A
female
age
41-50,
*elhell
writes:Hi. I'm a single mum, 36 years old, I've been single for about 6.5 years. I've dated in that time but last date was over 2/3 years ago. I'm considering staying single forever, I'm not good at relationships and I don't like who I become. But I still use dating sites to chat to men. I've recently started talking to someone who seems pretty great, but do I chance it? I know nothing might not even come of it anyway but should I persue it? What if I mess it up like I always do! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2018): Bringing someone new into a single parent family can have vast affects on everyone not just yourself so I understand your reticence.The guy seems great on chat sites but maybe that is where he should stay.I dont think its lazy not to socialise because it costs time and money that is taken from the family and some people are only just getting by and can ill afford the extra expense involved including childcare for evening excursions.I would continue to put the family first!There isnt always an expectation that getting along great on chat is a prelude to sex.There is no onus on you as the woman that you have to be prepared to put out as part of the bargain.Conversation can be just words, it doesnt have to include a foray into the sexual aspects of humans.I suggest you think very deeply about how it could alter family dynamics if you introduced this person into your life beyond a screen.There is no hurry to progress things.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2018): You need companionship and to socialize with men, to stay in practice.
If you know you repeat the same mistakes; you have to make sure that you identify what they are. Then don't repeat them! You rewind, and review the past. Evaluate all your failed-relationships; and determine what it is that seems consistent. That is usually what it is that creates the problem.
Denying yourself company, and depriving yourself of romance, is lazy and stubborn.
Your kids will adopt these character-traits. "I won't change, no matter how bad it is."
You know you might mess-up; but you don't want to own it and fix it. How do you generally interact with men at work, in your family, and when doing business?
How will you teach your children, if you don't set example for them? Not only are you a mom; but you're also a teacher and a female role-model. It's your lifetime assignment. You have no choice!
If you have daughters, sons, or a combination of both; they need to see how men and women interact, socialize, and bond. Learn how to initiate, maintain, and conduct a healthy flourishing-relationship.
If you don't know how. Get your butt into practice!
Enjoy yourself. Make a list of those things you do that you shouldn't, and remind yourself. Review your "NOT TO DO" list daily; until it becomes fixed in your head!
Get out there and have some fun. Enjoy yourself. Date! Just don't jump immediately into a relationship; you've got to make a few tweaks and adjustments first.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage  +, writes (29 May 2018):
 You're already allowing your expectations to ruin your date. Don't expect anything from this man. Don't expect him to be kind, or to be polite or to ask you on a second date or to open your door for you, or pull out your chair, or to be a complete jerk or, or to be a complete saint, or to try to have sex with you or to reject having having sex with you. Don't expect him to be a good person, don't expect him to be a bad person, don't expect him to be funny or stiff, humble or arrogant, intelligent or silly, interesting or boring, rich or poor. Let go of it all.Just go on a date with a guy who seems ok that you met online and see what happens. When you let go of all the fear and doubts as well as the hopes and dreams you build up within you and stand from a neutral point, the outcome will have very little effect, good or bad.All the best.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 May 2018):
 So you appear to know where it's all going wrong but you don't mention if you have done anything to change that. I am guessing you become insecure and jealous when in a relationship. Is this all down to your insecurity or is it that you also actually PICK guys who make you feel insecure?
If you KNOW what the problem is, why keep repeating the same mistakes? Why not get help before ruining another relationship?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2018):
 Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
And why so doom and gloom before anything has even happened? How come it's ALL your fault for the past relationships not working out?
If you have ISSUES, then you might WANT to work on those instead of preempting sabotage of a "could-be relationship" - don't you think?
What is it that you DO when in a relationship? And WHY do you do these things?
Why do you not like who you become? And WHY do you change when in a relationship?
I think chatting up guys at dating sites is a cop out and not fair at all. If they are looking for a ACTUAL partner and you are just there to play pretend - how is that a good thing? For you or them?
I have more questions than answers, I'm afraid.
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