A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Due to past relationships, it took me around 10 months to trust my boyfriend fully. I was on his phone the other day, I was using the internet to check my bank account when I found myself on his facebook. I'm not usually one to snoop, but after a girl that used to text him flirty messages commented on his wall, my instincts told me I HAD to find out if he'd messaged her.And I was correct. He had sent her an inbox message, along the lines of "I thought i'd message you on here, you know what *myname* is like :P It was really nice seeing you the other day" and so on. He hadn't told me he'd seen her, or even spoken to her.I regret looking as my trust for him has almost gone. When I saw the wall post, I was laughing about it and he went along with it when he could have said he saw her, and spoke to her. We've talked about it, but my problem is it keeps playing on my mind. I keep thinking 'Has he spoken to or seen her today?' and i'm also thinking who else is he messaging behind my back. It's made me totally paranoid and I keep wanting to snoop through his phone again, which is wrong, and i'm terrified of finding something that will upset me.How can I get over this? Should I take one last look at his phone? He promised me he hasn't spoken to her since but I'm not so sure. We've been together 18 months.
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female
reader, me81  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Ugh... I hate when this happen.... Girl just tell him what you found out, and see his reaction, I think you should definately give him a break to sort things out, he's trying to be an smart ass and play the field, you don't need that. So, talk to him and take a break, he needs to make the effort to win back your trust, he cannot have it that easy darling.
Good luck ;)
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Hi
I would just tell him all, and tell him how this is making you feel. Also why is he telling people what you are or not like? I dont think he would be doing anything other than talking to this, he obviously knows that trust is a big issue and didn't want to make a big deal out of it, after all he only said it was great seeing you the other day. The best way to get over this is by talking to your partner, because unless you can express yourself to him, this will continue to play over and over in your mind, untill you end up making a mountain out of a mole hill. And may regret saying things you dont mean. xx
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 May 2011):
 sounds like he's playing you both off each other.you can't get over it.snooping got you info that now leads to lack of trust. TRUST is the most critical thing in a relationship...if you think he's messaging behind your back he might as well be... you won't believe him if he says he's not...if you tell him you need proof and he balks, you have your answer... so in front of the computer without his having time to delete stuff... ask to see his facebook messages.IF he starts with "don't you trust me?" and stuff you say "no I don't" if he won't let you see, he's hiding something.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (24 May 2011):
If my girlfriend was talking about me like that behind my back, with a guy who is flirting with her, there is no way I could pretend nothing is going on.You suspected something was going on, you snooped and you found what you were looking for. Once you have gone past that line, you either need to break up, or talk about it and find out just what exactly is going on. Maybe I misunderstood your message but it sounds like he is seeing this girl behind your back?
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