A
female
age
36-40,
*indah
writes:He cheated on me with a girl that treats him like shit. But he keeps coming saying he misses me and he knows that I'm the one. Recently, we got back together and that one girl he cheated on me with wants to be back with him. I didn't cry as he's telling me all this, telling me that he's confused and that when he's with her He cries the whole night because he doesn't want to hurt me but he still loves me and he's only talking her because of her kid that he loves that isn't his. I'm lost and confused and it hurts. I don't know what to do. I feel like if he does really love me than I shouldn't give up. I should fight for the man I love but than at the same, I don't know. It really hurts and I'm so confuse.
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (10 February 2011):
do you believe he's telling the truth when he says he's only with her cos of her kid, and that he cries for you all night when he's with her?
He could be lying about that.
But let's say he's telling the truth.
Then that makes him really weak and wishy washy and confused. And also I would question his integrity too.
If you fight for a guy like this and you win him back, don't you think it's possible that the fact that he's so weak and wishy washy and confused means he won't stay with you for long or he'll keep bouncing back and forth between you and her?
if you choose to fight for him, you may be fighting a never-ending battle....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): Oh boo hoo hoo, poor guy :'(
OP all the others have already said it all, the guy is the lowest of the low, he's absolutely pathetic, he makes up excuse after excuse but at the end of the day if he loved you he wouldn't have cheated on you and left you.
It's guys like him that ruin this world for others, they think they can do what they like, hurt who they want then play the victim and people fall for it, he is a pathetic little runt, he's a liar, he now wants to make you his bit on the side and he's not worth another minute of your time. How did you ever get involved with this slimy little weasel in the first place? Stop letting him play with your emotions OP, he's full of shit, he says lots of things doesn't he? But what do his actions say OP? Words mean nothing.
I love you Lindah, I really, truly think you're amazing.
You see? Bullshit! I don't know you and I don't love you at all and saying that I do doesn't make it so, does it? No it doesn't, if actually loved you then I'd have to prove it with actions, wouldn't I? So why are you ignoring his actions when they so blatantly say "I have no respect for you Lindah, you are dirt that I will use and throw away at my leisure, I don't love you but I like having you around"
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A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 As much as I can agree that this guy sounds like a douche, at the end of the day, you are quite messed up as well, because you can't see the forest for the trees. If you are going to decide anything, you need to be able to rationalize why or why not you are going to do something.
Since when did fighting for garbage or a piece of crap become the in thing to do? All joking aside, where does this logic come from?
I'll take a different angle than CaringGuy...Do you want to know what's messed up in all this...a lot...here it goes:
Is it messed up that he cheated on you to begin with?
Yes.
Is it messed up that he cheated on you with someone who apparently treated him like sh!t?
Yes.
Well at least she got something right, right?
Yes.
Is it messed up that you want to fight for a cheater who apparently has self-esteem issues as well?
Yes.
Is it messed up that despite how messed up he is, he's still able to get some tail on the side?
Yes.
And yet you still want that back?
Yes.
Is it messed up that he put his penis in another woman's vagina and that you make no mention or concern about STDs?
Yes.
Is it messed up that by your age you have not outgrown adolescent-type thinking?
Yes.
Is it messed up that despite him putting his penis somewhere else, he continues to talk to her and yet you still want this turd back?
Yes.
Is it messed up that he moves his lips and says a few words and he has you dazed and confused despite ACTIONS and facts to the contrary?
Sure is.
Is it messed up that you place any value whatsoever on this verbal diarrhea especially considering the source?
Oh hell yeah.
Is it messed up that you are still lost and confused despite the salient facts that you have given?
Certainly is.
Is it messed up that you do not appear to be able to remove emotion from the equation for even a millisecond to see the salient facts before you?
Ditto.
Is it messed up that you may still be potentially sexually active with this turd given his apparent confusion?
Yes.
Is it messed up to think that you may be making yourself out to be a victim for a long time to come.
A scary yes.
Is it messed up that he subjects you to this crap?
Yes.
Is it even more messed up that you continue to eat it all up?
Yes.
Is is messed up that you care to even deal with all this drama?
Yes.
Is it messed up that by the time you figure out this guy is a total douche and break up or probably get cheated on or dumped again by him that you will be too messed to partake in a healthy relationship with a man who would respect you?
Depends, but likely tragic, likely for any new guy, let alone a decent guy.
Anyway, CaringGuy already told you the score, I hope I got that brain of yours to start thinking a little more.
Just as you would exercise your body, so to must we exercise our brains...hence...the requirement for a good education, especially for those not getting anything at home. Specifically, relationship intelligence, something most of us lack and is simply not taught in schools. In the absence of such, so many get totally messed up in their views, perceptions, and relationship logic. It really is tragic to a large degree, the consequences of which take their toll on self-esteem and relationships and marriages now and well into the future.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 It sounds to me like your man is very confused indeed. Ok well first off he was honest with you therefore I will give him credit for that, however cheating on you just because he is close to the womans child is really no excuse what so ever. I think he has feelings for her and he is torn between the both of you.
I guess the only thing left is for him to chose you or her. You shouldnt be the one that is left doing all the fighting as these are his battles not yours. You need to think about boundries you can deal with if you were both back together and tell him straight out his options. Do not let him walk all over you. Goodluck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 February 2011):
He cheated once. And now he's talking to this woman again for no good reason.
Does he love you?
No.
Does he respect you?
No.
Is he a lying, cheating scumbag trying his luck?
Yes.
Get away from him before he hurts you again.
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