| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Should I tell my man that I'm not a virgin?I've been in a long distance relationship for a few months now and me and my b/f havent had sex but we talk about it alot and look forward to sharing the experience though we feel there is no rush. Anyway, when I was 16 I lost my virginity to an older guy and he left me just after. The thing is though he didn't really "break me in" properly so to speak. So is it really worth telling my new amazing b/f about this one mistake when it wasn't even full penetration. I told him that he will be my first and I'd hate to say I lied but I just don't see the first time as anything. What should I do?Thanks X
View related questions:
long distance, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007):
I think you should ultimately do what you feel is the right thing to do as there is no right or wrong answer to this. As you can see, some people would keep it a secret, others wouldn't.
People that wouldn't are likely to have had an experience of being judged badly by a partner whereas those who say you should tell him probably be honest have been accepted by their partner.
Being honest about your past and being accepted will probably make your feel you understand each other better but sometimes someones past can become an issue, this is particularly true for people who they themselves are inexperienced or have different expectations of the other sex.
Some people consider the past private from anyone and others find sharing it with whoever their intimate with as being beneficial. You're find both of these kind of ways of dealing with this have their own advantages and disadvantages.
Nobody is in your situation so whatever you decide to do is right for you and your situation so I'd say go with what you feel is right.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): Disregard any women telling you that the past doesn't matter. Males are biologically programmed to care more than women about their SO's past sexual history. It's not rational and it can cause problems, but both genders show all kinds of other romantic/sexual preferences you could say that about too.Your guy probably won't love the idea of this other guy. But that's not the point. It will hurt him slightly to hear about this other thing early on, or it will hurt him A HELL OF A LOT MORE if you lie to him about it at first. Don't think this will never come out. (Getting to be a girl's first is sometimes a big thing to a guy, so don't allow him to get so built-up over something that's not true. Even if you never tell him and he never hears about it in any other way, just the fact that he's pleased over a lie will slowly twist a knife in your conscience over time.) The potential lying is a much bigger issue than the sex in these situations, and don't believe anyone telling you differently.
...............................
A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (29 January 2006):
 Sweetie, he does not need to know about your dirty laundry from your past...
If you feel in your heart, that your previous sexual encounter was not the real thing, then that is what it was....
...............................
A
male
reader, kjandrew +, writes (29 January 2006):
I think you should not only tell him about everyone you have been with but also get tested, because since the guy you lost your virginity to was older, he had more of a chance to catch something that you could pass on to your boyfriend
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2006): Bust out the whole story to him. you might even be suprise that he will get more closer and serious after u might have disclose the secret to him.Moreover men acts on stories that are facinating. So dont be afraid to bust out, sweety.
...............................
A
female
reader, bridg_108 +, writes (11 January 2006):
Tell him the truth and go from there. The truth is always the best was. Just tell he you were afaid that he would leave you after you had sex with him. He should understand. I'v been there with my boyfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (11 January 2006):
 I don't think it's really any of his business whether you've had sex before or not. That doesn't affect how you feel about him or how special it will be when you two sleep together.
We all make mistakes and it's best just to forget about this other guy. I hope things go well and it's as good as you hoped.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (11 January 2006):
 I would kind of concur with both. If you are not comfortable then this will eat away at you. However, as has been said its debateable whether you are technically lying at all. To me you are still a virgin if you have not been fully penertrated but this is a grey area. Either proceed on the basis that you have not lied or if you feel it nagging at you bring it out into the open before it emerges of its own accord.
...............................
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (11 January 2006):
Your gut must be telling you that you should tell him, otherwise you wouldn't be here asking what to do, part of you doesnt want to admit that you didn't tell the whole truth, but part of you must think you should. In my opinion lying or 'part lies' whatever the hell you want to call it, is never right. Its always best to be on the safe side and be open is the way I see it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (11 January 2006):
Why? Give him the pleasure of thinking he is an honoured man to be the first to tread unbroken territory.In theory yo're not lying so what purpose would it serve to tell him that you've had sex with someone else. Thats going to leave you wide open to being called names the first time you have an arguement.No, use discretion as the better part of valour and keep yours lips firmly buttoned. It will serve no useful purpose.Let him preen in the knoweldge that he is a great and considerate lover who made it wonderful for you first time.
...............................
|
