A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My daughter's birthday is coming up Monday October 26. She will be 28 years old and she and I don't talk, her decision, not mine. She moved out June 08 and only speaks to my sister. I'm torn whether to send her a birthday card or just ignore it. I've had advice from a variety of people whether to send the card or not, and I'm still undecided. Should I be the better person and send her the card. I've also had advice if I mail the card put a little letter in the card expressing how I feel and try to get her to talk to me.I need advice. HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): Hello. Your question hit close to home for me. My mother and I had differences and lost 3 years of time we could have spent with each other and now as a step-mother to a beautiful 13 year old girl, I felt compelled to respond because this hit close to home. My daughter's biological mother abandoned her when she was 2. I came into her life at 6.... a year later her mother returned and wanted to be a part of her life. It's been an ongoing battle for years. Her mother doesn't make the effort to see her or call her until the holiday season arrives. All year long however, she's MIA. Recently my stepdaughter decided to shut her out completely. The holiday's are nearing and as it happens her birthday was on the 21st of October. On that day my stepdaughter was a mess. She stared at the phone all day wondering if she would hear from her mother. When she didn't, she checked the mail for a card...NOTHING. She cried.... although she had made the decision to shut her mother out, she still anticipated an effort on her mothers behalf. When I spoke to her she said she just wanted her mother to know that if she really wanted to be a part of her life, she'd be willing to give her another chance. My point is.... every family has their issues. I don't know what the problems are between your daughter and youself but at the end of the day, no matter how far she travels to get away from you, she is still and always will be your daughter. SEND HER THE CARD.... You'll be glad you did and even if she's too proud to admit it, so will she. One day when she's ready she'll think back to her birthday and know that despite your differences you were there. As for your own health, don't anticipate anything. Know that when you sent it... it was simply a way to let your daughter know you remembered and that the woman that brought her into this world still loves her.
A
male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Just send the Card - one more day that passes is another day too long! Stubbornness has no winners, only losers!
Even if she does not respond, continue to send cards until one day when she is old enough to realise how childish this all is, will she submit to your persistence and thank you for it!
Life really is too short to hold grudges - if anything happens to either one of you prematurely, you will regret not doing what you should have done, for the rest of your life.
Good luck - I hope all turns out well...
Steve
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (20 October 2009):
 I never grew up with a dad and its a horrible feeling being without a parent. It was my dad's choice not mine to leave but its so sad when parents cannot fulfil their duties to their kids.
Remember as kids we didnt ask to be born. Its our parents duty to show us the better way.
Regardless of what your daughter is like, she is still YOUR BLOOD AND YOUR DAUGHTER. Please send her the card. It doesnt matter if she doesnt appreciate it least you did your duty as a dad.
By you having these feelings shows you still care for her.
DO IT, send the card. Never miss her birthday.
goodluck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): One day your daughter may be thinking. Shall i put the old cow in a home or turn the garage into a little flat.
Her hubby wants to put a pool table in there.
I would buy the card.
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A
female
reader, lastdinosaur +, writes (20 October 2009):
 I think you should bury the hatchet. Send the card. You can't go through your whole life worrying about how things "could have been" with your daughter. Tell her how you feel, swallow your pride and send the card and letter. I'm sure it would start back a relationship with her you once had.
-L.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, I will take your advise. I have nothing to lose, either I'll get my daughter back or I won't.
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A
female
reader, babymama99  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Absoulutely send the card. A birthday is not only the day she was born but also the day you gave her life. Maybe this step on your part will be a new beginning also.
If all else fails, at least you tried.
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A
female
reader, BehindThese HazelEyes +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Well I can relate to you because my father and I were in the same situation just a few months ago. We began to slowly reconnect beecause he came to me apologizing for how he treated me in the past. Whyd she stop talking to you? He is now going to be a grandfather, I am 3 months pregnant. If it helps, maybe the two of you could go see counselor? I havent fully forgiven him but its taking time. send a letter saying how you feel and in time, maybe she'll want to have a relationship with you again. I finally realized life was too short to live with grudges and regrets, and I didnt want to wake up one day and have someone tell me he had passed away, ad not have him in my life all those years. Youll regret it and so will she. in the end, its all up to her...but atleast you can say you tried...good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): Yes, send the card - and put that letter in it. Marriedlady is absolutely right in everything she says.
I would cut out the 'better person' attitude if I were you though as that's bound to cause resentment if she gets wind of it. Life is indeed too short to let this sort of thing fester. You never know what's around the corner or what might happen in the next five minutes. Once someone is gone from this world it's far too late for regrets and apologies.
It's an old cliche, but it's a good thing you can choose your friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): I think you should send the card. I wouldn't try to force her to talk to to you or say anything to overt. If it was her decision to stop talking she will have to make the decision to start again. Just write a nice note in the card and see how she responds.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): Absolutely, she is your daughter afterall. If it were me I would still try to work on keeping communication lines open in the face of adversity. She still needs to know you love and care about her.
Don't question it; just do it:).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): send the card. Every occasion that warrants it. Life is too short and uncertain to live with regrets. Even if she mails it back. Send and send and send. How would you feel if you got (god forbid) news of her death. Would you regret trying or not trying? Good luck sweetie, as a mother i know that this is a tough one.
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