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Should I tell my teacher I have feelings for him?...

Tagged as: Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 November 2007) 12 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have a slight problem...I really like my teacher! I know there are lots of these questions about but I really need an answer!

Well ever since I've known him I've had feelings for him. It started off just a small crush but over the past two years they've gotten stronger. I can't call it a crush anymore, and I feel that I love him. And now I feel the need to tell him. Maybe not that I love him, just that I have feelings for him. I know and understand that nothing will happen between us and I really don't want to risk him losing his job and even family. But I really need to get it off my chest. I love being around him and we have so much in common. We always have a laugh and get on really well. I have tried so hard to stop these feelings but nothing has helped and I'd much rather just being friends but I can't help it!

If I tell him I'm scared that he'll go all awkward with me and ignore me which would break my heart. But also scared that if I don't tell him, this feeling will stay with me for ever becuase it's starting to affect my life. I often leave school crying becuase I'm so confused and can't tell anyone, and I don't concentrate in any lessons which doesn't help as I'm taking GCSE's this year.

So should I tell him? Should I leave it?

Thanks

x

View related questions: crush, my teacher

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011):

I guess I know how you feel I have feelings for my teacher. And it feels horrible because I can't tell him. And the questions in my head hunt me everyday I see him does he like me too?" what if I tell him?" would he be mad?" i think it's better to move on because to be honest it will be easier due to the simple fact that that teacher could loose his job. I feel like it's better to just keep it to yourself because you don't want to get hurt by his rejection and all that.

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A female reader, loverandfighter474 United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2011):

I know this is all so confusing for you, but you really shouldn't tell him. No matter how much you think you love him it's not love. Trust me, I loved my teacher too and it broke my heart. I dont want you to break yours.

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A female reader, hello,iamhere United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2010):

um heyy... i just joined, and i wanted to try and help you.

im only 14, but im a bit messed up too. between you and me, i really like my friend that i rejected three years ago and he was crushed. now hes moved on, so fail for me. but aanyway.

this must be really hard for you. im sure you do have proper deep feelings for him but you cant, repeat cant, tell him or follow this up. nothing can happen, or he'll lose his job. you never know, he may have a family or at least a gf (or maybe even a boyfriend) and this would just be humiliating. oh and uncomfortable, for both of yous.

its just a crush really, babe. you will have a boyfriend your own age someday, maybe really soon, and youll forget all about this guy. youll get over him - i mean, be honest with yourself, have you ever had a proper honest talk with him about anything other than school work?

i hope i helped :) good luck!!

x

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A female reader, caralj United Kingdom +, writes (13 December 2009):

i had exactly the same situation i posted a note under his door saying someone has a crush on him but it went to far so just leave it x hope i helped

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009):

I know what your going through, i had a huge crush on my sisters grade 6 teacher and at that time i was in grade 8 so since he was moving cities and i was going off to high school that was that last chance i had to tell him.

So at the end of the day i when to go find him and i gave him a hug talked to some friends before and i waited until people were not around us so i pull him to the side and im like " Hey can i tell you something?" he says "sure" " im like i kind of have a crush on you..." the teacher says " oh you shouldn't have told me that" i know i shouldn't have but i needed to or else it would have been stuck in my head until the next time i saw him.

Im in grade 10 now he moves back to where i live, this time he is teaching at my friends sisters school so im like great here comes that memories i just got rid of them during the summer,so i see him i say hey how are you and stuff like that i ask him for a hug and that was that.

So you might want to think about telling him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008):

I think you need pyschatric help if you're CRYING when you're leaving school! Sorry, but it' true!

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A female reader, demolition-lovers United Kingdom +, writes (8 August 2008):

demolition-lovers agony auntI wouldn't tell him how you feel because it'll just put him in a awkward position and if he takess it serious he will report it which gets worst..leaving you embarassed. And it will risk his career...Would you risk him on his career if you love him? If you love him you will not do anything risk his career.

Its better to keep to yourself or speak to a counsiller.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

I know exactly what your going through! i love my history teacher so much and i have no idea what to do, there's such an age differance in between us, but i think he has feelings for me to. I've been searching everywhere for the answer, and i think i've finnally found it...

you should tell your clossest friends if you think you can trust them and if you think that they can keep a secret. write a diary to help let your feelings out, it's helping me. think it through, if you feel you definatle have strong feelings for him, tell him on your last day, that way if all doesn't go so well, you will never have to see him again, but if all goes well, and he has the same feelings for you, then all is good.

but not before your last day, because he could loose his job because it's illegal! and if you love him, you will put him first!

good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008):

hey ... i know exactly what your going through right now... i too have deep, strong feelings for my teacher. but i dont know if i should tell him either. one thing i have decided is to tell him after i graduate... i respect him enough not to put him in an awkward position. (e.g. in which he doesnt want to hurt my feelings but at the same time risk his career and reputation) there is a lot to consider before you actually tell someone something significant like that leave alone a teacher. well one thing i have to ask, are you in highschool? if your are then graduate then confess, that way nobody does anything illegal. secondly, does he show any type of interest in you, unusual interest that you dont see him giving to others.. this can be tricky since your mind can assume and play tricks on you so observe and use tactics to find out .( that way you save your self with the right type of mindset towards the reaction your going to get ... so no expectations are let down etc. etc.)

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A female reader, Tevote Australia +, writes (16 February 2008):

Tevote agony auntI don't know that you should tell him yet, maybe wait until you're leaving school. Or if he ever leaves tell him that way there wont be as much stress. If you want to tell him now...I guess the best way would be to tel him face to face privately. He probably wont have the greatest reaction, then again he might actually feel the same way. It may be a little easier telling him face to face, as you can sort it out. Instead of it being akward if you wrote him a letter now. BUt if u do decide to tell him when you're leaving I think a letter would be the perfect thing, unless you want to live in the moment then tell him face to face. Good luck and I hope all goes well.

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A female reader, Mistify South Africa +, writes (16 November 2007):

Mistify agony auntYou should definitely NOT tell him.

You are clearly aware of all the risks and none of them are good.

So - i have a suggestion.

Why not write all these feelings you have for him in a letter.

Make it VERY detailed. Tell him exactly how you feel about him, and what your ultimate situation would be like. Tell him why you 'love' him, and why you think he likes you.

Then, neatly fold the letter, seal it with a kiss, even spray some perfume on it, and then put it in your pocket. Walk around with it for a bit, deciding on how, and when you would like to give this to him. Imagine How he will react when he receives this letter. Envision how akward class will be after he's read your letter. Envision how his family, and the school board will react if they hear about this letter. Then envision how he would feel towards you for causing him this distress.

AND THEN - go somewhere private, on your own, take some matches or a lighter, and BURN the letter. As you stand there watching the letter burn, physically breath in deeply, and breath out hard. LET GO of all these feelings - the good and the bad. Get yourself to be in the exact moment you are. AND JUST LET IT GO.

This type of physical and mental re-enactment will help you get rid of most of the feelings. You may still ponder on them for a while, but if you just practice LETTING go, you will eventually get there.

Good luck...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007):

I'm in the same situation. I have strong feelings for my teacher. Well, just my teacher is married with a baby on the way. I think he likes me either platonically or romantically. it goes back and forth. I don't cry about it.

You need to talk to someone, like your best friend or write in a journal.

Even though i do have strong feelings for my teacher, i know that i'll find someone better. AND YOU WILL TOO!

There are lot of great guys out there. You just haven't found him yet.

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