A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should i tell him that i cheated?i have been with my boyfriend for 11months now and about 3 months into our relationship my ex came over to mine to give me back some old revision notes, i didn't know what was happening but next thing i knew he was on top of me. i love my boyfriend with all my heart and never wanted this to happen, i never enjoyed it and never wanted it to happen, he pushed himself on to me. should i tell my boyfriend? and what about if there is a chance of my Ex telling my current boyfriend because they use to be friends? please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): You need to make one of two calls -
1 - To your bf telling him the truth
2 - To the police that you were raped.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): Either you voluntarily cheated or you were raped. One or the other.
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 If you think there is a possibility of a long future with your boyfriend then you absolutely have to tell him. Unfortunately, as the others have said... forcing himself onto you leaves a lot of open possibilities.
My guess is while you didn't really WANT him to force himself onto you, you most likely didn't mind enough to really stop him. You can not want something, but be ok with it at that same time. If it really was against your will 100%, then it is rape and most guys would back down before performing true rape.
My other guess is you already know this, and you feel guilty... which is why you didn't already tell him or anybody else for that matter. Be honest with him. Your relationship will be better off with no secrets. Yes, he'll be hurt at first... but if he cares about you he'll see you are trying to do what is right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): Girl, sad news: You HAVE to tell him. Because your ex will probably beat you to it if you dont. Listen this is something very delicate if you were intimate with your boyfriend and then broke that bond being intimate with another man (your ex)then the harsh truth is when he knows what happened he'll be heart broken. And this all depends on what type of man he is but many men sometimes feel like they have to get even with his girlfriend when this happens. Others dont but a lot do. So like I said it all depends. I wont judge you, but you know if you love your bf that was a very bad thing to do because some way or another this things are so hurtful they end up killing the love. Listen infidelity is sooo horrible even the bible justifies divorce if it was because of adultery or abuse. In your case you invited a third person into the bond of two people who were one. A bond that in love, should be sacred. I say it this way so you understand your boyfriend when he gets the crappy news. You should def. tell him sweetie, I know itll be hard i know youre scared to lose him but it happened and theres no turning back now. Try and never let this happen again with anyone, ever. Because this speaks of you very badly and sometimes we do things that distort our images and im sure you are a good person who just made a mistake. Dont let it happen again. Tell him and give him time. If it was just a kiss tell him your ex stole it XD but in he sex case, wow... Let time show you whats gonna happen, you'll be ok. This happened to me. He left me and hates me to this day. But every case is different of course and i wish you the luck i didn't have. Remember never do it again. Blessings!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 June 2010):
 He pushed himself onto you? Did you say no? Stop? Did you tell him to get out? Did you try to fight and struggle against him?? If you told your ex no and he overrode you, it's rape! You should report him.
Now, if you simply let him convince you to have sex and you had a couple of nostalgic feelings for him and you did it willingly and now regret it, it's not rape, and you now have to live with your actions.
It does in this case sound like something that could get back to your boyfriend, so if I were you, you committed the action (unless it was rape), so you need to tell him before he finds out. If it was rape, you need to tell him that as well. If it wasn't, there's a good chance that you've just lost your boyfriend.
If you consented to the sex, you need to figure out WHY you were weak. This weakness will manifest again in your life, and you need to find out why, whether you're easily suckered, or can't take no for an answer, or you're too nostalgic for the past or you can't let go.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 June 2010):
He pushed himself onto you? Did you say no? Stop? Did you tell him to get out? Did you try to fight and struggle against him?? If you told your ex no and he overrode you, it's rape! You should report him.
Now, if you simply let him convince you to have sex and you had a couple of nostalgic feelings for him and you did it willingly and now regret it, it's not rape, and you now have to live with your actions.
It does in this case sound like something that could get back to your boyfriend, so if I were you, you committed the action (unless it was rape), so you need to tell him before he finds out. If it was rape, you need to tell him that as well. If it wasn't, there's a good chance that you've just lost your boyfriend.
If you consented to the sex, you need to figure out WHY you were weak. This weakness will manifest again in your life, and you need to find out why, whether you're easily suckered, or can't take no for an answer, or you're too nostalgic for the past or you can't let go.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 June 2010):
He may have come over and pushed it, but you didn't decline, so there must have been something there between you and your ex. If you cheated 11 months into a relationship with your ex, then you would do better to end it. And there is a high chance of your ex telling your current boyfriend just to torture him. So yes, you need to tell him. Better coming from you than someone else. But remember what I said. If you cheated with your ex, then you really need to think about your relationship.
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (16 June 2010):
 No, don't tell him. Don't think about the ex telling your current bf unless and until that happens...you can cross that bridge when you come to it. You may want to have a good story ready for if that happens, but do not volunteer any info.
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