A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started a new job nine months ago. I come from a very different background (many aspects) from my employers. I’m female and relatively young (mid 30s) versus my employers (group of men aged mid 50s-60s).They hired me for my experience which is pretty unique and hard to come across people that have it.I work hard every day and put in 40% more than my contemporaries. I love what I do and I try really hard to be good at it.Thing is I get told by these guys that I’m too straight laced, they love that I work to a high standard (the type of work I do means that I have to) but it’s at odds with their ways. They’d rather I coasted a bit more, let some things slide through the net, not try to get some things done. They make it difficult for me to implement much of what they brought me in to do.I always thought that trying to do a good job was no shame. They pay me well to do it but it feels like they would rather I kinda just play acted at it a bit more. I was really optimistic when I started working for them but now I just feel like the young woman who is inconvenient because I actually try to do some stuff.One of them frequently refers to how young I am although I have 20 years experience in my job. In fact he uses the word ‘young’ as a suffix to my name.Starting to think I’m not a cultural fit. They are doing things they way they were done ten years ago and I come from a much more up to date background.I feel like I’m treading on egg shells and I’m expending a lot of energy to make it work. Any advice?
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male
reader, Gmelin8  +, writes (20 February 2020):
Office politics are usually more important than job skills. I know a talented executive who refused to promote the CEO's child and instead appointed another employee he thought was more qualified. The CEO fired him, demoted the other employee and promoted his child. That child eventually became the CEO of the company. After a few years the executive became the CEO of a much larger company.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2020):
 Probably my view won't be that popular, anyway here it is :
you are an employee, not a partrner of the company. You have been hired, no doubt because of your excellent qualifications , with the expectation that you'll do the very good job, which I don't doubt you are doing,... but *according to* the policies, practices and vision of the people who actually own and manage the place.
In my country we have a proverb which says " Tie the donkey to where its owner wants it "- its equivalent in English could be ,he who pays the piper chooses the music. ( And why shouldn't he ?!).
You get paid to do something, at the best of your knowledge and ability yes, because you are a professional and an honest person,- but this "best of your knowledge etc. " must be of THEIR liking. If their ways are outdated , their attitude all wrong in your eyes … then found your own
company and hire the people who will work for you according to your own ideas and specifications. But as long as you accept money from them- their input , their wishes and their ways COUNT, and have the right to count ; you can't just dismiss them because , in your mind , " you know better ". ( Btw , mid 30s and you have 20 years of experience ?! ...what do you do ?... Just curious ).
Of course this does not mean you are a slave, or a puppet, - Hopefully, among intelligent people who have the same
final goals, one can always reach a compromise, suggest
some adjustment and be met part of the way.
But if your level of frustration and maladjustement is such that not having things just your way makes work become a big
punishment ,then perhaps you should quit and look for
another working environment you feel more in tune with.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 February 2020):
 Why would you object to them referring to you as "young"? It is hardly an insult and you ARE young compared to THEM. One of our colleagues is referred to as "Young'un" in the office as he was 16 when he started working with us. He is now 22 and is still called the same, even though we now have a couple of people who are younger than him. Unless it is said in a way to make you feel inferior, then I see no problem with being referred to as "young". (Trust me, these days, if someone refers to ME as "young", they are being ironic!)
I can totally understand you wanting to do your job to the best of your ability. Is there someone in charge you can have an informal chat with to discuss your concerns? You can't just walk into a company which has been going for years and expect to magically change things overnight because you have a better way of doing things. People can be precious about their work methods, not to mention insecure about some "young" employee coming in with new methods, even if they ARE supposed to benefit the company as a whole. Not having a clue what you do, it is difficult to offer specific advice but can you perhaps demonstrate to the "non-believers" how your methods and ways of doing things benefit them? Perhaps it frees up their time for fee earning work, or enables them to have quicker turnaround times for their projects?
Perhaps a LITTLE loosening up on your part might help things run more smoothly for you? Have a bit of a laugh about being so particular in what you do. Perhaps jokingly say something like "Get with the times, daddio" when they rib you about doing things differently (only you know if this would be appropriate in your work environment).
Given that you love what you do, it's worth trying to fit in with these "old school" colleagues, unless you can easily get a similar job elsewhere in an environment which makes you more comfortable.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 February 2020):
 From a different view point could it be they are concerned about you perhaps burning out and want you to just relax a little.
You can ask them not to preface your name with the word "young" please as it makes you feel uncomfortable.
There could be a language barrier between you and the middle aged guys, especially if you are the first female to be employed in the role. Where they believe they are being jovial and paternal "young Emma" you hear them being condescending.
Maybe the best thing would be to have a heart to heart with your direct supervisor or manager and if you still feel the same in a few months start looking for a new job.
I hope it can be resolved amicably.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2020): I think you're a threat to them and they want to make you less that you are, so that they don't have to pull their socks up to match you!
With this in mind, I would smile knowingly at them every time they try to reduce your success, but say nothing and ignore them and carry on doing what you're doing. Oh and when some old git tries to patronise you by calling you 'young' before your name, reply to him with 'old' before his. Should shut him up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2020): Oh, BTW, I'm multi-racial...Greek-Moroccan-American father, and my mother was 100% Native Indigenous American. On top of being a gay-male! How's that for a minority?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2020): The first thing people want to do when things get a little uneasy is bailout. Why do you feel you have to listen to these men? Will you run every-time you're surrounded by a few nincompoops???
My niece is just a little younger than you. She is an electrical-engineer. She was surrounded by mostly men from college, to grad-school, and has been throughout her career. Never once has she complained or allowed men (or women) to make her feel they had any control over the love and dedication she has for her job. She runs into tough-spots here and there; as everyone does on a job. If you work with people, you also experience human-nature, their faults, and bad-attitudes. Do you up and run, or do you stand your ground? You go from one place to another, and you'll just get another set of people with a new set of issues. What you're facing is the good ole boy's club, and that's how they keep women, minorities, gays, and immigrants in our places!
Plant your feet, and you stick it out, girlfriend!!!
Come-on, what kind of crap is someone telling you to skate on your job? Why would you even stand for it? You have 20 years in your field? This is the first and only time you've encountered this kind of thing? When will you learn to take-charge, and push-on no matter what anybody says? Are you going to let people decide your future and your destiny, or are you going to be the one to decide?
I'm gay. I worked for the same international corporation for years; and only got promoted to manager. I watched younger straight-guys with wives and kids with less experience (and nowhere near my expertise) climb the corporate ladder. I never came-out at work. Does my sexual-orientation have anything to do with how I do my job? I was always questioned by nosy middle-aged women, why a handsome guy like me hasn't found a good-wife? None of their damned business!!!
I relentlessly focused on my career; until I'm now the Regional Director. As corporate powers that be shifted, and more women took over, my talents became recognized. Those men see your spunk and youth as a threat; and they fear your becoming their boss! They'd love to see you high-tail-it and run! Bunch of old geezers!
My advice? Tell them stop referring to you as a kid and respect you as they want to be respected. You will give it 300%! If they want to drag their bottoms on the carpet, let them have at it. Open your mouth and use your words! Set your boundaries, and set them straight! You open the door for other women in your field. Yes, you have that responsibility.
YOU DO YOUR JOB TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY, AND YOU STAY PUT!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2020):
 Stick it out for another 3 months then start looking for another work place.
You are just not a good fit. I don't think you should compromise on your standards and quality of work because THEY like to "slack" here and there.
I think this is a round hole square peg situation and you are the peg. Which means... no matter WHAT you do you won't really fit in, not in this company.
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