A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am casually seeing a man who I have developed strong feelings for. Because we began as friends, rather than officially dating, I'm confused as to where I stand with him. He has been over to my house a few times, and we've flirted, kissed and cuddled. The last time we were together, things got sexual and we became intimate. It didn't just happen, it was as much my decision as his, but at the same time I know I've made myself more vulnerable. We haven't discussed the issue of a relationship. I know I'm asking for trouble here, and I'm afraid that I'm gonna get hurt. Should I tell him that I want to have a relationship and risk scaring him off? Should I play it cool and let him pursue me? Not knowing what he wants is driving me crazy. I've had bad experiences with men and their commitment problems in the past...is it possible that this guy is different?
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (17 August 2008):
 I would ask him. Chances are he is just going with the flow at the moment and seeing where it heads to. My mate has just started seeing a girl and they are in the same situation as you 2. I asked him the other day whats happening, he said they are just hanging out and having some fun. I asked him if they had spoken about what they want, he said she did ask him what he wants from her, he told her nothing. I said i think what she wants to know is, is this just a bit of no strings fun or are we heading somewhere you dinlow! hehe. He said oh is that what she meant? der. Anyway, he says he doesn't want anything serious at the moment, but if he meets someone that is all the things he wants in a person, he will get with her properly. I think he has, and possibly by now they have had the chat. But most of the time people start dating and just see where its going naturally dont they?
I tend to go out with the person and leave the sex out of it until i know if its going somewhere or not, but you whipper snappers dont hang about do you! hehe
The chances are he really likes you, and likes hanging out with you, and this could turn into something good. Dont go over the top and make it sound like you want to know if he is gonna walk you down the aisle anytime soon! But just ask him what he is looking for at the moment. And if he sees you 2 going anywhere possibly. You have the right to know so you have the right to ask.
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, uraqt9697 +, writes (17 August 2008):
AGREED with everyone...you can ask him something as simple as if he sees your "relationship" no blossoming into something further, and have an open and honest discussion about where you two stand...
if you do "scare" him off, you're better off in the long run. If you don't, you're better off in the long run. win - win
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): No, ask him!! Since you have done everything people do in a relationship, it is a reasonable request, and if you scare him off now, you will probably scare him off in 3 months' time. You owe this to yourself, rather get hurt now and move on. The longer you wait the harder it will be. Oh, and who knows, he might feel the same!
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): I think you should let this guy know how you are feeling...that way if his intentions are different, you know now, and can move on with your life, and find a man worthy of your love. Just be honest, and take a chance. It's better to know now, than wast your time. Best of luck Sweet Pea!!
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A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (17 August 2008):
 If I were you, I'd just straight up ask him if you're fed up of not knowing where you stand. Sure, you run the risk of frightening him off but if it's wearing you down not knowing then surely even him running off would be an answer?
I hope this helps somehow!! xx
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