A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. This might seem an unusual problem for some.I've always known my husband is quite flexible when it comes to sexuality. In college he told me he had a friend that he experimented with on numerous occasions and it never bothered me. Infact I was never really interested.The strange thing is, recently as I've gotten older the more I think about it the more the thought of it turns me on. I kinda want him to tell me about it now and of recent I have been fantasizing about watching him and his best friend exchanging favors.He has often told me that if he was turned on enough and it was ok he'd do it again. and I find myself wondering if it would be right for me to get him and his friend a little drunk and horny so they do it, while I watch.When I think of doing this I get very turned on but then looking back later I think its wrong of me to even consider tricking them like that. And I think how it would seem if he did it to me and another woman.I don't think I'm a bad person, but I can't stop thinking about this little fantasy.Would it be wrong? What do you guys think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2020): He told you he'd do it again, but what are that chances his best friend is game, even if drunk. I think it would be real hard in your circle of straight friends to find him a partner.
Don't think a stranger would be a healthy choice. I had an old girlfriend with fantasies like yours, I would just make up stuff about pleasing a muscle bound bully from the gym. It drove her nuts. Your husband has some real stories to tell.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (19 February 2020):
 The amount of times that situations like this end up ruining a marriage, are far too many to count here on DC, in particular.
This is a marriage, not a fling, not just some relationship that may end anyway... A marriage! You may want to consider what may possibly be at risk should this Fantasy not play out exactly how you imagine it, in your head because let's be honest, fantasies are often better off kept as just fantasies. This will probably change your marriage in one way or another and quite possibly;not for the better.
You're probably expecting some no-stribgs attached hook-up between your husband and this person... But you know, sometimes strings attach. Sometimes marriages end over this stuff. Have you thought of that? Of the possibility of your marriage ending? Because it actually is a possibility. Ask others on DC that have come here mourning the end of their relationships as they know them to be because of these fantasies that they let escape fantasy land and enter the real world without actually thinking it through.
You clearly haven't thought this through. I suggest you get to thinking.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 February 2020):
 I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’re thinking. Everyone has a fantasy that they’d love to play out don’t they? But the majority of the time that’s the place where it very much needs to stay.
The amount of posts we’ve seen here from people introducing a third member into the bedroom that’s ended in disaster is staggering. They usually end up in affairs where the third member and one of the partners get a bit too carried away and continue things on the side etc.
Is this sexual fantasy really worth risking your marriage?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2020):
 Other DearCupiders have touched on how in a vast majority of case sexual fantasies should remain precisely that- fanasies, because when turned into reality tehy are likely either to result lackluster and disapponting, or open a Pandora's box of unforesen consequences. Or both.
So I want to focus more on another aspect of your post, i.e. the idea of " tricking " your husband into a threesome.
Well… why do you have to " trick" him ? Getting him drunk in the hope he then gets wild and does stuff , is disloyal, manipulative and therefore immoral, but it is also superfluous. I mean, he is your husband, right ? You know each other, you are sexual partners, you don't stand on ceremony with each other: you can communicate, you can tell each other stuff, even private, confide each other your fantasies, your kinks… Maybe he would be quite happy to make this fantasy come alive with you, or at least he can start considering it for the future ,for when he feels ready. No need to be sneaky, if two people can have sex together they should also be able to talk about sex and tell each otehr what they would like.
Of course, there is the possibility that he has changed tastes and desires since his college days, and that he answers with a firm : no way . Then you must respect that, and stop altogether with your foolish plans of " tricking " him. You should not even °think° in these terms , let alone do it. Suppose that there's some sexual act that you dislike and don't want to do, say, anal sex. How much would you appreciate if your husband got you drunk with the sole intent to sodomize you undisturbed ??!!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 February 2020):
 In your fantasy you have complete control over what happens between your husband and his friend. In reality it would be very different. If they got really "into" each other, you could end up feeling very insecure in your relationship.
Leave fantasy as fantasy. Perhaps talk to your husband and get him to "talk dirty" about what he got up to with his friend, but leave the actual sex between the two of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2020): If I am not mistaken I think that the experience you are refering to is between two males. Why dont you talk to your husband about this fantacy, maybe he no longer fancies having same sex sex. During adolescence guys are curious to try any kind of sexual activity to release the mounting sexual tension in their bodies..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2020): "Would it be wrong? What do you guys think?"
The adage "The idle-mind is the devil's playground," comes to mind! You need something more constructive and family-friendly to occupy your thoughts!
We live in a porn-addicted/porn-saturated era; and there is almost nothing people leave to the imagination anymore. I'm never shocked by what I see or hear.
You can almost visualize the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah at their peak in sexual-perversion; and almost everyone so uninhibited that nothing was off-limits. They could see nothing wrong with doing whatever popped into their sordid and demented little brains; until their civilization became so morally-twisted, it came to calamity and ruin. Fire and brimstone wiped them out! God just couldn't stomach those cities anymore! Lot asked if God would spare a few citizens, if he could find at least 10 folk who weren't totally nasty. Lot came-up zilch! It just became too much! Many want to write this off as nothing more than mythical religious-tripe. I happen to believe it! Just how far, is too far? Divorce is the continuous and incurable pandemic threatening the institution of marriage! Broken-families are more normal, than those that stay in-tact! Two-parent households are an endangered species. I venture to speculate that more daddies than mommies like to watch porn!
Fantasy is usually harmless, but reality is unpredictable. You even have to keep fantasy under control; because everything that comes to mind shouldn't outta be there!!! Once actions are set in motion; the outcome doesn't always end as we expect or hope it will. You might beat fate a few times; but she's playful and sneaky. She's the gambler's muse. She draws you in deeper and deeper! Until she snags you; and smashes you to bits! The devil is beside himself with joy! Hurrah...another marriage destroyed by blurring the lines between fantasy and reality!
Seems our society can't leave anything to fantasy, or the imagination; we've got to act it all out. You can't hit pause, reverse, or delete...once it's done, it's done!
Hey, I'm gay, and I'd be the last one to judge or condemn others for their morals. I know one thing. When you start playing with boundaries around your marriage or romantic-relationships, and start sharing with outsiders; the bond that holds you together will break. That's because greediness and entitlement is what makes us do bad things to our relationships in the first-place. We want someone to love, we get him or her; then that's not enough!
Someone almost always comes along, who wants what you have; or the one you, have can't get enough of the taste of the forbidden-fruit. Threesomes are what you experiment with in college. Once you find someone who becomes that special-one...girlfriend, you don't mess with it! There's always somebody out there who thinks they're better for your man, than you are! They will do everything they can to convince him of it!
Time, and time, and time again; I've witnessed it as it happened to people I've known, and a story like yours comes to DC more often then I care to admit. Each usually ends predictably. Either they become attached to someone else; or they catch their significant-other cheating. Worse-case scenario, one or the other falls in-love with an outsider. Then comes regret when it's too late. It's terrible when they happen to also have kids! How do you explain why mommy and daddy split-up? "Oh, they decided to have threesomes. Daddy fell in-love with his best-friend, Mike!"..."Mommy found this guy on-line, and she just couldn't get him out of her mind!"
You can't get it out of your head? It doesn't do much harm as long as that's where is stays. You decide to create your own real-time porn show; you had better be prepared for whatever jumps out of that Pandora's Box.
It takes only one stupid move, and your marriage is destroyed. I hope that's scary enough to get the idea out of you head. If not...go ahead. We'll be around. I promise not to say "I told-ya so!" Yeah, there's a lot of people who'll tell you how great it is. Tic-toc goes the countdown clock! The devil is the king of liars, he'll convince you it's alright; as long as it feels good! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
If this all seems ominous, that was my intention. I hope the aunts and uncles might save your marriage.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 February 2020):
 ye Gods! What could go wrong? This is not as unusual a fantasy as you might think, there are numerous submissions to this site from those who have acted out their particular fantasies and are now frantic to try and get their marriage back on track.
Beware! Down that path lie many pitfalls and quicksand. Proceed at your own risk.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2020):
 Stick to the fantasy in your head.
Seriously. As fantasies goes, it's pretty tame.
The reason I would NOT suggest you try this is because YOU haven't thought it through, not past the "mini porn" you have created in your head. You have NO idea what could happen next, what YOU started.
SO what that he "experimented" in college? Doesn't mean he should now put on a "dog and pony show" for you, NOR that he WANTS to.
And let's say this happens. It doesn't turn out good. For him OR for you. Your marriage starts to deteriorate and either off you will use this as the reason WHY. OR your husband now wants YOU to do XYZ for him with "whomever" - or he wants to swing or have an open marriage.. whatnot.
You need to take a few and consider that ADDING another person to your bedroom and marriage WILL have consequences and for most people (and I have seen a LOT of these people with REGRETS posting on here) it's something they wished they had NEVER suggested.
Fantasies are NOT reality. Ever. Nor is life some kind porn or movie.
Take a few and consider HOW you want your marriage to be.
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