A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think my sister's boyfriend is gay.I had met him before she got together with him, and plain just assumed he was. He is very very camp, his voice, the way he acts and jokes, it would be right to assume he had to come out as straight. When my sister brought him home my parents said they thought he was gay too! She is really happy, so do I just stay quiet? Is the line of metrosexual/gay male becoming so blurred that straight guys seem gay now? Do I just let it be and assume she would get mad if I said something to her? What if I'm right and she gets hurt? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): You really shouldn't say anything. Don't joke about it either.
I have a close friend who had dated an "apparently gay" man for the past 5 years. Everyone upon meeting him assumes he's gay. Even other gay men are indignant when he introduces her as his girlfriend. Personally, I believe he's at least bisexual, but so long as he's good to my friend( and he is), I don't feel the impulse or feel I have the right to correct her impression of him. It's arrogant to think you can.
I firmly believe that if two people manage to get along and claim they love each other, then it is malicious to try to pick it apart. Unless they are hurting themselves or you have evidence that he's cheating on her, you don't really have a right to question the authenticity of their love. For whatever reason.
Even if you are correct and he is gay, then let them at least make their own mistakes. I've witness this happen too...my sister divorced her husband of 7 years right before she came out...BIG shock to me as I had never thought of her as "gay." Goes to show you how much you can know someone.
And another thing to keep in mind is that if he does tend to read as gay, she's going to hear "your boyfriend's gay" from someone else all the time. She's probably already heard it before.
Since you're family why not be supportive? At least that way when she complains to you, you can honestly ask her, "well do you think he's gay?" And you take the conversation from there. Don't attempt to correct her impressions or question the validity of their relationship.
A
female
reader, okanrd112  +, writes (10 February 2011):
Well, my boyfriend is a hairstylist. I thought he was gay for the first few weeks I knew him and thought his advances towards me were so weird! He's not gay. I assure you. I had my suspicions for a while, clearly-- So I hounded him and hounded him about possibly even being bi-sexual. I let him know that I supported him if he was-- and he swears he's completely straight. I actually do believe him. I have 4 brothers. They thought he was wayyyyy gay from the get go. After they have spent time with him they like him. He's just different than they are. He has different interests. I don't know. Maybe try to get to know the guy a little more. Give it some more time. Take a proactive approach to solving this mystery. Worst case scenario, your sister still has you for support. :)
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (9 February 2011):
 Do you just stay quiet? YES! Unless and until you have cast-iron evidence that he is gay, you should say nothing.
Your sister won't thank you for voicing your concerns. Better to let her figure out her relationship for herself.
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A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (9 February 2011):
 I wouldn't say anything. I think you can joke and say "he's kind of feminine" ..if you and your sister are close..just to see what she says. But truth is, you're not the one dating him. She knows him better than you do for sure and if he is gay I'm sure she'll figure it out. If he isnt and you say something like that; most likely your sister is going to be pretty upset with you
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 If he is she'll figure it out on her own. There are occasions when it's reasonable to speak up with concerns -- if you know the guy to be an abuser or some such. This isn't one of those situations. You can't protect her from all the hurts in the world -- if it happens it will be another learning experience for her.
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