A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I meet a guy a week and half ago on a dating site. in his profile he said he is looking for long term have a family etc . so we went out and after that he was all over me, sending cute text msgs, hanging out every other day saying how pretty i was and everytime we spent time together was very intense. he even told me we should go to the doc for std tests right away and he did you so do I . One night we tried to have sex( exactly a week after we met) and he couldnt perform witch I didnt care because I like him so much already didnt matter but after that he changed and 2 days after he told me we are going to fast in such a short time and he didnt know if he wanted to be in a relationship or single he didnt want to get too involved and ended up hurting both of us ( he was on and off in a bad relationship before me). I freaked got mad and he let me go. I called him back and I told him we could go slow, go on dates etc to figure out if we should get more serious or not. he said he was glad and took a lot of pressure out of his head. after that he invited me to dinner at his house(he cooked) candle lights and he was the same as before, very caring, very romantic. what should I do? be cold? be romantic and make him think I am serious? I have no clue how to act in this situation. right now I told him I talk with other guys and he doesnt need to feel like we are serious or I am totally into him but I am . I want this guy to be mine just afraid he will runaway again so I am playing causual... what to do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): He's still figuring out where he wants the speed control to be set in this relationship. It sounds like he has a habit of on/off stuff too. You don't need to run from him but definitely don't push to over-escalate it.
The thing about the dating game is that it distorts what people get good at. It encourages guys to develop their skills at hooking a girl in much farther than their skills at managing the relationship once they get her.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 October 2010):
 I must say I wholeheartedly agree with jtmj and quiet-echo.
You have known him only a week and half. You say you're totally into him and want him to be yours.
With all due respect, I submit to you that this is MUCH much too soon to be thinking he's the "love of your life"!
It takes a long time - months - to really get to know another person, good qualities as well as the less appealing ones, and to figure out if the two of you are really compatible. Who knows: in another couple of months you might find out he's not someone you want in your life after all.
Slow down; don't be in a hurry to get into bed but continue to see him a couple times a week (every other day is too much, too soon. You need time apart. BOTH of you) and see how it goes.
Hopefully all will go well and it will turn into something you will both value. Time will tell!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Just go with the flow and relax. He didn't run, he just wanted to slow things down- (even though he may have been the one speeding it up). You shouldn't be over thinking and drawing up battle plans after only a week and a half of having known him to be honest- too much pressure on both of you.
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