A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles, my boyfriend and I were talking about our relationship this morning and he asked me what my first time was like. He's my first lover and I didn't know how to answer. It took him four different tries to really...do everything because I was so scared. We have an amazing sex life now but for a while, I felt a lot of guilt. I cried a lot. I was abused from the time I was 4-7 and then again when I was 13, but at 13 that was my fault. I trusted a guy 48yrs older and he tried to take advantage, still makes me feel sick and so stupid. But I'm happy I was able to keep my virginity and make love with my bf. I still get nightmares though and he notices and I can't tell him what they're about though he asks. I feel so sad sometimes when he holds me after we've made love. I love my, I feel like I should tell him but I don't know...what if he gets weirded out? Leaves me? I wouldn't even know how to tell him...please help me.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Yes honey...you should tell your boyfriend. For one thing, its going to make you feel a lot lighter, because this is a burden you have been carrying around, FOR NO FAULT OF YOURS. Whatever happened was not your fault in any way, not even with that old creep. You were young and you took a not-so-good decision. But that doesn't make you a bad person; if anything, thank your stars that you didn't lose your virginity.I dont see any reason why any decent man would leave you on listening to this. You know what, I always feel people should share their bad experiences so that others learn from them, and alert their sisters or women friends to be careful.Why would you want to hide this from him? If he knows about this, he can also help you through the bad times, and slowly this is something that will fade away from your memory. If its still too much to handle, you should seek professional help.
Also, if you tell him, and he stands by you (which he should), then you are lucky to have a wonderful partner. If he doesn't, then you're better off without him. You have your answer either way.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 If he loves you, he will not leave you. Instead, he will be there to hold you and he will understand. You have no idea how relieved I was when you wrote that you managed to save your virginity, it means that though you have been wronged, you have also persevered through the vile and random lust some people have for corrupting the innocent.
If you think telling him is the right thing for you to do, then tell him. Sit him down and tell him that you are ready to explain why you have nightmares, tell him and then ask him if it changes anything, if he will still love you. If he is a decent man, he will tell you "of course I still love you" or something along those lines. Hopefully, he will be the perfect man for you and he will be there for you to wake up to if you have those nightmares again.
But I also suggest professional help to rid you of these nightmares so that you can live happily without being haunted so cruelly.
I hope that helps.
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