A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been kind of talking to this guy and hooking up with him for a few weeks now, and one night we were sitting at this bar and his ex girlfriend walks by and I noticed he was staring at her for a bit. Now I only know it’s his ex girlfriend because I creeped on their old photos and recognized her and knew she lived in the same area as we do. They broke up a few months back because he’s moving to a different state soon and they both didn’t want to do a LDR, and that’s all I know. Anyway, later that night we were hanging out at his place and I saw on his phone that he had texted her but she hadn’t responded to any of his previous text messages and he told her he missed her and everything. I don’t know how I feel about this and I don’t know if I should bring it up with him?
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2018): Face the music you are a rebound girl. get out of this one before you get hurt and find a man who isn't pining over his ex. you are worth more girl. believe it
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 May 2018):
 No, why would you bring this up with him ??
You are just casual hook up buddies ,plus he is leaving soon and he does not do long distance… He 'd just laugh in your face , at best - more probably he'd get really annoyed for your invasion of his privacy .
What should you feel about this ? Ideally… you should feel absolutely nothing, considering that this is a temporary hook up buddy, so whom he misses or loves etc. should not bother you at all. Too late for that, I guess, because it does bother you , otherwise you would not have posted. All you can do now is either reminding yourself this is the kind of arrangement where big displays of emotion are out of place and unwelcome, and accept it for what it is, for the temporary casual enjoyment it can give ; or else decide that you have bitten more than you can chew, and stop hooking up altogether before you invest even more feelings in this and get way too attached.
...............................
A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (29 May 2018):
 I have to agree with the other aunts and uncles. From what you post the relationship as such is too casual to be expecting his upmost loyalty. Clearly he still has feelings for her, regardless if she reciprocates to his txt or not, he is not willing or able to move past what they had or what he is hopeful for. If you are wanting more, I dont think in his emotional mind set you will get it so my advice would be to save face and move on to more greener opportunities. Neither of you owe each other any explanation that a simple "this is not for me".
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (29 May 2018):
 Why would you?
You’re not a couple, you’re hooking up only right? He’s moving away soon so he’s clearly not into anything for long term commitment so what response would you be expecting?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2018): You really have no right to be looking on his phone without permission; nor would he have a right to spy on yours.
You're not in any form of a commitment, and you're technically only hookup-buddies. He's moving away soon; and it is my advice not to feel one-way or the other. Don't get attached; since you know where his heart is.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 May 2018):
 What is your relationship with this man exactly? Just "kind of talking" and "hooking up" doesn't make it sound like it is anything serious, or even a relationship at all. Have you actually discussed and agreed a way forward for the two of you? When he leaves, are you going to stay in contact?
You already know he is not over his girlfriend. What is the point of telling him you have been checking up on him? It won't change anything. It won't suddenly make him get over her. In any case, if you are just having a FWB type relationship, it is really none of your business.
If you want a proper relationship, steer clear of men who are just killing time before they move, or who are still in love with their ex girlfriends. You deserve better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2018):
 You two aren't a couple?
Just talking and hooking up?
If so, then WHY is it any of your business WHO he talks to? WHO he texts?
Besides if he is moving out of state soon, what's the point?
He obviously isn't OVER her, he is obviously USING you for sex, comfort, attention and affection while he is waiting to move out of state.
I don't really see why you need to tell him if you and him aren't a couple or even serious about each other.
...............................
|
