A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. i love him alot and i know he loves me too. the problem is that my dad doesnt know about us. i wasnt allowed to date until i turned 16 and i already did so im allowed to have one by his set of rules. well my boyfriend wants me to tell my dad that we are dating but i dont want to. my dad is one of those overprotective dads that wont trust me if i had a boyfriend.(by the way im his favorite) i have an older sister that is 19 and he wont let her go out with her friends even for a couple hours. if i tell my dad about my boyfriend it will only make things worse and he wont let me go out in fear that i will go mess around with him. my boyfriend realy wants me to tell him though because he thinks if i tell him, he'll let me go out more with him and i already told him thats not how its going to be. what should i do? i do want my dad to know but i know that if he does, he wont trust me or let me go out.please help.....xoxo Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Knight_in_White_Satin  +, writes (30 May 2009):
 Why not try calmly sitting down with your dad and ask him to listen to you without interupting.Tell him that you have a boyfriend,that it's serious, that you want his approval but that he needs to understand that whilst you appreciate his protection he needs to let you learn and make your own mistakes etc. Then ask him to at least give your boyfriend a chance to live up to his standards and to actually meet the guy. DO NOT MENTION THAT EVERYONE ELSE KNEW BEFORE HIM.That'll just hurt him and make him feel resentful. This is what happened to me, admittedly my dad wasn't as over protective but i'm his eldest and favourite. Good Luck
A
female
reader, Tarianna  +, writes (30 May 2009):
 My dad treats me completely the same way as you and mind you....I'm 18.....He doesn't allow me to date either...the slightest mention of a guy and he's flying off the edge....he doesn't even allow me to go out....unless of course it has something to do with school...and even then he gives me a hard time.....I live in the rural area...and if any school activity I want to go to is in the urban area I can just kiss that trip bye bye out my head...he doesnt allow me to go out not even with girls.....he's so over bearing..protective and all those things....sometimes when they say they're protecting you sometimes they are more putting you in more danger...and people like me and you are more likely to rebel....seriously...I dont have any advice to give you cause I need some myself...but I just wanted to let you know your not alone..... I really hope I pass this phase....you can say..you..your sister and me are rocking in the same boat....anybody wanna give some more advice?
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A
female
reader, Tarianna +, writes (30 May 2009):
I'm going through the same thing as you. I'm 18 and my dad doesn't allow me to date...even the mention of a guy sends him off the edge....I've been dating this guy for over a year now and he wants me to tell my dad but I know all hell is going to break lose....and like your sister.....my dad doesn't allow me to go out unless its something having to do with school....I live in the rural area...if the school activity is in the urban area...i can just say bye bye to any thought of that....dont really understand why some dads have to be so over protective...sometimes thats what set children to do the the thing they claim they are protecting us from...wish they would ease up....well all I have to say is that you aren't alone....I cant give you any advice cause were both rocking in the same boat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks for all the advice people. =]
i appreciate it. and for daletom, i appreciate your advice too but i think you should know that my dad is the only one that doesnt know. my mom has meet him and she approves of him and gets along with him and his mom too. my dad is the only one that doesnt know. and also i've thought about having him come over and do the whole family getting to know eachother thing but my dad doesnt like that either. my sister had a boyfriend and if she ever mentioned if he could come over, he would get angry. so yea thats not a realy good possibility for me. well anyways overall thank you all for your advice i would take all of it into mind.
=]
xoxo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): i am a 19 year old girl, i have been in a relationship for 3 years. my dad also doesn't know, because he is the exact same as ur dad. my dad is controlling and needs to realise i am an adult. i brought a male friend from college home and he went mental and put him out the house!!! humiliated me! i understand what ur going through. good luck xx
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (23 December 2008):
Young lady, at your age keeping this from your parents can only have bad results. It will harm both the relationship between you and your parents, and also the relationship between you and your B/F.
Whether your father's reasons for his rules are good, mediocre, or poor he is still your father and has your welfare at heart.
Trust must always be earned, and once trust is violated it is twice as hard to earn. Is there anything in particular that leads him to mistrust you or your sister? The fact that you started "dating" when you knew your father didn't approve is not in your favor. You may be able to resole this to everyone's satisfaction, however.
I suggest that, rather than going out, you ask your boyfriend to come in. As your father becomes more acquainted with the young man he will become more trusting, and allow you greater privileges. For example, get permission to have your B/F come over to watch a television program, or do homework. Your father doesn't have to join you two - but it's an opportunity for him to see that this guy treats you with courtesy, honor and respect. (And your B/F is likewise courteous and respectful of your father.) Or, offer to cook dinner if your B/F can join the family. I don't mean an elaborate, fancy dinner - spaghetti is just fine. The important thing is that your father meets this guy, learns that he can carry on an intelligent conversation, sees him helping you clean up the kitchen, etc.
(I am assuming, of course, that you're B/F is a decent and honorable person. If not - then you need to have a different sort of conversation with your father.)
It may take a few weeks or even months of this before your father grants you the freedom you'd like to have. Contrary to prevailing belief, MANY parents are MUCH more willing to grant you permission to do something if you are forthright about it, than to give you forgiveness if you do even the same thing but sneak around to do it.
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A
female
reader, ShanL +, writes (23 December 2008):
 My dad wasn't like that but my mom was about boys....going out with friends....everything. I would say let the boyfriend tell your dad and no matter what you're dad says he can't stop your heart from loving him and he'll just have to respect that. My dad liked guys that came to him and told him well asked if I could be their girlfriend. You say he don't trust you but that's just him being a protector just like my parents. Now your sister on the other need to look for her an apartment or something beause she's 19 and can't go anywhere HELL NO!!!! If your boyfriend is comfortable with it you talk to your dad about having a boyfriend then let your dad talk to him man to man....JUST AS I DID MY BOYFRIEND I HAVE NOW
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): This is a tricky sitution. your dad obviously cares about you, but unfortunately to the point where he is too overprotective. Its good that you want him to know about your boyfriend, however i wouldnt advise telling him - yet. Maybe you should sit down with your dad and be open, say you think your old enough to have more responsibiltities now and are mature enough to handle issues. Ask him why he is so over protective. If he still doesnt loosen up you might need to show him how grown up you are some how. Imagine how your sister feels, at 19! it would be good to talk to her about it and maybe other member of the family, not as close, like an auntie or cousin. They could talk your dad round.
Good luck!
x
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