A
female
age
41-50,
*80bug79
writes:i have a very serious question that i need some closure on. please don't think i'm silly for asking it. first you need the back story. i grew up going to church every time the doors were open. it was nice especially for children because they had lots of kids club activities and a special church on sunday mornings for us with puppet shows which gave our scripture lessons for the week. while i was attending this church i met a boy named david. he was a couple years younger than me, but i liked him anyway. most of the kids my own age were quite snobby and didn't like to talk to me because my family was poor...david did. he had trouble making friends himself because he was deaf. he got a lot of negative comments due to the fact that he wore huge hearing aids and still spoke funny and could barely hear. his mother and father were great as well. they loved me and my siblings like we were their own family. once i joined youth it was a 2 years before david joined up with me (he was 12, i was 14) i started to develop feelings for him (those more than a friend type feelings). We went on a youth trip together and on the way back he held my and and I fell asleep on his shoulder. We liked one another, but were both too young to say that we were “dating”. I was ridiculed by my peers because of his age and his disability and he was ridiculed because I wasn’t exactly the beauty queen type. I never lost my feelings for david.Years went by and we sort of went our separate ways, but we met up later on. I was 22 when I saw him again. my daughter was 4 months old and david was thrilled to meet and be around her. He would walk around and hold her and kiss her little cheeks. His mother was as supportive as ever, but his grandmother wasn’t happy about it. She told david that he shouldn’t put himself in the same league as someone who was “a whore with a bastard baby”. We were at the beach and he came over and sat down next to me and reached for my hand. He looked deep into my eyes and moved forward starting to say something, but at that moment his grandmother walked in and told me to leave. I could tell that david was embarrassed, but what could he say, it was his grandmother. I left and didn’t see him again for another 2 years.I was working at a hospital as a CNA at this time and had one of my sister’s friends, Dana, watching my child for me on the Saturdays I had to work. Imagine my surprise when I walked in to find david sitting on the couch. He was dating dana at the time and had heard that she was going to be watching my daughter for me. He volunteered to come over and help. So, it went on that my child would spend most of her Saturdays with david and dana until one day I came in and david wasn’t there. dana said that they broke up because she felt like the only time he ever came to see her or spend time with her was when she was watching my baby. So, time went on and I didn’t see him again for a while.eventually, I ran into him at the store where he was working. He would always speak and smile and carry on conversations with me when I was there. He would even speak to my mother and ask about me when i wasn't there, always sending me messages through her. We talked about getting together, but either he was dating someone or I was and we never got the chance to be together. I still talk to him on occasion though our correspondence has mostly been on facebook.Here is my question. If there is really someone out there for everyone, then why do I feel as if I’ve found my someone, but that there is always something standing in the way? I love david and always have. I know that at one point he loved me too, but was too afraid (as was i) to say so. For seventeen years I have loved this man. Why should i have such a strong emotional bond with someone if I wasn’t meant to be with him in the end? I feel like maybe its because I’m not good enough for him, that his grandmother was right (after all my own family feels the same way) and that he deserves someone better. could someone please give me some advice on this situation. i mean, is there a reason that i could be so in love with a person for so long and never make that connection. am i doomed to be alone forever? should i continue to wait for him even if it means that i will end up alone? i love him so, so much but have never had the guts to really express (in words) how much he means to me, although he has always known by my actions. it is important to understand that while I was dating other people in between pining for david, that I never forgot about him or his kindness towards me. Many of my relationships dissolved because I compared them to david even though he and I had never actually dated.
View related questions:
aids , broke up, facebook, grandmother Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, trotman68  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 My heart goes out to you,reading your story sent the shivers down my body. I went to a church school and meet a boy called David. Your story is just like mine. The last time I saw david was from the age of 11 years old until I saw him on Friends reunited when I was 39.
He had put on his profile that he never forgot me and wanted to find me again. Which we meet up. Instead of being the thin boy I knew, he was now 17 stone. That didnt matter to me, my feelings was still as strong. We made plans to be together, but he was under pressure and became ill. He walked out of my life for 5 months, Not a word and so I sent emails to him, eventually the police warned me and told me that I wasnt allowed contact with him.
After 5 months he called me and apologised for all he put me through, we meet up again. We still talk and still remain friends. I want more, but we cant have the affair because his wife tried to kill herself when she knew he was going to leave her. He told her that he wanted to be with me. He only stays because he said that if anything happened to her, his son would blame him for it. We still love each other very much, sometimes I feel that he doesnt and used this as a excuse. I cant get it out of my head that he didnt contact me for 5 months. We are very good friends now and yes I hope he will see the light one day and would have him back.
I think if you love someone enough and you want that person and know he wants you, then sit back and wait for them. I know that I dont want anyone else apart from my David, so I would and I am.
If you do meet someone else, you will never be completely happy, so I would rather be over happy and with someone that I actually loved 100%, than end up with someone that you could only offer 50%. You would be alone anyway. so wait for david and tell him this.xx
Please let me know how you get on.xxx GOOD LUCK
A
female
reader, l80bug79 +, writes (22 October 2010):
l80bug79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so much for your advice. i plan on meeting up with david soon to just sit down and talk to him (without his grandmother around)
...............................
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Wow..........now that's a love story!
Hun, forget what happened in the past and just focus on the connection and the foundation you have with this man. When you guys were younger you couldn't be together mostly because of his grandmother who maybe was a little pushy and over opinionated but maybe she was watching out for her grandson as she didn't know you as well as he did and who knows what she was imagining. The fact that he respected her wishes and didn't rebel actually shows that he is well raised and has class. This man obviously loves you as well and you 2 are clearly meant to be together, otherwise life wouldn't keep bringing you together. You really need to talk to him the next time you see him as it sounds like maybe he has some self esteem issues that may hold him back from being the one that brings up the subject. Don't let him slip away hun, this is the kind of story that doesn't happen often in one life time.
Al the best to you sweets..let us know how things work out:)
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 October 2010):
 I feel your previous relationships ended because if your love is true for David, you are then aware of what is not. True love is different than what is experienced in most relationships, because it exists absent conscious thought, and emotional ego. It's a love that's true to the heart, and includes that deep bonding connection.
You asked, "Why should i have such a strong emotional bond with someone if I wasn’t meant to be with him in the end?" I'd say, in order for it to happen, you need to make it happen. I believe there are some people, through divine grace, are guided into the path of the one they are meant to be with. In your situation, I feel this has literally happened, over and over and over again. Take a moment and read what you wrote, and see how you seem to loose connection, then are drawn into re-connecting. How many times does this have to happen before you swallow your pride, open your mouth, and ask, "when you get off of work, how about we meet for a cup of coffee to talk?" Really, how much more of a sign do you require?
Throughout these connections you have been through other obstacles. You've been ridiculed, and he has as well. Then there is grandma, and your family. I have been researching relationships, giving advice and providing counseling for sometime now. If this is the one that's meant to be, others may not readily accept it. Even so, if this love is true, when you look at each other, you see the perfection in each other.
Never say that you are not good enough, or do not deserve to be together. That is factually not true. Don't let what others think keep you two apart. Put the truth of how you two feel first, which may mean entering into your own little world and shutting those who are negative out of your experience. In time others (including grandma) will notice the foundation of your love is true. So, I believe it's time to tell him how you feel. Go find out what you two can do together, instead of wondering if you will ever get that chance. I may believe some relationships are mean to be, but aside from this over and over and over again guidance into each others path, from there it's up to you to make the next move.
I hope this helps. Take care, and I wish you the best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Well, the only way to tell if there's something there is to talk to David about it. If he feels something for you, then you can take it from there. If you don't talk about it, you'll never know.
It's hard to approach someone about a topic like that, but honestly, it's the only way. Gather up all your courage and invite him for coffee or lunch one day. Get gutsy and just start talking. If he feels the same way, you can talk about how you should progress. If he doesn't, at least it's off your chest and you can move on with your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Well it sounds like he likes you aswell and he shouldnt let his grandmother come in the middle of you at the end of the day he is a grown man who can make his own decisions in the world.
You just need to be honest with yourself and honest with him, all this waiting around for him is going to end up knocking your confidence and you will end up lonely if you dont do something about this now.
So get in contact with him and spill your heart out to him, tell him you love him that you always have and that you really want to be with him, stop the waiting around because nothing is going to come of it, tell him how you feel then the ball is in his court for him to open up and tell you how he feels.
You only live once so go for it now before it is to late and you lose him to someone else. Good Luck
...............................
A
female
reader, marymomnwife +, writes (20 October 2010):
pardon me but his grandmother sounds like an overprotective bossy judgemental nosey bat.im sure there is a good reason for u not 2 b with ur babys daddy and if she cant handle that it sounds like her own personal prob 2 me. if u dont know how to handle the situation with him face 2 face then text im send a letter. let him know u have lovd him 4 so long and u need to hear him tell u if he wants a relationship or not. at least u can put ur tortured mind at ease. if u fall on ur face try at some point 2 take a singles cruise. there has 2 b another guy out there who would tell his mean grandmother to shut up about the woman he loves and her child.
...............................
|
