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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend of 6 years off and on has hurt me sooo much over the years. and i've broken up with him numerous times for that reason. but we are together now and i do love him and i think we are pretty strong and can get through anything. but one of the times he hung up on me and didn't call me for ten days i really thought it was over this year so i went on an online dating site and met a guy from my high school. we were starting to date when my ex called me. well, it's been off and on with the new guy for many reasons, but i have kissed him twice when i was back with my boyfriend of 6 years. i don't plan on doing that again since it is technically cheating. should i tell my boyfriend that i cheated? i tried to but then he cried so i just said that i was kidding and just wanted to see if he would care if i ever did. he has hurt me so much, has been emotionally abusive in the past, and tried to cheat, so should i just not tell him and call it even?
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female
reader, Amdz  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 It’s always a problem when you hide something that would change the way someone feels about you. Some people are able to be dishonest and keep secrets and rationalize that they are protecting the other person, while for others deception and dishonesty are pure torture and will ruin the relationship. Even a "little" lie might start making you have feelings and react in ways that he will not understand and that would make you feel that everything is a lie because he would feel differently if he knew the truth. You need to figure out what you can and cannot handle and figure it out from there. I personally would tell him, as I couldn't handle the dishonesty and have strong beliefs about dishonesty in relationships, but everyone is different and we are all entitled yo have our opinions. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Amdz +, writes (24 March 2011):
It’s always a problem when you hide something that would change the way someone feels about you. Some people are able to be dishonest and keep secrets and rationalize that they are protecting the other person, while for others deception and dishonesty are pure torture and will ruin the relationship. Even a "little" lie might start making you have feelings and react in ways that he will not understand and that would make you feel that everything is a lie because he would feel differently if he knew the truth. Y
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (24 March 2011):
 There are a few things to consider in this situation. The first thing is why are you wanting to tell him? To make him feel better or to get it off your chest? If the main reason for telling him is to get this off your chest, you really shouldn't. It will create trust issues and problems that needn't be created, as long as you pledge never to cheat again. That is NOT an excuse for cheating, or saying what you did was ok, what it is is saving someone some heartache and keeping a measure of peace.
The second thing is that you seem to be trying to justify these kisses to yourself because your ex has hurt you. This is not a healthy way of thinking or a healthy way of having a relationship. Justifying wrongs and hurt? Subconciously getting back at your partner by acting out? Is that really how you want to be living? You said that you two had been together for a long time. Yes, time means something, but even if you two part, it hasn't been wasted, as you will have the things you've learned and the memories. You may want to consider that, painful as it may be.
Best of Luck
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (24 March 2011):
 My initial thought was to tell him so that he understands how it feels.
But as for the rest of it, if yo udon't think he will ever get over it and it'll ruin your relationship forever, I don't think two kisses is worth the honestly. If you think he'll get over it, then you should tell him.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (24 March 2011):
Yes. You should tell him what happened. If you are strong now you should overcome this.
I can't understand cheating, but it's even more difficult to me to forgive cheating. So I find it hard to think what would I do in your place. Under this circumstances I guess you should play fair. And everyone deserves to know the whole truth in order to decide what to do.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 Yes I think the best thing that you can do is be honest with him. Ok I understand that he got upset and you didnt want this but he deserves to know the truth and also to see how it feels like when someone close to you hurts you. Am sure if the both of you are strong enough you can work through this. Two kisses is enough to hurt him but am sure he will get past it and at least then you have a clear consious. At the end of the day if you dont tell him it will always play on your mind and will never allow you to be completely happy as you will always feel guilty. Do the right thing and tell him the truth. Afterwards you can work hard on showing him that you can be trusted. Goodluck.
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