A
female
age
30-35,
*heLuckyOne
writes:I have recentley reconnected with an old flame. The last time we saw each other we were intimate but I was in a relationship at the time, so we never kept in touch.It is now 10 years later and last week we disovered that we live down the road from each other. We kissed the first time he came to my house and have spent every day together since (today is the 5th day).I really like this guy, he is intelligent, kind, funny and even more desirable than i remember him being. I find myself staring at him because I can't believe its real. Problem is he is going to overseas in 4 weeks, he has no plans to come back (His tickets were booked before I came into the picture). So I think it might be a few more years before I see him again.We have spoken briefly about it and have agreed on a Friends With Benefits policy. But I really dont want him to go. I feel if he wasnt leaving, we could be great togther.He did mention that he had nothing keeping him here but wished that he did. Could he be trying to suggest something or is it a general thing?Should I tell him my feelings and risk ruining a good thing?Or should I stick with if you love someone let them go?
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 No doubt about it at all. If I found the right person, my plans would shift greatly to suit me and the right person.
I still think you should tell him even if you are unsure. It is always good to let someone know how you feel about them.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, TheLuckyOne +, writes (15 November 2010):
TheLuckyOne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all who replied.
Why is he going overseas? Good Question...
Well before I came into the picture he had been going through a rough time with some personal issues and had decided to stay with his brother who lives there.
The problem is that I don't want to take away his chance of experiencing something new.
I'm stuck in Australia for the next 3 years with study commitments, so it's not like I could go with him.
I'm not even sure he feels the same way because i'm not sure how to bring up the subject of "us".
On one hand, he sees me every chance he gets, suggests music to listen to, brings me presents like books I should read or games I should play.
We hang out like friends mostly but we kiss and are intimate with each other.
But I keep thinking... If we have so much in common and are so attracted to each other then why arent we together??
Men out there could you tell me if you would consider changing your plans (like not leaving or making the trip shorter) if you found the right person?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 I agree don't engage in FWBs, you like him far to much..and wouldn't be able to keep your emotions out of it. Why is he going overseas? I would come clean and tell him you really do want more than FWBs but him leaving is standing in your way of a relationship..If he's meant to be your he'll find a way to stay, or come back.
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A
female
reader, cheannryl  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Oh dear,know what? Love worth fighting for. If you love someone,don't ever let him go.Life's so short. GoodLuck:)
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A
female
reader, beentheredonemosteverything +, writes (12 November 2010):
Change the "go" to "know". That sentence, "If you love somebondy, let them go." is an oxymoron; it's just not true in a romantic relationship. Maybe for parents and children, where they kids need to grow up, but not here. If you don't say, then you will always wonder, possibly wait and hope for nothing. I say get it out there so you can either act on it or be done with it. Nobody likes being hurt, and that's why we act so guardedly, but no pain, no gain!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Swing for the fences. What have you got to lose?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 How old are you? The status says 18-21, but that can't be correct if you were intimate over 10 years ago.
I think you should tell him how you feel as well. And stay away from the "friends with benefits"! You clearly like this guy on a more serious level than a random fling. If he hooked up with someone else you would only get hurt. If he means enough to you to risk the heartache, he is surely worth the risk of telling him how you feel.
Whats the worst that can happen anyway, he is leaving soon. At best he stays/invites you with/you decide to meet up soon again (perhaps he will make his trip shorter) or figure out something. The worst that can happen is you stay friends with benefits until he leaves and then you don't see him again for years, and he hooks up with someone else even before he leaves!
The win by far outweighs what you can loose in this situation.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (12 November 2010):
Tell him how you feel about him. You are not risking anything. This good thing does not have to be ruined, if he does not feel the same way, you can move on. If you love someone, you only let them go if they know how you feel but they do not feel the same way, otherwise, why let them go? Love was meant to be grasped and held with passion. Tell him.
I hope that helps.
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