A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've got a problem. I'm in love with a very good friend of mine. I hang out a lot with 3 friends of mine but I'm only going to mention 2 of them: Vicky and Colin The more time I spend with them, well Colin, the deeper I fall in love with him. He makes me smile every time I see him and every time i see him, my heart also misses a beat. He's not very "open" he doesn't like to share his feelings or let anyone close to him. But i feel like he's let me closer to him, than he's let Vicky. We meet almost every single day, and if we don't meet, we talk on the cellphone, text or go on msn. First when we started hanging out, he rarely looked into my eyes, now he always looks into my eyes, and his eyes become softer every time he looks at me...well i think so, maybe its just something in my head. I'm to afraid to do anything about it. I don't want to ruin our friendship, i don't want to risk anything. I mean, what if he doesn't like me. And how can I tell if he likes me or not? I'm too afraid to talk about this to Vicky (who is my BEST friend) because she's pretty close to Colin too. I usually tell her everything but i cant tell her how i feel about Colin.My questions are: What should I do? Should I tell him, or just try and forget all about it? Should I tell Vicky about it?Confused girl
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Okay this is what will probably happen if you tell your best friend. She will probably tell him, which is what you need to do anyways.
A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (18 February 2008):
This is such a difficult question to answer. I guess you need to look internally and examine just what you think being a good (even best) friend is and what it really means to you. Ask yourself how would you prefer this situation to be dealt with by Vicky if the positions were reversed?
I think if you are honest with yourself you will agree that at the very least you should talk to her about it and I suspect that in some back corner of your mind you are hoping that someone on this site will just say to you, go for it girl, and to not worry. But the big problem is that the only aspect of our lives that we can really control no matter what happens to us or what events come our way, is our personal integrity and honour. I know these days that is often seen as being selective or optional or even old fashioned. But it is real and no good friendship can survive without it.
Clearly you and Colin enjoy a friendship that could easily develop into more. But I also think it is possible you could be reading more into your comparison of Colin and You vs Colin and Vicky, than perhaps might be there. Do not worry, that is only natural but it can help to be aware that it could be the case.
I have always felt that no subject should be off limits between best friends. Please consider talking to Vicky about how you feel while at the same time assure her that her friendship with you is valuable. I am sure that she will appreciate your trusting her with this but do not be surprised if she is also angry and hurt, depending on how deep her feelings for Colin really are. In your conversation with her, be candid, ask her advice, let her know you do not want to lose her as a friend, and be prepared to stand back from Colin if that is what is called for in order to preserve your friendship with Vicky. If that happens it will hurt, but your chance with a good guy will come around and you will have preserved a good friendship.
Love can fade but friendship, true friendship is forever.
I wish you luck and hope you work it out so that your friendship with Vicky is strengthened and that whether with Colin or someone else, you find a man that will fill your heart.
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A
male
reader, doafreak +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Hi
I was recently in a similar situation and a close freind of both of ours helped me out.You should definatly tell him. Its not good to bottle up feelngs like this. It can really start toget you down. I would also recomend telling Vicky normally a freind who cares is the best person you can have to help.
hope this helps :)
Brad
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A
female
reader, lilacpilgrim +, writes (18 February 2008):
 This is a tricky one, and I was in a similar situation. I told the guy, and something weird happened. We became best friends.
However, we were already really great friends to begin with. If you have a really good relationship with this guy and you know he won't fall out with you over this then I see no reason not to. If he were to fall out with you over something like this, he wouldn't really be worth the hassle in my opinion.
If you don't want him to know at all, and you know you can trust Vicky, then confide in her. She won't tell and since she knows you better than we on the internet do, perhaps she can give you more personalised advice. Hope this helps.
Good luck!
The Lilac Pilgrim
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