A
male
age
36-40,
*opelessdistance
writes:Hi everyone!So here's the deal, my ''ex'', and I met over an internet game, at first we really didn't care for each other - I thought she was a terrible player, in turn she thought I was an asshole.But then as time went by we kind of grew on each other, we became good friends, and about a year went by and she confessed she had fallen for me. At first I wasn't even going to give her a chance, because she was much younger then I and it was extremely long distance, but she fought for it, and eventually won me over.Things were great, we got along perfectly, aside from the minor discrepancies, but we could always talk them out and get over it. We had so much in common, from games, tv, music, and almost the same ideals.Eventually over a year later after a lot of phone/webcam/texts we made an agreement that we had to see each other physically.We met at the airport and it was like love at first sight, she was giddy with excitement, and I was on my best behavior.We spent two weeks together under the same roof, in the same bed, spending our time together doing everything like a normal couple would do.We exchanged drawings and other gifts to each other so we could take them back and be reminded of our happiness together.Then it came time for me to leave, we gave our last kiss and hug as we said goodbye and I walked into the security terminal. We exchanged many texts as I sat on on the plane, and we even talked about how we were crying and missing each other already.We kept talking like normal for the first couple of days after I got home, but then I noticed she just acted different, she was becoming distant, at first it was just straight answers when questioned, ''I'm fine'', ''nothing's wrong'', and we started to talk on the phone less, which at the time I could understand because she was out and celebrating her brothers birthday. But then we eventually got into an argument that she apparently didn't like my personality because I always have to correct her, and then we ended up not speaking for days.After nearly three days I figured it was time to talk and eventually got a hold of her, and she was apparently still angry at me, as she would talk to me through texts, and then said that she had fallen out of love with me and couldn't take my sarcastic attitude anymore and said we were over.I tried to get her to talk rationally, but she wouldn't even give me a chance, but knowing her when she's angry she never thinks properly. Eventually she told me to stop talking to her, and we argued a bit more before I finally got fed up that she wasn't even going to give me some respect and not settle on a lowly text-message-breakup. So I angrily said my goodbye and told her how she was acting like a child and stopped talking to her.A few days later she messaged me back apologizing for the way she had acted and disrespected me. We talked (only texts) about why she really left me, and she basically stated that when I left it was like I took our entire history, her love, happiness, sadness, and so on, all with me. I tried to talk to her and incite getting back together, but she said she doesn't feel anything for me at all.Days went by as we exchanged a slight few texts here and there when I finally asked if she ever looks at or holds the things I gave her, and she replied that she does, but doesn't like to because she just feels sad/angry, so I commented on this, that if she doesn't feel anything for me, then why feel those emotions, and I told her that when she looks at them she should feel sad because I wasn't there physically anymore, but happy for all the times we shared and would share once we were united again.By then she just told me to ''stop. shut up!'' and then lastly she said to me ''Goodbye, this is the last time you'll ever hear from me''. When she said that, I immediately tried to call her, but no luck at all.It's been a little over a week now and still no word from her. I texted her a few times after the first day, but since then I haven't.Now I'm just stuck and not sure what to do or expect anymore, I miss hearing her voice and talking with her like we used to.I've talked to friends and family, and they all say there's more fish in the sea, but we just seemed so right together...She was the longest girlfriend I have had, and I was her first lover. I just feel ashamed for it to all go to waste.So am I just getting my hopes up in that she'll return someday?Should I try to contact her one last time or just say bon voyage?Also, I kind of feel like sending her drawing back that she gave me, or should I just put it away?Any advice would be helpful.Thanks.
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female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 I hear you and I really feel where your coming from, I have been through a traumatic life myself, And I have been hurt emotionaly on more than one occassion. I dont normally talk about myself on here but as I can connect with you here I will tell you. I am totally inlove with a man , and have been for 8 yr's. For 2 of them yr's I couldn't eat, sleep, or find the will to do anything without him in my mind. But He played mind games with me, one minute telling me he felt the same, the next telling me maybe in anther life but not this on. And now when I look back Icringe at myself for letting this control my life. Now the way I look at things is if its not meant to be then so be it. I WILL find the right man for one day, but instead of looking for it, or trying too hard with someone who clearly dont feel the same, I know that my Mr right will be inmy life when I least expect it, or looking for him. It will happen when it's meant to happen. I snapped out of it and I know you can snap out of it too. What is it in your life that you really want to do? where do you see yourself in 5 yr's from now? focus on that, focus on doing something for YOU and just you. and I bet on the way you will unexpectantly find Mrs right, and thank God you held out for her xxx
A
male
reader, hopelessdistance +, writes (8 November 2011):
hopelessdistance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat always tends to be easier said than done.
I've been through a lot in my time, especially people; as she's really only the second person I've actually ever cared for in this way.
I have tried putting the past in the past, but it seems that the more I try, the harder it is. Especially when she tends to come into mind, I just become aggravated to the cause.
Nothing seems to help... :S
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (6 November 2011):
yes it looks that way hun. I would let her go her merry way, you have a whole life ahead of you, and in that life you WILL find ther perfect one for you. xx
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A
male
reader, hopelessdistance +, writes (19 August 2011):
hopelessdistance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she just seems to confuse me more and more, the last time we spoke it was a friendly manner, but then I asked her a question and she's back to ignoring me basically.
I'm not really sure what is going on with her anymore, and when I ask she just wants to walk away...
It's like whenever our past is brought up, she just can't handle it.
I still care for her, but seeing her like this makes me think she needs some help, psychologically...
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (19 August 2011):
HI
go with what your heart tells you is a common saying, so on this occasion I would say go with what your mind is teling you, if you feel she is tagging you along o some mind game then she is not the one for you. Your still young and have plenty of time to find the right woman for you .
xx
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A
male
reader, hopelessdistance +, writes (3 August 2011):
hopelessdistance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo here I am again with another update.
So she decided to contact me the other day out of the blue, and told me where she's been, and what she's gone through, and what she's done.
Needless to say, I wasn't surprised by any of this because I knew what was going to happen. Because as I said before she's still in her teens, and teens will be teens.
But even knowing this tidbit, I'm not sure what to feel towards her. I thought that at this point it would be unquestionable to me, but I was actually more confused and disappointed in her; because before I left she promised she wouldn't do certain things - but I guess with me out of the picture, it left her free.
We talked and caught up for a moment, and had our laughs almost like when we were together. Then she sort of sent mixed signals, that she still has some interest in me in a more than friendly manor but doesn't want to pursue it and that what happens, happens.
I've thought about maybe being friends and seeing how things end up, but then I just end up thinking that she's probably tagging me along and I then I start dwelling on how she seems to always break a promise...
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A
male
reader, hopelessdistance +, writes (1 August 2011):
hopelessdistance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, so it's been almost three months since she left, and still for these three months I've still have yet to hear from her.I did write to her about what was on my mind, and how I felt, and did leave it that "the ball is in her court".I thought I'd just update this, as I and a mutual friend between the both of us were catching up, and after he found out what had happened he decided to get in contact with her, and he said that when he made mention of the situation, she seemed to not know an exact answer why she left.Then he suggested to at least talk to me and perhaps stay friends, and then she hung up on him.According to him, she just seemed to be "out of it" basically like a "zombie". Which to me is sad, as I still harbor feelings for her, even if she says she doesn't love me, I'd still like to know she's happy and doing well...I still can't stop thinking of her, and this past month it just seems to be more frequent. Sometimes I wonder how she would react if I managed my way back down to her, but I guess I'll never know unless I do...
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (25 May 2011):
Hi
I would count on her reading your letter, she wouldn't throw it away curiousity would get the better of her, and writing a letter is so much more personal, you would have given it everything you had, and if she dont reply, then at least you know you tried everything hun. You will know what to write, just write from the heart, dont try to use big fancy words, just be yourself. just end it with the ball is in your court, please write back so I know where I stand on this. x
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A
female
reader, iiSparkle +, writes (24 May 2011):
 You can't really do anything, you tried your best to come to terms with her, by admitting your feelings for her and doing your part, if she has decided to go, then let her go. If she really did have feelings for you, which I think she did, she will eventually see sense and come back to you, trust me.
I think she just needs time to herself and think whether or not this is the relationship that is worth fighting for, with the whole distance issue ect.
I understand what you must be feeling, me and my partner are in the same exact position as you, with the whole distnace issue and also coming from different cultures and religions.
I think you just need to remember what you had with her was special and if you really love her then you should tell her affectionately and gently. Maybe there are other things going on in her life that she needs to sort out before she can carry on this relationship with you.
I don't think you should say goodbye just yet, wait a couple of days, weeks and see what happens, maybe all this happened in the heat of things and she thought by saying goodbye to you now was going to make things easier than saying it later down the line.
Hope everything goes well.
Good Luck :)
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A
male
reader, hopelessdistance +, writes (24 May 2011):
hopelessdistance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks.
It's just hard for me to not think of her, as I've done it everyday, even after she had left. I try not to, but it seems that the harder I try, the more I do.
We were so perfect together, I never thought that would ever happen, so I guess I don't want to give up so easily, yet at the same time I end up plagueing myself with questions I know I shouldn't, like how she's doing, or if she's moved on, and so forth.
It just seems very tragic that before and while I was there, her and I used to discuss moving in together; but after I had left, it changed that she wanted to go to college in state and wouldn't be able to move in with me.
I guess writing this stuff down helps me a little, as I've not the friends I used to have.
I really do feel like writing her a letter, it's just I don't know if she'll actually read it, and I just can't seem to put the right words together.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 You say she is younger then you are. Unfortunately, that age issue may be one of the issues at play here.
She might not have been ready for what you were looking for. Especially if you were her first everything, really. If she's young she may not fully know who she is as a person yet and what she's looknig for in life.
And it's true, she may have realized that the distance issue
was not something she could cope with.
Also, relationships that start online in any fashion sometimes have a real uphill battle to live up to once you meet in real life, know what i mean?
I definitely think you should not force the issue. Give her some time and some distance to work things out. If you press too much, any chance the relationship has of being saved definitely goes south.
Give her some time, keep yourself busy... She may come back, but she may not...
I wish you the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, me81 +, writes (24 May 2011):
 This is like a real love story :)... I had that happened to me, and I acted just like your girl... when I find someone perfect for me who makes me happy I don't wanna let him go for nothing, but if the I know that the distance is something I can't change, I would want to not get too attached to him, because I know at the end I would have to say goodbye for sure, so what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we want to save ourselves time and end it early before I'm really hook by him. Something tells me that's what she felt, I can be wrong of course, but I don't think anyone would spend 2 weeks with someone they don't like, I it was me, and I didn't like you at the time I met you, I would of change my departure day and leave early, but she didn't, she had fun and enjoyed the time with you. I think you should just give it time... I know it's hard to do and easy to say, but if you keep pushing her she might think you're desperate and lose respect for you. She decide to say bye to you, so ok, give her time to realize what she had, keep yourself busy and don't over think stuff. Enjoy your time with friends or a new hobby. If you meant something to her, she will call, believe me.Good luck! ;)
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 May 2011):
Hi
Sadly there is nothing more you can do. I think she may be angry because your so far away, and spending them two weeks together was amazing for her, but knowing it would hardly happen often, she has pulled herself away from you. and not in the nicest of ways either, but maybe she feels if she is horrible to you it will be easier for her to get over you. I would just let it be and move on from this, she has made up her mind ( which understandbly is very unfair on you ) but your not going to change it, she can only do that herself. I dont think that there is anyone else involved because she made so much effort to get you in the first place. I suposse the onlything you can do is write her a letter, explaining things, dont make the letter accussing, just tell her how she made you feel, and ask her if there is anyway you could both sort this out. If she still says no or dosen't reply then you will have to move on hun :( but if you ever need to talk, just to get things off your chest inbox me ok I will always be hear to help x
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