why are you are making excuses for this excuse of a man.
I understand being a single, newly divorced mother is not up there when we are listing life's best experiences.
Its obvious this man is able to charm, if not the birds out of the trees, women into his magic bed which impregnates them with his offspring without him having to lift a finger or anything else .... right?
He has a less than admirable track record, three babies already to three different women.
Was he too blinded by the spinkly sparkly air surrounding the magic bed (bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi-boo) that he didnt notice the girl his magic bed was about to impregnate was lazy and immature, or could it possibly be, and this is just a crazy suggestion, could it be her laziness and imaturity are actually symptoms of depression? After all what has she got to be upbeat about?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I get what u r saying but his new girlfriend is a lazy immature girl he had to do everything for his daughter. He is up at 6. 30 am every morning and she is up whenever .... 10 am 11 am she doesn't appreciate what she has got.... On his days off he has got to do everything ... I can see why he is not happy with her....
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (26 October 2010):
 The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
This guy seems like he has a real problem with commitment, and if you get with him it will come back to bite you in the butt.
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A
female
reader, marymomnwife +, writes (26 October 2010):
oh no. dont wait on him to leave her for one u dont want to b the reason daddy finally leaves and two if u do wait and he does leave her and goes with u then he might start to think u will wait for him forever and sometimes thats not so romantic.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (26 October 2010):
 So this "swee guy" has 3 children with 3 different Mothers, huh? My, my, WHAT a catch!!! WHAT an absolutely sterling character he has!!
If you let him you'll be Mum No. 4. Hasn't got the decency to keep his pants zipped or to use condoms when he gets involved with a woman, has he?
You think he's really good with your kids, and you have an incredible chemistry, do? Well phooey to all that and quite frankly - forgive my language - bugger the chemistry!!
Unless you want to get involved with a loser, you should run - not walk - as far away and as fast, from this one as you can possibly get......and don't look back!
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (25 October 2010):
wooooo, what a plum to fall in his lap, a single woman not coping newly divorced
His story about if he leaves his g/f he wont see his baby is just him paving the way to an affair with you with no expectation of him leaving her .... you are a mother, how could you expect him to give up his baby???
He is a smart man, a con artist and a user of women, he fathers babies and then wanders off to impregnate another woman ... is this really the sort of person you want influencing YOUR children ... I would put money on his quitting the job once you get real to him.
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reader, DrPsych +, writes (25 October 2010):
 You need to steer clear of him in terms of a relationship. Three children by three different mothers and he doesn't get on with any of them...it cannot be all their fault surely. His girlfriend is at a vulnerable stage since she is a new mother. He is prepared to sneak around text cheating with you while his partner sits at home holding the baby. If he does this to her then he would be unfaithful to you as well. If he is working for your business then you can never be sure that his motivations towards you are strictly driven by romance. Basically he may see you as the boss who can enhance his career prospects and financial position so he maybe playing you along to keep his comfortable job.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (25 October 2010):
 I agree with Aunt Honesty. I understand you've been lonely and it's great that he's been there for you. However, you don't want to be stuck waiting around forever for him.
Also, no matter how nice he may seem, his track record has to, unfortunately, speak for itself. He keeps getting caught up with women and moving onto the next. Each time the girl must be thinking "He seems so nice".
I'm not trying to ruin your feelings for him or screw up your relationship, I'm just trying to get you to be careful. One time? Fine. But 3?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 October 2010):
A big red flag I'll point out is he has 3 kids all with different mothers..He loves them, gets them pregnant and leaves them. 3 times he's done this. You are a divorced woman, watch yourself..He may be great with kids but his past isn't looking too good, not to mention he's getting way too friendly with you when he has a girlfriend and a 6 month old. If the his reason he can't leave her is because for the baby then what's his excuse for the other two? I call bullshit on this guy, I highly doubt he's going to leave his current girlfriend for you..you can wait and see but don't hold your breath. Save yourself some heartache and the possibility of being a single mother..move on
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female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (25 October 2010):
you shouldn't be encouraging this, at the end of the day he has a girlfriend and a child and by the sounds of it he wants his cake and eat it. all he has to do is spin you a few lies and your putty in his hand, he gets no strings sex with you and a girlfriend plus mother to his child at home looking after him.
Basically why not look at it from his girlfriends view, if you were her with his baby how would you feel if a nother woman was encouraging this behaviour and hanging around waiting for him to leave you.
the fact that he has a string of children and women from other relationships tells me he is bad news and dont expect anything long term.
You call him a sweet guy but he wants to cheat on his girlfriend with you, sounds more like a love rat.
would you ever trust him?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 This is a tricky one am afraid. I dont think you should wait around forever as you will end up really hurt at the end of the day you could be waiting years for him to leave his girlfriend maybe even for the rest of your life.
You need to be honest with yourself and with him, if you would like something to happen and he does to then ask him to just leave his girlfriend he can go through courts to get joint custody of his children so that shouldnt be the problem and also remind him that there is no point staying with someone because of children as they are smart and can pick up on signs that there parents arent getting along and there fore they would get on a lot better having two parents that look after them sepratley and happily.
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female
reader, dancergirl +, writes (25 October 2010):
 you have to ask him straight up whether he is gonna leave her or not and you need a final answer, say that if he cant leave her for the woman he loves then he cant love that woman that much, he has legal rights to see the baby so he shouldnt have a problem with seeing the child, if he says he cant leave her then you have to move on, you cant keep doing this to yourself, you have your own life and your own needs.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (25 October 2010):
So this guy is just 30 and already has 3 kids with 3 different women, and is texting dirty with you while living with his latest baby mama... sorry, this is not a quality guy. Forget him, that's my advice.
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