A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Im in a bit of a situation. I am in love with a very old friend of mine. I have known him since we were at school, and we are very good friends, who can talk to each other about anything.We chat nearly every day, even tho he has a girlfriend - I dont know what she thinks about me. Their relationship has been rocky for a while, so I have been trying to distance myself. I dont want to be the other woman. We do flirt, and there is a definite connection between us, which for me is very strong. I have loved him for so many years, and even tho I have had other boyfriends, they have never matched up to the way I feel about him. We have nearly got together on many occasions, but things have always been in the way, uni, work, and me being scared.I just dont know what to do. I have never felt this way about anyone else. I know I love him. I know that if he felt the same way about me he would leave her, surely? Does he feel the same way, and is he just scared because he thinks I dont like him like that?Should I just forget him, and let him go, even tho it will break my heart, or do I hold out and wait just a bit longer......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Ok. I'm gonna give it to you really straight girl. Everybody is giving you these answers that you want to hear. Bottom line you shouldn't be flirting and messing around thinking about any friend that you know has a girlfriend. Even if the gf is a complete B-otch. If she is, you should tell him - out right - he is stupid to be with her. Then scrape your self dignity off of the floor and tell him, "I like you, and the flirting is cute. But you are in a relationship. So, since you can't be straight with me or her, we can't even be friends or whatever this is." You might think of this as a dramatic response, or really embarrassing or something but you gotta get real. Wouldn't it be much more embarrassing if everyone new that you were waiting around on some guy to weigh out the good attributes of you vs. this other girl, like he is choosing between two cars or something. I don't get why anybody would let people do this to them. I would rather date a guy who is completly awkward, nerdy, ugly, or otherwise socially unnacceptable who would at least respect me. I deserve that much!There are available fish in the sea. But, as long as you are flirting with the idea of being with someone who is supposed to be devoted to someone else - you are wasting your time, and his. Plus, what if you dated him and things started getting rough between the two of you? Would you want him to start something up with another girl before breaking it off with you? Honestly!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): Hi i am in same situation with my best friend. He lives in Germany , we both met in the Army six years ago. I am totally utterly in love with him. But to scared to say something, just incase it spoils friendship. As we do everything together and forever flying back and forth from Scotland to Germany. I say go for it because i will be going for it soon when i go over in November. You only live once so i need to do it.I think you should go for it, worst he can say is no.
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A
female
reader, catie-32776 +, writes (1 September 2009):
i think you should tell him, dont try anything with him though as he does have a girlfriend, you say you can talk to him about anything, then talk to him about this, just explain that you have some feelings for him and see what he says, if you have nearly gotten together numerous times it shouldnt be a problem, dont distance yourself from him though, you shouldnt have to, you have been friends with him for so long, his gf shouldnt get in the way, if he returns your feelings and tries anything just calmy tell him you dont want to be the other woman, and if he loves you just as much then surely he will end things with his gf.hope this helps good luck, and if you dont mind, let me know how it goes whatever you decide. im a sucker for romance :) x
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (28 August 2009):
I say simply go for it but not untill after he breaks it off with his current GF. Make sure you make it clear to yourself and to him that you want it to be a forward motion if you are to take your friendship further. Too often best friends feel like they took a step back when they pursued something romantic with each other. Being able to mutually fall in love with your best friend I think makes the best chance for a forever lasting and rewarding relationship. Follow your heart but don't get too far ahead of yourself
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 August 2009):
I think that while he stills has a girlfriend, you should hold off. Like you said, you don't want to be the other woman and leave the other woman hateful towards you. Since you two are friends, be there for him--once his relationship with her breaks off, then I think you should go for it. Maybe not come off too strong, like, "I've been in love with you for years! Be with me!" Because he may not be in the relationship mood after a breakup. Just casually ask him out, and start to see more of him. After that, then let him know SOME of your feelings. For all you know, he's felt the same way toward you but didn't think that you did. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (27 August 2009):
I would be very reluctant to do the best friend scenario. Honestly, its better to keep the infatuation. I think that if you try to date, and it fails, or If you sleep together, it will make things unbearably awkward if you have to go back to platonic. Keep it in mind. I mean, friendships are great, its not really something worth throwing away. But if its truly there, chase it.Tell him you feel something for him. See how he reacts, if he is dismissive, brush it off as a crush. If he pursues, you may be onto something-iydm
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