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age
41-50,
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writes: My brother in law has called me and texted me and told me in person he loves me and is attracted to me. I haven't replied to his remarks out of respect to my husband. I just ignored it when he said it. I know he was intoxicated/high so I didn't think much of it. For years my husband and I have talked about a threesome with him but I have always refused. I am now finding myself dreaming of my brother in law 24/7 now. I love him, but I'm confused. I love my husband and I'd never cheat or lie to him. I am considering telling my brother in law that the feelings he has are mutual but that no matter what I couldn't lie or cheat. The only way he would have a chance is with a threesome. Should I tell my husbands brother that I love him too? Should I tell him about or fantasy of a threesome with him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply beautiful boy. It wad kinda close to accurate but not really. I've never had a one night stand. I've been married ten years and the only thing i've done is shake someone's hand. Im actually a religious person (however poorly practicing) so I don't even talk to other men. I understand it's wrong the way i've been feeling and I've decided to stop even thinking about these things. I really think if my husband didn't keep talking about it in bed the last three years it would never have crossed my mind.
My brother in law called me last night when he knew my husband was asleep and told me all the same stuff. This time I told him that he's just dreaming and that he doesn't really love me it's a fantasy. My husband was again with me listening to the entire conversation. We tslked for an hour. He told me the guilt was making him want to die. I told him he had nothing to feel guilty about that they were just feelings that were all mixed up from drugs. He said he couldn't look me in the face anf he doesn't trust himself around me. That all he wants to do is hold me in his arms etc.... I told him I love his brother and that I'll be a friend to him and nothing more. I offered to talk to him or get him some help like rehab etc. He said thst he's been doing more and more drugs to get over me. Now last week he lost his job, about to get his car repo'ed and he's addicted to some kinda major drugs.
I feel sorry for him and I told my husband thst no we aren't going to mention him in the bedroom again.
I feel so much better since we had this conversation. Like I can let go. I know that in his heart he may WANT me but he doesn't love me. I love him as a brother and I want what's best for him which is not me. I never had any men in my life growing up so I do have trouble with understanding brotherly love.
Thank you all for the advise.
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male
reader, Beautifulboy  +, writes (9 November 2012):
you need to grow up girl. you dont love your brother in law. you just are infatuated with feeling special and wanted by somebody that you have been around for so long due to being with your husband. hes just the only other guy than your husband that you are that close to and you feel that connection of love. but you know you can act on that love because theres no blood ties to the family love and connection your experiencing. if the brother in law keeps flattering you an making you feel special he can have you in no time even without your husbands consent. your mental thoughts being unstable make you so vulnerable to any guy your close to. im sorry if this sounds mean but girls with care an love issues are the easiest targets for a 1 night stand because all you have to do is say " your so beautiful an i have wanted you for the longest time. i want to be with you. i honestly believe that im in love with you and then BBAAAAMMMM one in the books. girls like you start getting wet when you since care love attention an affection.. lmao you better give your childhood a closer look an fix your head before you hurt every guy in your future misses not 1 nor 5 mean could please me enough. btw your not in love with your husband neither..
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to update this to add that my husband knows ever thing that has occurred. He has seen every text and was listening to the phone call too. I haven't kept anything from him. He gets upset when his brother does this but afterwards it always makes him hot.
Honestly like 25% of me is dying to do it and the other 75% knows it's a really stupid idea. I have always loved my brother in laws but the newly added sexual attraction just confuses those feelings. I'm sure nothing will happen but thanks for all the advice.
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reader, Staceily +, writes (1 November 2012):
 If you truly love your husband then the first thing you should do is tell your husband what his brother said to you about being in love. He should know this, a loyal wife would tell her husband such things. And since you don't want to lie that's what you need to do. Next you tell his brother you are married and not interested in him, such talk of love is not permitted when you are married to his brother. Do not have a threesome when you have feelings for each other. It will become a gigantic mess. The brother will want more, you may too, your marriage will suffer because your husband will be jealous of the relationship between his brother and you.... If you want your husband and the marriage to last then ignore the fantasy.
Plus I did want to add because I saw a couple of posts about incest since it is a brother and brother threesome, I watched a documentary on a bunny ranch(brothel) and they had a father and son pick a prostitute to have a threesome with for his son's birthday. Not many men could have sex with their father and the same woman but they were pretty psyched. So some people are just really weird.
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reader, bama_mobile +, writes (1 November 2012):
 It looks like disrespect is mutually cutting three ways. I dont think it will work somehow.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Cerberus said it more colourfully, but yes, basically I think the same, you are bringing the concept of brotherly love to a whole new high ( or low ).
I think you should leave this fantasy as a fantasy - I suppose it's not your fault if your fantasy has such a strong " eeew " factor , but , come on, who is the person who wants to have a threeeome with his own brother ??...
If when you tell him your idea your husband gets mad and disgusted, - then you get in trouble for nothing, because he is not going to make it happen. If your husband is the kind of guy that gets all hot and bothered at the idea of a threesome all in the family.... then you may have your wish come true, but then you'll have to divorce your husband , because he is a weirdo that next time may want to share you with his 85 y.o. dad.
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reader, oldbag  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Hi
" For years my husband and I have talked about a threesome with him but I have always refused"
You and your husband have talked for years about having a threesome with his brother? Really? So he is ok with it, sharing his wife with a family member?
I think between them,sick as it sounds, they are trying to set it up.
Personally I would run a mile from the pair of them,your not a piece of meat to be passed around.You say you respect your husband,well he sure as hell doesn't respect you.
On the other hand if you lot want to indulge in this disgusting fantasy then do, but it will end in tears or worse.
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reader, somewhere_between +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Yes, tell him. Crazier things have happened, so you just might get lucky. If it does not work, your husband will be able to replace you. Unfortunately he is always stuck with having him as a brother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Sure thing, why not get your husband to tell your mother he wants to fuck her hard up the arse until she bleeds, that's just as good an idea don't you think?
quietbutpowerful how about telling your husband what his brother said? You say you can't lie or cheat but not telling him that his own brother came onto you is a lie of omission because it's something he'd want to know.
OP no offence but you're being ridiculous, you actually think two brothers would have a threesome? Now unless you're from some backwater rural area in one of the slave states I can't see that happening.
Normally I'd agree with person12345 on this. It's not unusual to fantasize about others while in a relationship and sometimes a minor crush can develop which you can get over.
But this is far more than that, the brother is actively pursuing you and you're actively considering it.
You talk about respect for your husband but he doesn't know, you're doing this all behind his back and not only that a lack of reply is not enough. My girlfriend has had friends send drunken texts like before and she's immediately responded to tell them fuck off, you see she deals with it by getting rid of the issue. You're not, you're just leaving the door open for the brother to make a real move in the future and for all your talk of not cheating or lying it will take one brief moment of weakness for all that to go out the window.
I think if you really respect your husband you'll let him know what's going on, because I must tell you OP by not putting a stop to the brothers advances by not closing the door on him you're already emotionally cheating, you've already crossed that line and this guy needs to know his brother is an untrustworthy douche too.
I'd quite literally get rid of you both, neither of you can be trusted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): I wouldn't if you value your marriage. No good can come of that.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (1 November 2012):
 It sounds less like you "love" this brother in law and more like a new opportunity has presented itself and is exciting. You should not respond to this BIL or tell your husband. A threesome on its own is usually a terrible idea for a monogamous couple, add in a creepy incest thing PLUS the fact that they are likely very close and you are just asking to not only destroy your marriage, but his family as well.
Leave it alone. Let it be an exciting fantasy if you must, but I think if you act on this you will ruin their family and your marriage. I doubt you suddenly fell in love with him just because he expressed feelings for you, you likely have feelings of excitement at being pursued again. That can be a strong feeling, but it's not worth throwing a marriage away over. If you ignore him the feelings will die down.
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