A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just yesterday, I found out I was pregnant and it was confirmed by a doctor. My boyfriend and I recently split and he refused to give me a reason. Then only thing he told me was that he loved me but couldnt be with me anymore. But the night before, he was having dinner with my family, and there was nothing wrong! While dating, we discussed the "what ifs" about pregnancy and he told me he's "too immature to handle it". He's 19 years old. I know no one wants to be forced to grow up, but we both made a mistake. He told all his friends that talk to me, to leave him alone and do not contact him. So I talked to my friend, which is friend too and told him. He said he would accompany me if i choose to tell him. I do not plan on an abortion, but I am thinking about adoption as of now. Should I tell him im pregnant??
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female
reader, jasmin nisar  +, writes (13 December 2009):
 yes hun 100% u should tell him ur exspecting but i think thats maybe what made him do a runner in the 1st place the serious stuff, meeting ur family an havin convosations about series things arent really thingS young immuture men want to chat about are they. he may even try 2 eny the baby is his as some do. no1 exsept u knows how he will truly react. i think he got scared of the thought its not ur unborn babys fault this has happened adoption may be a option but y dose it have to be millions of mothers all over the world everyday look after babys without the fathers help im sure u will find strength in urself to do whats right i wish u luck in whatever u decide
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): I wrote this. So here's the update:
Thank you all for your honesty. My mom is very supportive and Ive opened up to my closest few friends and family for support. Needless to say, I waited for not a word from him but I told him we needed to talk. When we sat down, he sat next to me and told me things would be okay and we'd get through this. Though, I know he wants an abortion, we are going to sit down and Im going to explain my decision and hopefully he'll be supportive like he is now.
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A
female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 That baby is as much his as it is yours, of course he deserves to know about it. Imagine the tables were turned and it was guys who got pregnant and therefore got to make all the decisions about the baby because its "their body, their choice", or even got to choose whether or not the mother knew about the baby - it would be completely unfair, wouldnt it? So yes, as the father he certainly deserves to at least know, and I would listen to whatever he suggests for the future of the child.Good luck, I know it won't be an easy conversation but it'll be easier if you've got the support of this friend and your parents, and once its out in the open you can start to move forward with this :) xx
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Since you considering adoption, and he still comes around to your families house, not telling him isn't really an option.
This is one of those things that is never easy, but as you said, you both made a mistake now it is time to face the consequences.
Just do yourself a favor first and determine what it is that you want to happen. Don't let him talk you into something you don't want.
A: do you want to get back together possibly, or not at all or not because of a child.
B: what is it that you plan to do with the baby? Adoption is a noble answer, if you don't want an abortion, then don't let him talk you into it just because he isn't capable of dealing with it.
While both of you made a mistake, it is you that is going to bear the most of it. He can simply walk away, you can't.
So, be really clear with yourself what you want and be honest about it. He probably won't suddenly grow up and make up with you and you two will live happily ever after. It could happen, but it doesn't seem likely.
He says he is not mature enough yet, and you are very likely going to find out that this is true. So, be prepared to have to be the responsible one for the two, no three of you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (15 November 2009):
 yes, as you are intending to go through with the pregnancy you need to tell your ex b/f you are pregnant.If you decide to keep the baby he will be liable for paying some support. You should find a social worker who can give you advise on your rights and responsibilities.Good luck, whichever way you decide to go
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (15 November 2009):
 How far along are you right now?
I think you need to think clearly in your own head about what the future will hold for you and have you told your parents yet? Have they been supportive?
I think you need to have close friend's and family around you right now giving you all the most positive support you can get.
It is pretty clear in my own mind that your ex is probably going to try and force you into an abortion or try to convince you that it is the best option.
However, I think as the pregnancy progresses, you may change your feelings towards adoption as you do become very attached to that little person growing inside of you and I would not make any rash decisions before the birth in all honesty, you need to know whether this baby is something you want to keep or give away and it is all to overwhelming right now.
I think sort out your support network first and then say to those closest to you about the fact that you feel you need to tell your ex as it will show eventually and the longer you leave it, the harder it will be. However, if you are over the period of abortion, he cannot force your hand and right now I am concerned that he could put too much pressure on you when you need to be relaxed and thinking about yourself and the health of your baby. Stress is not a good option.
The fact that your friend is being extremely supportive and has said he will come with you to tell your ex, that is fantastic. I just think you need to be open and upfront with your family and then decide how to go ahead and this has to be in the best way for you, not your ex. You are the important one here and although he has a certain level of rights, it is YOUR body at the end of the day so you need to do what is right for you.
Keep us posted OK, congratulations btw and although it is all very scary right now, the moment you hold your baby for the first time, you will have a rush of emotions so don't plan too far ahead as things can change and hormones play a big part in that. I would never want to be without my daughter and she is 8 and a half now but when she was conceived and born I was in a loving long term relationship, however I am now a single mum but her dad is very supportive and sees her every other weekend and would do more if he didn't live 2 hours away. He is even considering moving to be closer to her.
Nothing is ever easy but you can get through it honest.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): yes you should! Doesnt matter if he can handle it or not, hes gotta know that you are pregnant with his child. Its his responsability too, and hes the one thats gotta choose if hes gonna be a man and take it or a jerk and not take it. Dont make it easier on him and harder on yourself. Whatever he does after you tell him is up to him, and you r gonna learn a lot about the man he is by the way he reacts.
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A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (15 November 2009):
absolutely honey you should tell him. It may be uncomfortable to talk about with him because of his reaction but it is not fair to keep this a secret from him no matter what his reaction will be. It has to be done. I am sorry for the stress you must be under and just know that this all will pass. You will either find a very loving home for your baby or you will make the decision that you are able to keep your baby and find help to care for the baby. But you must tell him no matter how difficult it is to do so. You both felt you were old enough to have sex, you now both have to be old enough to handle the consequences of having sex. You must be brave and tell him and don't expect a positive reaction because I get the feeling it won't be. That is ok. You still have to let him know.
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