A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i had a rough year last year. i lost my grandfather, i lost my horse, i became ill with anemia and just when i thought as a family we could wave goodbye to the bad times my dad was diagnosed with kidney cancer just before christmas although he is making a good recovery.i have become depressed recently,i have been to the doctors and my pill has been changed in the hope this may relieve the symptoms. i feel like crying most of the time and just want to run away from it all. i recently had a birthday, it wasnt good, there was an extended family row and everyone got very upset. i was then shouted at by my mother and i left and stayed over a friends house to both calm down. for my birthday i got a jumper that was just vile and what i would never wear and a blouse. despite the fact that it is know i struggle to get blouses to fit due to my figure. i also got a handbag, earrings and a scarf. i really dont like any of them, im 22 and the items are more suited to someone twice my age. i just feel awful, i have no intention of wearing any of them and cant stand mum going on about why i am not wearing them. i actually would rather they took them back and treated themselves to a weekend away or something, this would make me much happier as i dont feel i deserve them anyway. should i tell them i dont like them or just keep them, throw them in the back of the wardrobe and never use them making them a complete waste of money. any advice?seems so stupid saying this, i am crying as i say it as just so terribly unhappy at the moment and really struggling to talk to mum about it with everything else going on
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christmas, depressed, money, my figure Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Did your mum keep the receipts? If yes, you could suggest that you go out shopping together, return the items you don't like and choose some things you do like? It might be good for you both to have a day out, having a bit of retail therapy and spending time together.
When you say you went to the doctors and changed your pill, are you talking about the oral contraceptive pill or an antidepressant? You should tell your GP how low you're feeling at the moment. It's understandable in the circumstances, but don't allow yourself to struggle on without any sort of help.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Perhaps you could go and see what you'd prefer in the same shop and then just tell your Mum, "hey, I saw a beautiful jacket and shoes in [shop name]. WOuld you mind if I exchanged the [whatever present] for them? I really really love them!"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013):
No wonder your upset sweetie, last year was horrible and you have the daunting prospect of wondering what this year will hold with your dad.. So do you know what.. You deserve a good cry..
There are no words that I can write that will miraculously take this away, if I could I would.. You seem a very lovely girl...
Family fight at times so let that go and focus on tomorrow and a new start .. That's what New Years are for..
Now us mums sometimes don't get it right, we do our best but sometimes we don't get it right..
This is what I would do.. Put the gifts in a bag and don't say anything just yet.. Buy a big chocolate cake, wine or better still ask your mum to come to lunch with you, tell her you know she frazzled and it would be nice to talk..
Yes, I understand the need to cry and the running away part, your young and at 22 you have had the morality check, that we do not live forever.. You too have been ill and you do need to concentrate on keeping your strength up.. But no good will çome from hiding away or putting your head in the sand.
If you support your mum and she supports you, the two of you's will feel so much better, and be united over whatever obstacles may appear..
Have another look at the gifts mum gave.. Do the earring seem that bad.. The bag etc, Pick two things the jumper and blouse I'd say and before lunch finishes say to mum, that you want to bring something up but don't want to hurt her feelings you know how much effort she has went with the presents but the jumper and blouse are just not you, would she mind if you exchanged them??
Do not say you hate them etc, and only pick two.. Later on near October this year say to mum my friends do this sharing christmas list mum, they give a list of wishes of presents they like to each other and then wait to see if Santa brings them anything from the list, we could do that for a laugh..
I'd give you a big cuddle if I could sweetie..
It's been hard on everyone.. So gentle does it.. But on the plus side isn't your mum very lucky to have such a lovely girl.. . (You)
Take care
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Gifts generally can be returned and you can get a refund or an exchange. For doing this you should know where they have been bought, and if you don't, yes I guess you'd have to tell your mom that you did not like the item. It takes a bit of tact, but it's not really like a slap in her face, clothing tastes are very personal and it's always difficult to guess it right with a clothing gift. You could tell her that you do appreciate the thought, and the money , that went into the gifts , but they don't really fit with your lifestyle and you would not have enough occasions to wear them, so if she does not mind etc. etc.
People do return gifts all the time, hopefully she won't take it personally.
If, instead, in view of your recent argument, you want to err on the caution side , and not rekindle any possible animosity, be a little more passive aggressive. Don't tell her anything, try and sell the items on E-bay or something similar, and with the money you get buy yourself things that you like better. In time your mother may notice that you are not wearing her stuff and ask you about it, - but by then hopefully the situation will have calmed down and you will have made peace, and you may be able to tell her that you've got them exchanged without creating too much fuss.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 If telling your mother that you would like to exchange the presents is going to offend her then just keep them. But hopefully, if she really wants you to be happy, she should be okay with you taking them back and getting something you will actually use. You know her best but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.
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